Freshman DD with no friends. Help!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is so miserable. We moved to a new area almost two years ago and DD really struggled the first year here in 8th grade. I figured high school would be so much better, but one semester in, and still no friends. DD played a fall sport, plays an instrument in the school band and is doing debate. She is an excellent student ( honors/AP classes with A’s). She has friends in Virginia (where we moved from) and she talks to them online daily. She is just so miserable, telling me she hates high school and that she can’t wait to go to college. She’s not being bullied. She does talk to kids at school, but eats lunch alone in a classroom and never hangs out with anyone outside of school. TBH the whole thing makes me so depressed. What else should we be doing? She’s definitely involved in activities. She’s on social media, but doesn’t message or interact online with anyone from school. Help!

Your daughter is at the age where some students mature more quickly than others. Could it be that her social development is a bit behind the other students--still at the 7th grade level even though in 9th grade ? If so, this is not a bad thing, just different. Her time will come again. In the meantime, encourage your daughter with positive comments to keep busy with athletics and studying. Join school clubs or engage in organized after school activities--maybe even self-defense classes or foreign language study or volunteering at an animal shelter or at a hospital. She just needs another activity.

Eating lunch alone with reading material is a blessing. I'm envious.

[Anonymous]

I think its really unwise to relocate kids after about 4/5th grade. This is why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think its really unwise to relocate kids after about 4/5th grade. This is why.

I think the opposite. I think it is good for them and teaches resilience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think its really unwise to relocate kids after about 4/5th grade. This is why.

I think the opposite. I think it is good for them and teaches resilience.

Are your kids extroverts? IME moving schools just makes kids socially delayed.

[Anonymous]

I would be really alarmed that a second year in she can’t make a single friend?!! I’d say there is def something wrong, extreme social anxiety?

People on here like to talk about how common this is, but I know a lot of kids this age and I can’t think of any that have literally no one. I don’t think it’s that common. I also think most kids are socializing in person too - I think many of you who keep repeating these things about teenagers are dealing with some wishful thinking. You are trying to normalize what isn’t normal, and it’s doing nothing for anyone, but your own feelings on it.

Deal with the fear piece - you might have to really push her. She’s in the habit now and it’s not going to change without serious intervention