Nanny share newbie please convince me why it's a good choice

[Anonymous]

Dear parents,

We are expecting our first child this summer and looking for care options once we both go back to work in Feb 2024. We are new in DC area and one of us is required to travel for work 40%.

Based on my understanding, nanny share requires very close coordination with another family which can be emotionally labor intensive, agree on everything related to child care with ith them, provide food for nanny, insurance, etc. We are not sure given we don't know many people if we will be a good fit for nanny share. Over all it's seems a lot of work.

Could you please share how you went about finding nanny share? Why you chose it, how much you pay and any lesson learned.

For context we are in DC, early 30s, both work full time and will need care when DC is 7 months.

Thanks

[Anonymous]

Who said shares are a good choice,? Nanny shares are for cheap people.

[Anonymous]

Honestly nanny shares are a lot of work. You hit on the emotional labor with another family but there is also a lot of managerial time spent dealing with your employee. And remember, they aren’t like an employee at work, they watch your child so it’s not as easy to make decisive decisions. For instance, we’ve had issues with requesting extra time off to visit their home country. They were fine with it being unpaid but we still needed coverage. Now I risk disappointment in the nanny who wants to see her aging mom or find backup care. The employer side of me says, you didn’t use your PTO wisely so no, but the side that knows she watches my DD always wants to give in.

Also, you have to determine with the other family who is the decision maker or the nanny can play you off each other.

If you can’t afford a full time nanny, I’d do daycare. It was actually a welcome change and took a lot of stress off our plate.

[Anonymous]

Because it is MUCH better than daycare. The daycares in our area were all dimly lit and frankly depressing to me. I did not want my infant in that setting. A nanny share is a 1:2 ratio, babies get to be outside in the fresh air, then in a calm home setting, and you can hire a professional rather than a minimum wage worker. If the nanny care is in your house or close by, it’s also a huge time saver.

I didn’t have any issues coordinating with the nanny family. I am generally very laid back. When the other moms had small issues with the nanny (like arriving late) I let them handle it. It’s not hard to agree on the basics of paying and supervising a nanny. I guess if you have some really idiosyncratic standards it would be more complicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who said shares are a good choice,? Nanny shares are for cheap people.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who said shares are a good choice,? Nanny shares are for cheap people.

This

How much do they cost? My preference is daycare to avoid all the hassle.

Nanny for only one child would be $4k plus we could do it but not sure if we should without trying daycare first

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who said shares are a good choice,? Nanny shares are for cheap people.

so if you are not wealthy enough to pay $30+ an hour alone you are cheap? It’s one or the other with no middle ground? OP the hardest part is agreeing on schedule as far as daily/weekly hours plus coordinating vacations and holidays. Would you want to host? This would create wear and tear and you would need duplicates of certain baby items. Or if other person hosts you still need to get your baby up and out the door in the morning… you could piss switch off but most Nanny’s prefer one location.

[Anonymous]

Please allow your child to have their own nanny for the first two years of life. This will forever be your child’s foundation. Healthy establishment of trust is essential. Investment is critical.

Professional nanny here who did several share arrangements. But never again. The “visiting” child is always the one who screams forever at nap time. It’s just not fair to the children to expect them to sleep in a very strange place. As caregiver of two unrelated children, it was impossible for me to comfort two children in two different rooms at the same time. It was horrible.

[Anonymous]

Im very happy with doing share for nearly 2 years now. Wouldn’t call the coordinating with the other family as emotionally labor intensive, there’s very little of it fact. I love just being able to go downstairs for pickup and drop off, my kid gets more one on one time w an adult vs daycare, fewer sicknesses and thus frequent days wo childcare. We’re thinking of keeping nanny share till at least prek 3 and maybe after as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please allow your child to have their own nanny for the first two years of life. This will forever be your child’s foundation. Healthy establishment of trust is essential. Investment is critical.

Professional nanny here who did several share arrangements. But never again. The “visiting” child is always the one who screams forever at nap time. It’s just not fair to the children to expect them to sleep in a very strange place. As caregiver of two unrelated children, it was impossible for me to comfort two children in two different rooms at the same time. It was horrible.

Our nanny was experienced with twins and nanny shares and had no issues getting both babies to nap. My baby was the “visitor” and adapted fine. We couldn’t afford our own nanny so this was better than daycare!

[Anonymous]

I hated the management of the nanny and was so relieved to start daycare. The ratio of 1:3 was what the baby was used to (he is the third kid), and it was so much simpler on all fronts. If you hesitate to do a nanny share, listen to that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who said shares are a good choice,? Nanny shares are for cheap people.

so if you are not wealthy enough to pay $30+ an hour alone you are cheap? It’s one or the other with no middle ground? OP the hardest part is agreeing on schedule as far as daily/weekly hours plus coordinating vacations and holidays. Would you want to host? This would create wear and tear and you would need duplicates of certain baby items. Or if other person hosts you still need to get your baby up and out the door in the morning… you could piss switch off but most Nanny’s prefer one location.

the “where to host” issue is probably the most potentially fraught especially with WFH. I always preferred not hosting because I didn’t want to have to keep the house in perfect shape and although we had some space, it would have been tight. I had no trouble finding partner families that prefered the convienience of hosting at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please allow your child to have their own nanny for the first two years of life. This will forever be your child’s foundation. Healthy establishment of trust is essential. Investment is critical.

Professional nanny here who did several share arrangements. But never again. The “visiting” child is always the one who screams forever at nap time. It’s just not fair to the children to expect them to sleep in a very strange place. As caregiver of two unrelated children, it was impossible for me to comfort two children in two different rooms at the same time. It was horrible.

Our nanny was experienced with twins and nanny shares and had no issues getting both babies to nap. My baby was the “visitor” and adapted fine. We couldn’t afford our own nanny so this was better than daycare!

I was also experienced with twins. There’s no comparison. I doubt you were there to see how it was for your baby to sleep in a brand new place with a brand new caregiver. Of course I couldn’t tell parents how hard it was on their child. They were highly into the savings they got. That’s it.
You should have been there to listen how it went at nap time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hated the management of the nanny and was so relieved to start daycare. The ratio of 1:3 was what the baby was used to (he is the third kid), and it was so much simpler on all fronts. If you hesitate to do a nanny share, listen to that.

The DC ratio is 1:4 for 8 babies. That’s 8 infants in a room with 2 adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please allow your child to have their own nanny for the first two years of life. This will forever be your child’s foundation. Healthy establishment of trust is essential. Investment is critical.

Professional nanny here who did several share arrangements. But never again. The “visiting” child is always the one who screams forever at nap time. It’s just not fair to the children to expect them to sleep in a very strange place. As caregiver of two unrelated children, it was impossible for me to comfort two children in two different rooms at the same time. It was horrible.

Our nanny was experienced with twins and nanny shares and had no issues getting both babies to nap. My baby was the “visitor” and adapted fine. We couldn’t afford our own nanny so this was better than daycare!

I was also experienced with twins. There’s no comparison. I doubt you were there to see how it was for your baby to sleep in a brand new place with a brand new caregiver. Of course I couldn’t tell parents how hard it was on their child. They were highly into the savings they got. That’s it.
You should have been there to listen how it went at nap time.

I mean, I’m sure there was some transition time for my baby to get used to it, but I picked him up well rested. The nanny was very organized about sleep and feeding schedules.