Nanny share newbie please convince me why it's a good choice

[Anonymous]

In home is the best of both worlds.

[Anonymous]

My SIL had her DD in an amazingly successful nanny share for three years. There were some hassles but it’s *so* much better for the kids if the caregiver is skilled and enthusiastic. I felt she hit the childcare jackpot! Both parents were easygoing when it came to the nanny’s schedule for the kids. Neither cared if the toddlers did storytime v music class, etc. The host house had two full size ikea cribs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please allow your child to have their own nanny for the first two years of life. This will forever be your child’s foundation. Healthy establishment of trust is essential. Investment is critical.

Professional nanny here who did several share arrangements. But never again. The “visiting” child is always the one who screams forever at nap time. It’s just not fair to the children to expect them to sleep in a very strange place. As caregiver of two unrelated children, it was impossible for me to comfort two children in two different rooms at the same time. It was horrible.

Our nanny was experienced with twins and nanny shares and had no issues getting both babies to nap. My baby was the “visitor” and adapted fine. We couldn’t afford our own nanny so this was better than daycare!

I was also experienced with twins. There’s no comparison. I doubt you were there to see how it was for your baby to sleep in a brand new place with a brand new caregiver. Of course I couldn’t tell parents how hard it was on their child. They were highly into the savings they got. That’s it.
You should have been there to listen how it went at nap time.

I mean, I’m sure there was some transition time for my baby to get used to it, but I picked him up well rested. The nanny was very organized about sleep and feeding schedules.

I think that person is comparing nanny to one baby vs nanny to two babies. But for many people the choice is between a nanny share and daycare for money reasons. Not whether to have a personal nanny.

We tried both daycare at a highly regarded $$ daycare center and a nanny share with an experienced nanny. I can say is that nanny saved me and my baby so much stress and heartache. Baby would eat or sleep at the daycare. Cried constantly. Somehow that miracle nanny got my baby sleeping and eating and so much calmer than they were at the center. We had paid for the daycare months in advance but the quality of experience with the nanny made it worth it to switch as soon as we found the nanny share and just suck up the lost payment.

We used a payroll company to handle the taxes and logistics of pay above board. We split nanny's four weeks vacation for two weeks at Christmas andb then one extra week that she chose and one week that the host families chose together.

What worked nicely is because we had four adults, when the nanny took her vacation or sick leave, there were four people who could step in and cover a day or a half day, so no one had to lose too much work.

It wasn't hard for the babies to get sleep. It was like a sibling relationship.

If I ever do it again, I'd do a nanny share. It is helpful to find someone not super controlling or rigid to share with, but as long as both families are laid back enough, it can be amazing.

[Anonymous]

^^<should say baby would NOT eat or sleep at daycare

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please allow your child to have their own nanny for the first two years of life. This will forever be your child’s foundation. Healthy establishment of trust is essential. Investment is critical.

Professional nanny here who did several share arrangements. But never again. The “visiting” child is always the one who screams forever at nap time. It’s just not fair to the children to expect them to sleep in a very strange place. As caregiver of two unrelated children, it was impossible for me to comfort two children in two different rooms at the same time. It was horrible.

How is the other baby’s home a “very strange location “ if they are there for 7-9 hours a day, 5 days a week?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please allow your child to have their own nanny for the first two years of life. This will forever be your child’s foundation. Healthy establishment of trust is essential. Investment is critical.

Professional nanny here who did several share arrangements. But never again. The “visiting” child is always the one who screams forever at nap time. It’s just not fair to the children to expect them to sleep in a very strange place. As caregiver of two unrelated children, it was impossible for me to comfort two children in two different rooms at the same time. It was horrible.

Our nanny was experienced with twins and nanny shares and had no issues getting both babies to nap. My baby was the “visitor” and adapted fine. We couldn’t afford our own nanny so this was better than daycare!

I was also experienced with twins. There’s no comparison. I doubt you were there to see how it was for your baby to sleep in a brand new place with a brand new caregiver. Of course I couldn’t tell parents how hard it was on their child. They were highly into the savings they got. That’s it.
You should have been there to listen how it went at nap time.

I mean, I’m sure there was some transition time for my baby to get used to it, but I picked him up well rested. The nanny was very organized about sleep and feeding schedules.

+1 I’ve never done one myself but a very close friends had an amazing nanny through a share and her baby got the best sleep there, and he was the visitor but it only takes a few days for a baby to adjust? This is a really odd argument to me and basically says you need a 1:1 nanny or nothing which is simply ludicrous and not possible for many, many families. If you are in dc which I think op said she is I would do the nanny share for the first couple years. If in VA or MD there can be some great home daycares that can be a good option for those years if you find a good one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please allow your child to have their own nanny for the first two years of life. This will forever be your child’s foundation. Healthy establishment of trust is essential. Investment is critical.

Professional nanny here who did several share arrangements. But never again. The “visiting” child is always the one who screams forever at nap time. It’s just not fair to the children to expect them to sleep in a very strange place. As caregiver of two unrelated children, it was impossible for me to comfort two children in two different rooms at the same time. It was horrible.

Our nanny was experienced with twins and nanny shares and had no issues getting both babies to nap. My baby was the “visitor” and adapted fine. We couldn’t afford our own nanny so this was better than daycare!

I was also experienced with twins. There’s no comparison. I doubt you were there to see how it was for your baby to sleep in a brand new place with a brand new caregiver. Of course I couldn’t tell parents how hard it was on their child. They were highly into the savings they got. That’s it.
You should have been there to listen how it went at nap time.

I mean any time there is a nanny, the nanny is a brand new caretaker. Or if the family moves homes, it’s a brand new location. The nanny and the new location eventually become the norm for the baby. It’s not like the kid goes with a new stranger to a new house every two days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please allow your child to have their own nanny for the first two years of life. This will forever be your child’s foundation. Healthy establishment of trust is essential. Investment is critical.

Professional nanny here who did several share arrangements. But never again. The “visiting” child is always the one who screams forever at nap time. It’s just not fair to the children to expect them to sleep in a very strange place. As caregiver of two unrelated children, it was impossible for me to comfort two children in two different rooms at the same time. It was horrible.

How is the other baby’s home a “very strange location “ if they are there for 7-9 hours a day, 5 days a week?

Then *you* should first get them acclimated to their new nap space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hated the management of the nanny and was so relieved to start daycare. The ratio of 1:3 was what the baby was used to (he is the third kid), and it was so much simpler on all fronts. If you hesitate to do a nanny share, listen to that.

What did you hate? I would love some insights please. Also how much did you pay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please allow your child to have their own nanny for the first two years of life. This will forever be your child’s foundation. Healthy establishment of trust is essential. Investment is critical.

Professional nanny here who did several share arrangements. But never again. The “visiting” child is always the one who screams forever at nap time. It’s just not fair to the children to expect them to sleep in a very strange place. As caregiver of two unrelated children, it was impossible for me to comfort two children in two different rooms at the same time. It was horrible.

Our nanny was experienced with twins and nanny shares and had no issues getting both babies to nap. My baby was the “visitor” and adapted fine. We couldn’t afford our own nanny so this was better than daycare!

I was also experienced with twins. There’s no comparison. I doubt you were there to see how it was for your baby to sleep in a brand new place with a brand new caregiver. Of course I couldn’t tell parents how hard it was on their child. They were highly into the savings they got. That’s it.
You should have been there to listen how it went at nap time.

I mean, I’m sure there was some transition time for my baby to get used to it, but I picked him up well rested. The nanny was very organized about sleep and feeding schedules.

I think that person is comparing nanny to one baby vs nanny to two babies. But for many people the choice is between a nanny share and daycare for money reasons. Not whether to have a personal nanny.

We tried both daycare at a highly regarded $$ daycare center and a nanny share with an experienced nanny. I can say is that nanny saved me and my baby so much stress and heartache. Baby would eat or sleep at the daycare. Cried constantly. Somehow that miracle nanny got my baby sleeping and eating and so much calmer than they were at the center. We had paid for the daycare months in advance but the quality of experience with the nanny made it worth it to switch as soon as we found the nanny share and just suck up the lost payment.

We used a payroll company to handle the taxes and logistics of pay above board. We split nanny's four weeks vacation for two weeks at Christmas andb then one extra week that she chose and one week that the host families chose together.

What worked nicely is because we had four adults, when the nanny took her vacation or sick leave, there were four people who could step in and cover a day or a half day, so no one had to lose too much work.

It wasn't hard for the babies to get sleep. It was like a sibling relationship.

If I ever do it again, I'd do a nanny share. It is helpful to find someone not super controlling or rigid to share with, but as long as both families are laid back enough, it can be amazing.

This is great to hear. I hear parents are also responsible for nanny's food. Is that true? How did you find a family to share? What questions should I ask? Our current neighborhood is a little uptight type which makes us think twice about nanny share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who said shares are a good choice,? Nanny shares are for cheap people.

so if you are not wealthy enough to pay $30+ an hour alone you are cheap? It’s one or the other with no middle ground? OP the hardest part is agreeing on schedule as far as daily/weekly hours plus coordinating vacations and holidays. Would you want to host? This would create wear and tear and you would need duplicates of certain baby items. Or if other person hosts you still need to get your baby up and out the door in the morning… you could piss switch off but most Nanny’s prefer one location.

the “where to host” issue is probably the most potentially fraught especially with WFH. I always preferred not hosting because I didn’t want to have to keep the house in perfect shape and although we had some space, it would have been tight. I had no trouble finding partner families that prefered the convienience of hosting at home.

Any tips on finding the right family? The types of questions to ask?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please allow your child to have their own nanny for the first two years of life. This will forever be your child’s foundation. Healthy establishment of trust is essential. Investment is critical.

Professional nanny here who did several share arrangements. But never again. The “visiting” child is always the one who screams forever at nap time. It’s just not fair to the children to expect them to sleep in a very strange place. As caregiver of two unrelated children, it was impossible for me to comfort two children in two different rooms at the same time. It was horrible.

How is the other baby’s home a “very strange location “ if they are there for 7-9 hours a day, 5 days a week?

Then *you* should first get them acclimated to their new nap space.

I mean, ok? Do most daycares let me come over to stay there for a weekend to do that? Will the nanny share host family let me come spend a weekend with them? You don’t seem to have a lot of faith in a baby’s ability to adjust. Maybe you had a really difficult baby and that is always hard. But the vast, vast majority of babies will acclimate to a new nanny (and/or a new nanny share house) within a week or two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who said shares are a good choice,? Nanny shares are for cheap people.

So people who are seeking more information on what the best option for their childcare needs would be and live within the reality of a budget or financial constraints are "cheap"? What a useless and ugly comment.

OP: Nanny shares can require a lot of ground work to get things right but can be an amazing option in which children get very close personal attention, a little bit of socialization, and--by combining household incomes--can perhaps afford a more experienced nanny whom they otherwise could not. I would recommend starting with the other family, vetting each other very closely, and then finding the nanny together. We were in one for a while, and it was fantastic. We alternated homes every week, and each home was set up to accommodate the other baby so you'd only have to bring the kid and lunch on a daily basis. Kids had no issues sleeping or adjusting. In the beginning when moms were BF and WFH, it was way easier to have kids at home (vs daycare) and only have to worry about bottles and pumping half the time. We could work together around illnesses to figure out best plans for everyone, so it wasn't as restrictive as daycare and we didn't have as many days without childcare.

Just remember nanny share arrangements vary a LOT, so not every schedule / set up is going to be right for everyone. That's why I'd recommend prioritizing a family you really gel with first and then finding a nanny who has experience with either a share or multiple kids. I've also heard of disaster experiences when families couldn't agree. Mostly remember that every family is different and has different needs - daycare, nanny, nanny share - there is no right or wrong answer, despite what people on this forum who need to feel superior about their own decisions may say - it's what you can afford, what helps 2 working parents stay sane and be able to work (and therefore be better parents when not working), and what feels right in your gut for you and your child.

[Anonymous]

nanny share every time. With a higher rate, you can enlist the best people to care for your child, plus your child will have some socialization and fun with a friend.

[Anonymous]

Cheaper