Bad relationship with parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Ok thanks all. You’re right, I get along well with my parents so it’s hard to fathom that falling apart, so this is probably just me imposing my views on DH.

OP, your post is proof that we live out our patterns. Your in laws have rigid views about what is appropriate type of behavior and they want your DH to conform. You, too, have views on what is appropriate behavior and you want your DH to conform. Do you see the pattern?

[Anonymous]

Forcing closeness between family members who have bad relationships is asking for trouble. It's one thing if they have a good relationship but he's very passive about it. Then I might say "sure, encourage him to call more often or facilitate visits to support the existing good relationship."

But as someone who has a very dysfunctional family, it won't work if he's actively resistant to it. My family stresses me out. I actually am still in contact but I keep them all at arms length. My DH used to encourage me to see them or talk to them more, but over the years he's come to understand why I maintain that distance because he has had a chance to not only see their dysfunction up close, but also to see how it impacts me, and how it has harmed my siblings who don't have as much distance.

Respect your DH's ability to know what is right for him in his relationship with his parents. He has known them his entire life, and he's an adult. Closeness is not always desirable in family relationships.

[Anonymous]

Stay out of it. You will never know the damage you will cause. I'm saying this based on my personal experience.