Would you have a baby with no arms / no legs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Before we consented to testing, logic compelled us as a couple to have the difficult discussion "what if?"

In our own case, we committed to each other we would terminate. Luckily, thankfully, we never faced that situation.

In my mind, if you are not willing to terminate, do not bother testing at all.

I posted the above. Just as a followup: I concede it woud be immensely difficult to go through with termination at that stage; I do not diminish that at all; not in the slightest.

It helped guide our decision we are both fairly pro choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous In my mind, if you are not willing to terminate, do not bother testing at all. [/quote wrote:

I knew in my case there was a very high risk for a child with birth defects and I knew I would not terminate. Nevertheless I decided to underho all non invasive testings (markers in the blood, scans etc) to be ready mentally and physically. Luckily, after 3 weeks of tension and testings, DC malformation (suspected at week 20) was ruled out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not American, and have no qualms about terminating with major issues such as these. Coming to the State as an adult, I was surprised at the number of people who sacrifice their lives to care for children with significant disabilities. I can only conclude that wealth is a determinant factor, as is social acceptance of disabilities, which certainly does not exist to the same extent elsewhere. However I'd be very concerned about what happens to these children when their parents are not longer able to care for them.

+ 1

This is a real concern.

DC2 was conceived when I was AMA. An early blood test showed an increased chance of birth abnormality. I could wait for an amnio or Chorionic villus sampling(CVS). I opted for CVS as it could be done sooner, and if there was a problem I could terminate before my pregnancy felt real. The risk of injury was higher in CVS but I did not have any doubt that I would terminate if the results were not good. Thankfully, everything was ok. My kid is a freshman in college.

I do understand that a kid can become disabled even after birth. I understand that parents will love and nurture that child to the best of their abilities. But, it is not about making the life of parents easier when you choose to terminate a pregnancy. Sometimes it is to not bring a child into the world if they are doomed to live a cursed life. Many people do not choose to become parents due to many reasons. Birthrates are falling across the world.

[Anonymous]

Eugenics. Most people who claim they don’t support it would absolutely terminate. The eugenic attitude is still alive and well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have terminated at 12 weeks. I honestly don't know about 16 or later. Maybe?

+1. It would get much harder later in the pregnancy. I think I would still lean towards termination.

I have a friend that terminated at 20 weeks for spina bifida, which I am sure sounds heartless to some. The kicker is that her second child (this would have been her third) also has spina bifida and they moved forward with that pregnancy. The child has had a pretty hard road of it - major surgeries almost every year. Basically no function from the waist down. Wheelchair. Learning challenges despite being intelligent. Depression. ASD. Major challenges to live independently. And that's in a family where they are fortunate to have financial resources to provide everything. Child went to a special needs school for several years to the tune of $50k a year.

I don't think she regrets it but I think knowing what she knows she could not do it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not American, and have no qualms about terminating with major issues such as these. Coming to the State as an adult, I was surprised at the number of people who sacrifice their lives to care for children with significant disabilities. I can only conclude that wealth is a determinant factor, as is social acceptance of disabilities, which certainly does not exist to the same extent elsewhere. However I'd be very concerned about what happens to these children when their parents are not longer able to care for them.

+ 1

This is a real concern.

DC2 was conceived when I was AMA. An early blood test showed an increased chance of birth abnormality. I could wait for an amnio or Chorionic villus sampling(CVS). I opted for CVS as it could be done sooner, and if there was a problem I could terminate before my pregnancy felt real. The risk of injury was higher in CVS but I did not have any doubt that I would terminate if the results were not good. Thankfully, everything was ok. My kid is a freshman in college.

I do understand that a kid can become disabled even after birth. I understand that parents will love and nurture that child to the best of their abilities. But, it is not about making the life of parents easier when you choose to terminate a pregnancy. Sometimes it is to not bring a child into the world if they are doomed to live a cursed life. Many people do not choose to become parents due to many reasons. Birthrates are falling across the world.

Also opted for CVS, despite the heightened risks. Luckily both DCs were not abnormal.

[Anonymous]

I would terminate. This world is hard enough for fully abled people. I would not want a child to have to live through the incredible difficulties this would bring.

[Anonymous]

Oh god before 12 weeks you animals

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eugenics. Most people who claim they don’t support it would absolutely terminate. The eugenic attitude is still alive and well.

All abortion is "eugenics" to force birth fundamentalist fanatics. They have no ability to discern nuances based on specific circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I was in this situation, I would google and google would lead me here, and I would be incredibly hurt and desperately want to know which of my “friends” had betrayed me like this.

On a related note, as someone who has loved ones with T21, the idea that that’s a “defect” but having no limbs isn’t is bizarre.

Please ask for your post to be deleted.

I agree with you. I'm the other poster who thought this thread was problematic but it seems we're the only ones. OP is a crappy "friend" and I hope this is deleted. I can't imagine having a pregnant friend sharing this (rather personal and specific, BTW) information with me and then I run to DCUM to chat about it, including debating whether the baby is worth being born. OP, how can you not see that this is hurtful and gross?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure you don't mean any harm, OP, but if I were your "friend" and stumbled across the discussion you started, I wouldn't feel too good.

+1 Please request that this thread be deleted!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I was in this situation, I would google and google would lead me here, and I would be incredibly hurt and desperately want to know which of my “friends” had betrayed me like this.

On a related note, as someone who has loved ones with T21, the idea that that’s a “defect” but having no limbs isn’t is bizarre.

Please ask for your post to be deleted.

I agree with you. I'm the other poster who thought this thread was problematic but it seems we're the only ones. OP is a crappy "friend" and I hope this is deleted. I can't imagine having a pregnant friend sharing this (rather personal and specific, BTW) information with me and then I run to DCUM to chat about it, including debating whether the baby is worth being born. OP, how can you not see that this is hurtful and gross?

This is appalling. There is a family on the other end of this conversation who didn’t invite all this commentary. OP, you are no friend. You’re a voyeur playing with what-if scenarios, and it’s gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Before we consented to testing, logic compelled us as a couple to have the difficult discussion "what if?"

In our own case, we committed to each other we would terminate. Luckily, thankfully, we never faced that situation.

In my mind, if you are not willing to terminate, do not bother testing at all.

I agree with this but you don't exactly need to do any testing to see a fetus does not have arms or legs.

[Anonymous]

Of course not. The kindest thing I could do for my offspring is not being them into a world where they have no arms and legs.

Throughout history, before diagnostic imaging existed, these children were just killed after birth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would bevreally worried about yhe challenges but I would give him/her a chance to live. Look up Nick Vujicic, he seems more accomplished than many DCUMs even without limbs
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nick_Vujicic?wprov=sfti1

He was born without fully formed limbs and he was bullied at school because of it. At one point, he tried killing himself by drowning in his bathtub


That seems like a pretty rough start to life