can ADHD kid do well at big state school?

[Anonymous]

OP. I'd saved this link from an earlier thread. Hope it helps

https://www.affordablecollegesonline.org/college-resource-center/students-with-adhd/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s such a range of severity to ADHD that it’s almost hard to glean from comments. Your DD sounds like she’s struggled more than some and has needed more help than some, which would make me worry about going with the “my kid did fine at a big school” crowd, unless really understanding what the disability services office can do that impacts a student on a daily basis.

Most professors at large schools can be very friendly of course when you go in advance for help,but it is true that they are absolutely not babysitting anyone, and would have no idea who is and isn’t showing up for large classes and would not communicate with them about their absence. It’s just really easy to skip classes or fade into the woodwork, if you’re not a self-starter. STEM classes can be especially hard, since they are so large and also more detail oriented. I would try to find a smaller school that she likes.

+100

OP mentioned that her DD still required micromanagement from mom during HS and still misses assignments/turning stuff in. No problem with that (I get that for a kid with ADHD/lack of EF it is often needed) but to me that indicates that she is NOT ready for a large state U where she is just a number, unless she advocates for herself. Much better to do CC (if that's the best nearby) or a nearby smaller state school/private school where professors actively care, classes are smaller, and has a good program in place for kids with ADHD/disabilities.
For example: my kid had EF issues, was not officially diagnosed with ADHD and managed HS really well on their own, with just a few reminders from me freshman year of HS. They had phased out of anything except academic tutoring by HS (no longer needed EF coach). They struggled massively freshman year of college at a 8K university known for caring about students. But they didn't go into a rabbit hole and just stop doing stuff (like many kids would do)---they communicated with me and we worked thru it with the kid doing everything themselves, got kid diagnosed with ADHD over xmas break and by end of freshman year kid had changed majors and went on to graduate on time and do really well (given what freshman year was like). Had they been at a huge university, I think they would have become massively depressed, spun out of control and not been able to manage getting help. For example: the program administrator for my kid's original major (the gatekeeper who knows everything and helps the kids navigate all 4 years) still remembered me 4 years later at graduation and when I post on the parent FB group asking questions/answering questions. I met this lady once at "orientation" and my kid was the one having all other communications with her. Yet, she recalled my kid and felt the need to tell me what a great young adult they had become. At a school with 8K students. The staff and faculty really care and make an effort to help these young adults grow up so much in their 4 years at college.
So my kid turned out fine. But They likely would have crashed and burned at a large university. And my kid managed HS as a "typical" kid....none of his teachers/staff would have known they had issues (we moved as they started HS so they had no clue what ES/MS was like). I didn't have to do much management at all---my kid was in control. But your DD is not at that point yet (which is totally fine---she's where she needs to be for herself, all kids develop differently). So a more nurturing/caring/willing to provide assistance environment would be a better choice, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s such a range of severity to ADHD that it’s almost hard to glean from comments. Your DD sounds like she’s struggled more than some and has needed more help than some, which would make me worry about going with the “my kid did fine at a big school” crowd, unless really understanding what the disability services office can do that impacts a student on a daily basis.

Most professors at large schools can be very friendly of course when you go in advance for help,but it is true that they are absolutely not babysitting anyone, and would have no idea who is and isn’t showing up for large classes and would not communicate with them about their absence. It’s just really easy to skip classes or fade into the woodwork, if you’re not a self-starter. STEM classes can be especially hard, since they are so large and also more detail oriented. I would try to find a smaller school that she likes.

+100

OP mentioned that her DD still required micromanagement from mom during HS and still misses assignments/turning stuff in. No problem with that (I get that for a kid with ADHD/lack of EF it is often needed) but to me that indicates that she is NOT ready for a large state U where she is just a number, unless she advocates for herself. Much better to do CC (if that's the best nearby) or a nearby smaller state school/private school where professors actively care, classes are smaller, and has a good program in place for kids with ADHD/disabilities.
For example: my kid had EF issues, was not officially diagnosed with ADHD and managed HS really well on their own, with just a few reminders from me freshman year of HS. They had phased out of anything except academic tutoring by HS (no longer needed EF coach). They struggled massively freshman year of college at a 8K university known for caring about students. But they didn't go into a rabbit hole and just stop doing stuff (like many kids would do)---they communicated with me and we worked thru it with the kid doing everything themselves, got kid diagnosed with ADHD over xmas break and by end of freshman year kid had changed majors and went on to graduate on time and do really well (given what freshman year was like). Had they been at a huge university, I think they would have become massively depressed, spun out of control and not been able to manage getting help. For example: the program administrator for my kid's original major (the gatekeeper who knows everything and helps the kids navigate all 4 years) still remembered me 4 years later at graduation and when I post on the parent FB group asking questions/answering questions. I met this lady once at "orientation" and my kid was the one having all other communications with her. Yet, she recalled my kid and felt the need to tell me what a great young adult they had become. At a school with 8K students. The staff and faculty really care and make an effort to help these young adults grow up so much in their 4 years at college.
So my kid turned out fine. But They likely would have crashed and burned at a large university. And my kid managed HS as a "typical" kid....none of his teachers/staff would have known they had issues (we moved as they started HS so they had no clue what ES/MS was like). I didn't have to do much management at all---my kid was in control. But your DD is not at that point yet (which is totally fine---she's where she needs to be for herself, all kids develop differently). So a more nurturing/caring/willing to provide assistance environment would be a better choice, IMO.

And note: my kid was done "dealing with her" after freshman year when they switched majors. Pretty impressive the lady remembers them...but that's what happens in a smaller environment

[Anonymous]

Seconding CC. She can get the college academic experience while still having you around as a support. But definitely try to wean off and give her some books about study skills. I recommend "How to be an A+ student" and "How to Win at College", both by Cal Newport

[Anonymous]

Op here with an update.
DD did choose the big state school.
So far, she's adjusted well and is having a good time. She's a Liberal Arts major, and focusing on her strengths- reading and writing (She struggles a lot with higher level math and science). And she's been telling us her grades are all good.
But as with most ADHD kids, that wasn't the full story.
We learned that she is having a very hard time in 1 class (science) and her grade keeps dropping. So, we convinced her to drop/withdraw from the class. Hopefully that will allow her to continue doing well in her other 4 classes.

[Anonymous]

Just make sure she remains a full time student.

I suggest kids sign up for minimal credits until you know how their transition to college is going to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Visit the Disability Services office, and ask how kids do with a similar profile.

Find out what services they offer (like meeting with a coach?).

I would say, given her history with depression, that you should keep her relatively close by (so you can easily check on her if you start having concerns). Obviously, her health is more important than her grades.

THis. It really turns on the Disability Services office. When DD went to GMU the office was terrible, there firings, inconsist messages, confusion, new heads in and out. UVA's was great. I've read that GMU's has changed. But that's what you need to focus on.

[Anonymous]

My kid has severe ADHD and attended a SLAC and has done very well. He just completed a semester abroad at a large University in an English speaking country with the large lectures, strutted much like large state flagship Us. It was a real mess. He took 5 classes and needed a C- to bring it back in as a pass to his college. He only managed that in 3 of the classes. He was so stressed and ultimately started zooming in to classes rather than attending (an option at his school) to minimize the distractions of 300 kids in the room.

Came back and has said several times how thankful he was we steered him towards small schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just make sure she remains a full time student.

I suggest kids sign up for minimal credits until you know how their transition to college is going to go.

Thanks. We purposefully signed her up for 5 classes (16 credits), so that it would give her the ability to drop 1 and still be a full-time student. We're never sure which class(es) are going to give her problems.

State u has a great Disability department and resources and we submitted her 504 plan. However, she avoids confrontation and discussion, so rarely utilizes the resources available, despite our reminders to do so. We're really trying to back off now that she's in college and let her find her own way. But we try to set her up for success with manageable classes/major, no extra commitments. Just want her to build her confidence.

[Anonymous]

My ADHD kid is doing well at UMD (around 30k?). Late diagnosis.

During orientation, they said 5 of their new friends grabbed info about ADHD services when they were at a student fair. This helped them feel like they were not alone....

Had a 4.2 in high school and thinks they would have done better if diagnosed sooner. They went through high school with ADHD and high anxiety and no accommodations.

They managed to take 6 APS despite their issues and worked 4 times as hard to get the same grades as others.

We had to be on them to get things done in hs. For college, we have hired an executive function coach (who is a psychotherapist) along with a therapist to deal with the anxiety. The student is also on the waiting list for the school's ADHD program, but what we put in place on our own might be enough.

The larger school has a lot of resources, including:

Study groups for hard classes taught by students who earned an A in that same class
Study groups for kids with ADHD
Lots of ADHD kids (this makes my student feel like less of a freak)
Gym near the dorm so the kid can burn off anxiety
A variety of clubs to keep them engaged and not ruminating

They found a supportive study group in their math class and said they actually understand math for once. Their science lab sort of stinks but enough students complained that the teacher of the lab sent an apology letter and said they would teach better. Hey, at least the teacher (a grad student) listened!

In a big school and in the real world, you have to advocate for yourself. My kid learned self-agency and advocating for themselves in 7th grade and has been doing it successfully since then. When adults brushed them aside, we stepped in as needed.

We finally have the paperwork to say the ADHD diagnosis is official and now waiting on ADHD student to take the paperwork to the disability office. If you know anyone with ADHD, you know just submitting the paperwork could take a very long time. LOL!!

I don't think big or small is the issue. It's more about the resources at hand and what actions you kid is willing to take on their own behalf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ADHD kid is doing well at UMD (around 30k?). Late diagnosis.

During orientation, they said 5 of their new friends grabbed info about ADHD services when they were at a student fair. This helped them feel like they were not alone....

Had a 4.2 in high school and thinks they would have done better if diagnosed sooner. They went through high school with ADHD and high anxiety and no accommodations.

They managed to take 6 APS despite their issues and worked 4 times as hard to get the same grades as others.

We had to be on them to get things done in hs. For college, we have hired an executive function coach (who is a psychotherapist) along with a therapist to deal with the anxiety. The student is also on the waiting list for the school's ADHD program, but what we put in place on our own might be enough.

The larger school has a lot of resources, including:

Study groups for hard classes taught by students who earned an A in that same class
Study groups for kids with ADHD
Lots of ADHD kids (this makes my student feel like less of a freak)
Gym near the dorm so the kid can burn off anxiety
A variety of clubs to keep them engaged and not ruminating

They found a supportive study group in their math class and said they actually understand math for once. Their science lab sort of stinks but enough students complained that the teacher of the lab sent an apology letter and said they would teach better. Hey, at least the teacher (a grad student) listened!

In a big school and in the real world, you have to advocate for yourself. My kid learned self-agency and advocating for themselves in 7th grade and has been doing it successfully since then. When adults brushed them aside, we stepped in as needed.

We finally have the paperwork to say the ADHD diagnosis is official and now waiting on ADHD student to take the paperwork to the disability office. If you know anyone with ADHD, you know just submitting the paperwork could take a very long time. LOL!!

I don't think big or small is the issue. It's more about the resources at hand and what actions you kid is willing to take on their own behalf.

Your child isn't comparable to OP's w/severe [b]ADHD. It's not even close. End of story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ADHD kid is doing well at UMD (around 30k?). Late diagnosis.

During orientation, they said 5 of their new friends grabbed info about ADHD services when they were at a student fair. This helped them feel like they were not alone....

Had a 4.2 in high school and thinks they would have done better if diagnosed sooner. They went through high school with ADHD and high anxiety and no accommodations.

They managed to take 6 APS despite their issues and worked 4 times as hard to get the same grades as others.

We had to be on them to get things done in hs. For college, we have hired an executive function coach (who is a psychotherapist) along with a therapist to deal with the anxiety. The student is also on the waiting list for the school's ADHD program, but what we put in place on our own might be enough.

The larger school has a lot of resources, including:

Study groups for hard classes taught by students who earned an A in that same class
Study groups for kids with ADHD
Lots of ADHD kids (this makes my student feel like less of a freak)
Gym near the dorm so the kid can burn off anxiety
A variety of clubs to keep them engaged and not ruminating

They found a supportive study group in their math class and said they actually understand math for once. Their science lab sort of stinks but enough students complained that the teacher of the lab sent an apology letter and said they would teach better. Hey, at least the teacher (a grad student) listened!

In a big school and in the real world, you have to advocate for yourself. My kid learned self-agency and advocating for themselves in 7th grade and has been doing it successfully since then. When adults brushed them aside, we stepped in as needed.

We finally have the paperwork to say the ADHD diagnosis is official and now waiting on ADHD student to take the paperwork to the disability office. If you know anyone with ADHD, you know just submitting the paperwork could take a very long time. LOL!!

I don't think big or small is the issue. It's more about the resources at hand and what actions you kid is willing to take on their own behalf.

Why would you say your kid will feel like less of a freak? What a horrible attitude. ADHD is really, really common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here with an update.
DD did choose the big state school.
So far, she's adjusted well and is having a good time. She's a Liberal Arts major, and focusing on her strengths- reading and writing (She struggles a lot with higher level math and science). And she's been telling us her grades are all good.
But as with most ADHD kids, that wasn't the full story.
We learned that she is having a very hard time in 1 class (science) and her grade keeps dropping. So, we convinced her to drop/withdraw from the class. Hopefully that will allow her to continue doing well in her other 4 classes.

Yes, defiantly help her stay on top of that. And if she cannot get a decent grade or the work to do so would come at the detriment of her other classes and/or mental health, then take the W before the deadline. I'm the PP with the kid at an 8K university---my kid went on after taking 3 Ws freshman year to graduate on time (only 2 courses in Summer school), start a job 2 weeks after graduation and is thriving in the adult world at that job. Graduated with a 3.4+ gpa once majors were changed---would have had a 3.6+ if they'd started in the ultimate major.
Do what you need to save the GPA and manage mental health. Remind her many kids struggle in college, it's just a bump in the road and a learning experience for life---but don't get a D or F in a course if you can take a W. Take it, move on and figure out when to retake or make up the course (summer is a great option)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just make sure she remains a full time student.

I suggest kids sign up for minimal credits until you know how their transition to college is going to go.

Actually, if you sign up for only minimal credits and then struggle with a course, you cannot drop/take a W and still be a full time student. So I recommend taking the normal course load (15-16 credit at most universities) and then you could drop 1 course if needed and remain at 12+ (typical req for full time)

[Anonymous]

My DC with ADHD is at CU Boulder and is doing really well. You just need to encourage your child to seek help from whatever resources are available at the school.