Is a parent’s affair enough of a reason to pull back from them?

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01/04/2023 19:29

Subject: Is a parent’s affair enough of a reason to pull back from them?

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Anonymous

OP, you’re fine. My father also had an affair and now lives a much worse life as a result. I make sure he has the basics, but that’s it. I love him and all, but he made his bed. I’m not tanking my mental health and ignoring my kids because of him.

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01/05/2023 17:45

Subject: Is a parent’s affair enough of a reason to pull back from them?

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Anonymous

DCUM is cold as ice holy crap. The guy is old and lonely have some compassion. We’re all just trying to get by in this crazy life and there is no way to change the past so have compassion in the present.

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01/05/2023 17:56

Subject: Is a parent’s affair enough of a reason to pull back from them?

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Anonymous

He has used you and abused you. Visit as much you can handle. If he was at all grateful he would be receiving more visits. He's not. It's his own fault.

Let us all remember to be grateful when we get older.

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01/09/2023 19:13

Subject: Is a parent’s affair enough of a reason to pull back from them?

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Anonymous

I don't really see the affair as an issue at all here but rather that he treats you poorly. I'm sure if he treated you better you would be willing to do more for him so I would focus on what the real issue is here.

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01/13/2023 18:22

Subject: Is a parent’s affair enough of a reason to pull back from them?

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Anonymous

Are there resources where he is for therapy/counseling? It sounds like he would benefit from somebody helping him figure out how to deal with things to be happier, make social connections, etc.
If you don’t want him to live with you, don’t let him live with you. The affair has nothing to do with it. Lots of people get along with their parents fine and still don’t want to live with them. You’re entitled to your life.

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01/14/2023 21:08

Subject: Is a parent’s affair enough of a reason to pull back from them?

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Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:DCUM is cold as ice holy crap. The guy is old and lonely have some compassion. We’re all just trying to get by in this crazy life and there is no way to change the past so have compassion in the present.

She does have compassion. He's a selfish, grouchy user who wrecked his own life. She compassionately worked to make sure he is safe and cared for. He's not asking for forgiveness and a fresh start; he's asking to be the same miserable user of a person and for her to continue to take it. No thanks!

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01/15/2023 07:26

Subject: Is a parent’s affair enough of a reason to pull back from them?

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Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just nicely explain what while you love him, you have to much to do with the kids to also take care of him. Also explain you can’t physically lift him etc. and are afraid if he leaves this Medicaid home he will have a hard time or long wait to get into another.

I recommend you drop by at least several times a week if it’s close to help make sure he isn’t being mistreated.

Does he have an iPad? You could put hbo etc on the iPad. Books? Magazines? Reading glasses do he can see these things?

I got him an iPad with Netflix and it even has foreign language shows in his language. I showed him so many times how to use it and he can never remember how. He does not read and has never read a single book in my lifetime. He watches sports or news all day on the TV at his nursing home. He told me when the World Cup ended that he would have nothing more to look forward to and life would be not worth living. Meanwhile, I visit two or three times a week and took him out to family celebrations for Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Tell him it’s coming again in 3 & 1/2 years. Something to look forward to!

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01/19/2023 07:25

Subject: Re:Is a parent’s affair enough of a reason to pull back from them?

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Anonymous

Well, it doesn’t really sound like his affair is the problem. It sounds like he is unappreciative and difficult. I think maybe the affair made you feel like you owed him less, since a lot of elderly parents are difficult.

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01/19/2023 07:40

Subject: Is a parent’s affair enough of a reason to pull back from them?

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Anonymous

Leave the affair out. He seems fine where he is. Just say "no" to his many requests.

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01/19/2023 07:42

Subject: Is a parent’s affair enough of a reason to pull back from them?

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Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:You've seen that he has food, and a roof over his head. Leave it at that.

+1. There’s zero chance I’d take him into my house even if I lived alone.

You will spend the rest of his life being a caretaker.

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01/19/2023 07:54

Subject: Is a parent’s affair enough of a reason to pull back from them?

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Anonymous

You're much nicer than me. I think I would have trouble forgiving the affair. You've done plenty. Like a PP said, he burned his bridges.

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01/22/2023 20:04

Subject: Re:Is a parent’s affair enough of a reason to pull back from them?

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Anonymous

Serious comment-

You could encourage him to date.

Maybe he can meet someone who is interested in taking care of someone.

Widowed boomer woman with serious codependency issues looking to take care of a man again would be an excellent match for your dad. I'd post my mother's phone number on here...but, the real world consequences of that would suck. Plus, she lives too far away.