I would rather pay for an apartment for my dc

[Anonymous]

I would want my kids to stay with me and save as much money as they can because they won't pay for rent, utilities, food, car etc in my house. I want them to have a good nest egg before they leave the house. At least 100K. Of which 50K should be in retirement funds that they can't touch. Apart from that, if they want to continue to stay in a joint family, then there are further discussions to have and details hammered out.

I would rather that my kids acquire more wealth than we have within 10-15 years of working. Of course, we are not White.

[Anonymous]

So you're boasting that none of you ever suffered from mental or physical ailments such that you couldn't leave your parents' house at a socially appropriate time?





I'm not sure that's a good look, OP.

I think instead you should express gratitude you were all healthy enough in mind and body that you could have the typical American experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
What an ignorant person you are, OP.

In European and Asian cities, it's the norm for undergrads to live at home, since they can commute to college and save money on expensive rent. Indeed, universities don't have dorms in the American sense. There are living quarters for some students, but never enough for everyone. The students from the countryside are often left to find roommates in the city at large with minimal help from their college.

I hope one day you can understand that your lived experience means squat if you can't open your mind and consider there are other perfectly fine ways to live. It's embarrassing to declare as you did: "Here's what I'm used to and can't fathom people who do things differently". You are saying: "I have no clue how the world works and why people do what they do, so I'll just judge them without any understanding of their situation".

Colleges in the US want kids to sleep on campus so they can bilk you out of room and board, ostensibly to "promote independence and a tighter-knit student body". It's complete bullshit, given that hundreds of thousands of university students in the world don't live like that and do perfectly fine.

It's really important in life to question the rites of passage and traditions themselves, instead of questioning the people who don't adhere to them. The former is critical thinking, the latter is narrow-minded intolerance.

Ah, the "Europe and Asia do it better" fallacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would want my kids to stay with me and save as much money as they can because they won't pay for rent, utilities, food, car etc in my house. I want them to have a good nest egg before they leave the house. At least 100K. Of which 50K should be in retirement funds that they can't touch. Apart from that, if they want to continue to stay in a joint family, then there are further discussions to have and details hammered out.

I would rather that my kids acquire more wealth than we have within 10-15 years of working. Of course, we are not White.

You've everything figured out, only issue is free will of kids and spouses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you're boasting that none of you ever suffered from mental or physical ailments such that you couldn't leave your parents' house at a socially appropriate time?





I'm not sure that's a good look, OP.

I think instead you should express gratitude you were all healthy enough in mind and body that you could have the typical American experience.

On the other hand, some of us had abusive and/or mentally unstable and dysfunctional parents, and we moved out as soon as we could for our own mental health and physical safety.

Everyone's life is different PP. There is no "typical American experience" and I don't judge people who live at home with their parents for any length of time -- it's none of my business. OP is simply stating a preference regarding her own life. It's okay for you to have a different preference. But don't assume you are the only one with problems. Everyone has problems.

[Anonymous]

You sure can save money by attending commuter college but its not necessarily worth it for everyone. Its no secret that mental health issues and family conflicts often rise from adult children having to live at home to save money.

[Anonymous]

Our kids will always be welcome in our house. I actually, you know, like my kids!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister lived with our parents after college. She lived with them for 3 years. Every month she put $2500 into a savings account. That what she figured she would have spent in rent, food, and utilities. She also put a bit away each month for savings. When she bought her house, she was able to put down $125K which isn't bad for a 26 yr old.

Having seen this play out, I would let my kids live with me after college. As parents we are all trying to give our kids the best start in life....we look for good school districts so our kids have a good education and we try to pay for college so they are not burdened with student loans. This is just one more way that people can set their kids up for financial success.

Yes to this. This is such a gift to give to a young person, to allow them to not have to spend ever penny of their income in their first job on living expenses, so that they can actually get a foothold in the world.

I would also happily host my kid while they did an unpaid internship that could help them launch their career, or while they attended graduate school if that's what they wanted.

Right. But my point is that I would rather pay for the apartment than live with us. So, they would still be 'saving'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
What an ignorant person you are, OP.

In European and Asian cities, it's the norm for undergrads to live at home, since they can commute to college and save money on expensive rent. Indeed, universities don't have dorms in the American sense. There are living quarters for some students, but never enough for everyone. The students from the countryside are often left to find roommates in the city at large with minimal help from their college.

I hope one day you can understand that your lived experience means squat if you can't open your mind and consider there are other perfectly fine ways to live. It's embarrassing to declare as you did: "Here's what I'm used to and can't fathom people who do things differently". You are saying: "I have no clue how the world works and why people do what they do, so I'll just judge them without any understanding of their situation".

Colleges in the US want kids to sleep on campus so they can bilk you out of room and board, ostensibly to "promote independence and a tighter-knit student body". It's complete bullshit, given that hundreds of thousands of university students in the world don't live like that and do perfectly fine.

It's really important in life to question the rites of passage and traditions themselves, instead of questioning the people who don't adhere to them. The former is critical thinking, the latter is narrow-minded intolerance.

As I said in my OP, I am a white American. It is not within the range of my experience. I am aware this is very normal elsewhere. I just could not do it and can't imagine doing it.

[Anonymous]

Different things work for different people, depending on so many different factors. My brother left home for college at 16, moved home at 20, moved out again at 25. I lived at home and moved out at 23. We graduated HS in '91 and '94. We had wildly different health issues and wildly different college experiences, based on our abilities. Nothing wrong with the way either of us did things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was expected that we launch at 18 (my sibling brood that graduated 88-93). We did, and I am glad for it; I, the youngest, craved freedom and independence. I had wild times and no safety net, and I was acutely aware of that. I had times I felt no one could save me, no one could understand. I went through painful depression, alcohol and drug misuse.

I also had wonderful, memorable times, made lots of friends, persevered and became a successful person, despite my mother's real, articulated fear and belief that I would be a freak or a failure.

Worrying about my kid living with me is not one of my worries. One kid is well on his way to success, and will live in our city with us this summer for an internship. The other is much younger. I cannot imagine ever not opening my home to them. Or even, their eventual families, if it came to that.

Even if the worst happened, these are my boys, I am their parent, I am one they can depend on. What is love, if it's not that?*

I read a thing once that said "Extreme indepedence is a trauma reaction" and that fit for me. I could never ask for help. I want the boys to be independent, but to believe that they'll get help if they need it and ask for it.

*Caveats for drawing boundaries for kids who are spoiled, take advantage, are rude, etc.

cost of living is soo much higher, are you yearning for the days of no cell phones and stay at home moms? wtf

I don't get your comment. I am not yearning for anything. I appreciated my Gen X forced independence, but I would also welcome my 18+ children into my home for any reason, for life, provided they are respectful, which I'm sure they would be, having been raised with lots of love and good boundaries. If your comment is about age, yes, I'm old ... wait a sec. You are bitter with jealousy over my Gen X forced indepence, because it was affordable back then? Hahahaha. Ok, but really. I have a ton of sympathy for the generations after me, and would help you if you were my kid. <3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
What an ignorant person you are, OP.

In European and Asian cities, it's the norm for undergrads to live at home, since they can commute to college and save money on expensive rent. Indeed, universities don't have dorms in the American sense. There are living quarters for some students, but never enough for everyone. The students from the countryside are often left to find roommates in the city at large with minimal help from their college.

I hope one day you can understand that your lived experience means squat if you can't open your mind and consider there are other perfectly fine ways to live. It's embarrassing to declare as you did: "Here's what I'm used to and can't fathom people who do things differently". You are saying: "I have no clue how the world works and why people do what they do, so I'll just judge them without any understanding of their situation".

Colleges in the US want kids to sleep on campus so they can bilk you out of room and board, ostensibly to "promote independence and a tighter-knit student body". It's complete bullshit, given that hundreds of thousands of university students in the world don't live like that and do perfectly fine.

It's really important in life to question the rites of passage and traditions themselves, instead of questioning the people who don't adhere to them. The former is critical thinking, the latter is narrow-minded intolerance.

As I said in my OP, I am a white American. It is not within the range of my experience. I am aware this is very normal elsewhere. I just could not do it and can't imagine doing it.

It’s now very normal here. I’m sorry your imagination is so limited. Honestly that’s strange, to be so profoundly without the ability to imagine what is now the norm in your own country. Maybe you should talk to your doctor about that? Undiagnosed neurodivergence maybe?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Than have them live at home during college or after.

Yes, I am a traditional white American. It is beyond my range of experience and observation for young adults to live with their parents for an extended time after they are 18. I would have never dreamed of it. My sisters never did. My parents would never have gone for it barring serious illness. And I don't really remember any of my friends doing it either. Summers were the longest times spent at 'home' after high school graduation.

Anyone else think like this?

You are only talking about the "dynamics" of your home. Your kids probably think like you, they want to get the hell out at 18 instead of living under the same roof with you.

Good luck if they come and visit you ONCE a year during college and after!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Than have them live at home during college or after.

Yes, I am a traditional white American. It is beyond my range of experience and observation for young adults to live with their parents for an extended time after they are 18. I would have never dreamed of it. My sisters never did. My parents would never have gone for it barring serious illness. And I don't really remember any of my friends doing it either. Summers were the longest times spent at 'home' after high school graduation.

Anyone else think like this?

It's common in lots of cultures for adult children to live at home. And it's much harder/more expensive for "kids" now. I'd rather DC live at home and save money for a home, pay off loans, save for retirement, etc.

I also don't get people who just want to cut all support, involvement, whatever, the moment they turn 18. My parents did. But, lots of my friends did not (had trust funds, were welcome at home, etc.) and they are all responsible, independent people now in their middle ages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our kids will always be welcome in our house. I actually, you know, like my kids!

Same. Geez, OP.