Vegetarian kids and daycare- would you let them eat meat?

[Anonymous]

11:53 PP here - I also, maybe foolishly, believe that kids LIKE to eat things that are naturally good for them: fruit and cheese being prime examples. I would not want to keep all junk foods or processed foods away from my kid, because I think that just makes those foods more appealing -- as taboo or "special" items that they can't have. To the extent DS gets moderate levels of "junk" at daycare (and we do give him ice cream or pizza too at home on special occasions), I think that's okay -- as long as, on average, he gets good, quality foods.

Besides, I know of many people who grew up eating "strict" diets where junk food was off limits -- those same people ate junk food, bags and bags of it in college. I think my college roommate lived off cocoa pebbles for two months straight ... because she could!

My goal is to encourage a healthy relationship with food for my child. And who knows? Maybe once the meat at daycare is not "special," your child will choose to be a vegetarian like her mom!

[Anonymous]

Given that you child is too young to "decide" to be a vegetarian, I think that you should let her eat what she wants. Once she is older ( 5 or 6 maybe) and can understand the ethical reasons behind being a vegetarian then you can start again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Given that you child is too young to "decide" to be a vegetarian, I think that you should let her eat what she wants. Once she is older ( 5 or 6 maybe) and can understand the ethical reasons behind being a vegetarian then you can start again.

Daycare issues aside, a child is too young to "Decide" anything--whether to eat healthfully, organically, keep kosher, or be a vegetarian. This is what the parent gets to do--decide these issues, to a degree. I think this issue sincerely depends on the strength of the OP's convictions/willingness to fight the battle.

I have always thought it to be easier to allow my son to start eating meat if he chooses, rather than to give it up, if he does decide to be vegetarian. But I have also learned it is also hard to control things outside of my, well, control. So with the babysitter or at a party, when I am not around, he is allowed to eat whatever he chooses. I just refuse to buy it or prepare it. This does not sit well with my values, but it is where we are ( I am a vegan, but have not raised my son as one--just a vegetarian).

On the flip side, I wonder if this would even be an issue if we were discussing keeping kosher or other religious food issues. To me, the ethics and principles of being veg are just as weighty. So, the question is, is there any real demonstrable harm to your child not being able to eat what the others are eating?

No--it is just food--and we wouldn't make that same argument for others things: "but mom, all the others kids have XYZ," For the most part, if we were opposed to it, we would tell our kids to deal with it--why not with food? Food is not "fitting in." It just is. And in the end, the kid is going to starve, so she will make it through the day okay.

All that to say: decide how important it is to you. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

if being vegetarian is important to you, this is a good opportunity to teach your children a life lesson.

my parents are strict vegetarians (don't even eat baked goods because of eggs) and they raised us as such. it was really hard to go to school and not have ANY choices - hard to believe that a mere 20-30 years ago, vegetarian meant eating french fries at the school cafeteria and vegetable soup made with beef broth. i brought my lunch everyday! i so desperately wanted to bring lunch money and stand in line with the rest of the kids. my parents really insisted we stick to our guns and gave their reasons why. it was a lesson in standing up for your lifestyle choices amidst a sea of naysayers (not very cool to be "veggie" back then). as an adult, i look back upon that as a very important life lesson from my parents.

[Anonymous]

and p.s. i find it awful that posters are recommending that you let the child eat meat. how would you feel if someone told you that you couldn't teach your child to practice your lifestyle choices such as religious beliefs?

[Anonymous]

NP and veggie parent of a veggie kid here.

My son never really cared, so it wasn't an issue for us, but if you are Ok with bending a bit, I think it's fine. If you aren't OK with bending, I think that's fine, too.

My kid eventually tried turkey once and spit it out (and I wasn't actually OK with it, but this was years ago and I got over it).

I like what 14:26 has to say about this being a teachable moment.

[Anonymous]

This is a really personal decision, OP, and while I can see just getting other opinions, the key thing is to decide what's important to you and why and stick with it. I am a vegetarian, raising DS veg; DH eats meat. Our default is that DS will be vegetarian until he can decide for himself (on a somewhat informed basis) whether he wants to eat meat. It was important to me that he first be veg and then if he wants meat later, that really is fine with me--IF he understands it first. As I said, DH eats meat, I will readily accept if DS wants to one day, but I would rather he stay "pure" (for lack of a better word) so that if he wants to be veg later, he isn't upset later that he ate meat without really understanding it. Frankly, my guess is that one day he will want to eat meat (because he's a boy, and it's the majority thing to do)--but that's got to be his own choice.

Personally I wouldn't have your child eat meat just because it's easier right now or so that she can be like other kids. We all are different in one way or another. Lots of people have certain food restrictions for ethical, religious, or health (allergy, etc.) reasons. That's just life. This is a good time to teach DD that we're all different. It's hard if she's the ONLY person in her whole class who's veg--but it's also not that big of a deal and now might be the hardest time. To the extent that she wants to eat meat, presumably she does not have a really good understanding of what it is. She wants it just because the other kids have it. Well, that's not wrong for her to feel--but there are a lot of times as parents when we're going to have to tell our kids that just because others are doing it, that's not what we want for ourselves. You'll just have to decide for yourself whether this is an area that's important enough to you to draw the line. For me it is, for others it might not be.

[Anonymous]

OP

I think it really depends on you and how strong your feelings are. I think when your child is in daycare, you have to be able to bend a little on decisions about how your child will be raised. You are basically sharing the responsibility of raising your child. I found this to be bothersome with many things (daycare pushed us to introduce more solid food earlier than we thought was "right"), but beneficial in other regards (it helped me be less overprotecive to see my child thrive in a less stringent environment).

So I think unless you are dead set against your chid eating meat, you should let your child eat what other kids are eating. This is not something that is going to end soon. It will continue on in school, at parties, and other social occassions. I think always being the kid that has the "special food" would be hard and if anything could turn the child against being a vegetarian. Your child will still get the benefit of seeing you choose non-meant items at home. And can choose to not eat the meat and ask for alternatives to be packed at a later age.

But of course, if this just appalls you - that is a different story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:and p.s. i find it awful that posters are recommending that you let the child eat meat. how would you feel if someone told you that you couldn't teach your child to practice your lifestyle choices such as religious beliefs?

If you feel very very strongly about something, you can look for alternative childcare that would be easier on the child (more supportive of your beliefs).

[Anonymous]

I'm a (veg.) PP. My other comment, OP, is that if you are a veg for ethical reasons, even if you do allow your child to eat meat--is the kind they serve at the daycare what you want her to eat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP

I think it really depends on you and how strong your feelings are. I think when your child is in daycare, you have to be able to bend a little on decisions about how your child will be raised. You are basically sharing the responsibility of raising your child. I found this to be bothersome with many things (daycare pushed us to introduce more solid food earlier than we thought was "right"), but beneficial in other regards (it helped me be less overprotecive to see my child thrive in a less stringent environment).

So I think unless you are dead set against your chid eating meat, you should let your child eat what other kids are eating. This is not something that is going to end soon. It will continue on in school, at parties, and other social occassions. I think always being the kid that has the "special food" would be hard and if anything could turn the child against being a vegetarian. Your child will still get the benefit of seeing you choose non-meant items at home. And can choose to not eat the meat and ask for alternatives to be packed at a later age.

But of course, if this just appalls you - that is a different story.

What about the "special kid" who can't eat or even be around peanut foods because of allergy? Or the "special" Jewish kid who can't eat the weiner in the blanket? Or the the "special" ordinary kid who hates 90% of food except chicken nuggets?

[Anonymous]

We don't let our 15 month old eat meat at daycare. We bring in food to supplement his meals. He doesn't seem to care.

[Anonymous]

This is a great post. I am a mom to a 7 month old DD who is in daycare. I am a vegetarian (also for ethical reasons-not health reasons) and DH eats meat. At home DH brings meat into the house. I wish we were a vegetarian house but that is a long story. Anyway, I am not dealing with this yet but will be soon so I appreciate reading all of these responses. Good "special food" for thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:and p.s. i find it awful that posters are recommending that you let the child eat meat. how would you feel if someone told you that you couldn't teach your child to practice your lifestyle choices such as religious beliefs?

The thing is, OP has chosen a daycare that serves communal meals. If she were attempting to keep a kosher household and wanted her child to only eat kosher -- wouldn't it make sense to choose a daycare that served only communal, kosher meals? She wouldn't expect the daycare to serve non-kosher meals for most kids but jut pick out the parts that were kosher for her own child -- that wouldn't make sense.

No -- if you want kosher meals, you either pick a daycare that serves communal kosher meals OR one that has children bring meals from home and insists on no food sharing.

So -- the same for vegetarian. If you really don't want your child eating meat, you pick a daycare with communal vegetarina meals -- or you choose a daycare where all children bring meals from home and no sharing. OR you decide child can eat what's being served at daycare, but will maintain meat free meals at home.

[Anonymous]

NP here. Our family is vegetarian, and both my kids have been in child care. I have not had the added challenge OP does, that they provide communal non-veg meals at child care.

My oldest is 7 now, and meat foods to come up from time to time at school, parties, afterschool care, etc. I take a semi-strict stance on it: I have the intent that my child not eat meat, and I communicate that to staff. If on occasion signals get crossed and my child eats part of a meat meal, I have been semi-resigned to that, but I then reiterate that we are trying to avoid that. This year it has happened with afterschool program snacks.

Funny story: my son had tuna fish at the afterschool program, because he saw it and thought it was hummus. After he tasted it, he realized he was wrong. Another example, they served chicken soup, and then told me after that they removed the meat chunks from my son's bowl. I told them that in the future he should not have the soup with meat stock, and I left them a veggie soup cup to serve next time for him.

As he gets older and wants to try meat, I will let him (not sure what age I consider to be the "age of consent" on this one), but for now, he is into the veg identity, so that helps in keeping a nearly meat-free diet.