How to find backup childcare for days kid is sick?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think a lot of people just “work from home” when their kids are sick and don’t take any leave at all.

This is what I would do and my company would not care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t have a family option. You say you don’t have a nanny option. You don’t want to not work. He doesn’t want to not work. I’m not sure what other options you have. I watch a friends kid sometimes, she has a permanent 3 day per week nanny share and her parents fill in the other 2 days. On days they can’t do I help out if I’m not at work because my kid is school age. I wouldn’t want to do if if he was sick though. If you’d kid is too sick for daycare there is prob no one else who wants to watch them either.

OP here. The majority of families with kids have 2 working parents, and the majority of those don't have nannies. I know some are covered by involved grandparents/aunts who watch sick kids, but many don't have that either. And they somehow figure it out. So, I was hoping to get some practical advice, but maybe people in this forum are too wealthy to have this problem?

Some employers offer backup childcare that includes a babysitter coming to your house if kid is sick and can't go to the backup daycare option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t have a family option. You say you don’t have a nanny option. You don’t want to not work. He doesn’t want to not work. I’m not sure what other options you have. I watch a friends kid sometimes, she has a permanent 3 day per week nanny share and her parents fill in the other 2 days. On days they can’t do I help out if I’m not at work because my kid is school age. I wouldn’t want to do if if he was sick though. If you’d kid is too sick for daycare there is prob no one else who wants to watch them either.

OP here. The majority of families with kids have 2 working parents, and the majority of those don't have nannies. I know some are covered by involved grandparents/aunts who watch sick kids, but many don't have that either. And they somehow figure it out. So, I was hoping to get some practical advice, but maybe people in this forum are too wealthy to have this problem?

We figure it out. Most moms have "mom jobs" - like full-time jobs with flexibility or telework.. And husband's pitch in too. If your job doesn't allow you to teleworking when your kids are sick, I'd look for a different job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
He thinks I'm trying to have it all, and shouldn't have had a second child if I wanted to pursue my dream job with a crap salary. He agreed to the second child, but he would have been perfectly happy without. I didn't think having 2 kids and a 40 hour/week job would be so difficult. If we could afford $40/hour on top of daycare, we'd just get a nanny.

OK, that makes some sense. He didn't want the second child as much as you did. Of course you can't afford $40/hour for sick care every day, but you also can't afford to take more days off right? And leaving your job would be the least affordable. People who are suggesting FMLA leave - that's leave without pay, so how much per hour would that cost you, and how much would it hurt your career? You have to factor that into the equation, too. Maybe better to spend $2000 in sick kid care this year versus leaving your job for 3 months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t have a family option. You say you don’t have a nanny option. You don’t want to not work. He doesn’t want to not work. I’m not sure what other options you have. I watch a friends kid sometimes, she has a permanent 3 day per week nanny share and her parents fill in the other 2 days. On days they can’t do I help out if I’m not at work because my kid is school age. I wouldn’t want to do if if he was sick though. If you’d kid is too sick for daycare there is prob no one else who wants to watch them either.

OP here. The majority of families with kids have 2 working parents, and the majority of those don't have nannies. I know some are covered by involved grandparents/aunts who watch sick kids, but many don't have that either. And they somehow figure it out. So, I was hoping to get some practical advice, but maybe people in this forum are too wealthy to have this problem?

They take leave without pay from work. Which is very expensive. Or they lose their jobs which is even more expensive. Or they pay more for someone who will care for their kids while sick. Which is expensive too. There aren't any great solutions.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, it sucks, but there’s not really much you can do. We approach it the same way you do: WFH, take turns on child care, and work late to make up the time. That’s how pretty much every family I know figures it out. It’s awful and it definitely pushes us into survival mode, but it is what it is. It’s not forever. Your husband seems like a baby, though. Pushing the problem on to you is bullshit.

[Anonymous]

2 working parents here. I take time off full day plus work from home for a few hours/daily when my youngest or oldest sick at home. My youngest got sick for 4 days in sept, my youngest got sick for 5 days in oct, my oldest got sick for 6 days & my youngest got sick for 5 days in nov. Family is around, but they are too old to catch whatever germ my kids have.

I give up on my career, but that is how it is. I earn about the same as DH. I just find way to survive.

[Anonymous]

I think White House Nannies will fo some sick coverage. Pricey, but less expensive than a full time nanny or quitting your job or a divorce.

[Anonymous]

We do what you do, OP: use our sick leave and make up time at night when we can. It's gotten better over the last few months after a truly brutal year, from about May 2021-July 2022. Nobody had to "give up" their career, but as the higher earner I didn't get to foist all the childcare on my husband either, we both just stretched the limits of our flexibility as much as we could.

[Anonymous]

Have you considered an Au pair? They are a less expensive option, are flexible and can work 40 hours a week, and work when the kids are sick, but need to live in and can be more difficult than a professional nanny.

When we didn’t have a nanny and we had an emergency, we paid a family friend’s Au pair under the table to watch our children during school hours when their own kids were in school, so around 9-3. We only did this for a week or two. We were able to flex time to be at home the other hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t have a family option. You say you don’t have a nanny option. You don’t want to not work. He doesn’t want to not work. I’m not sure what other options you have. I watch a friends kid sometimes, she has a permanent 3 day per week nanny share and her parents fill in the other 2 days. On days they can’t do I help out if I’m not at work because my kid is school age. I wouldn’t want to do if if he was sick though. If you’d kid is too sick for daycare there is prob no one else who wants to watch them either.

OP here. The majority of families with kids have 2 working parents, and the majority of those don't have nannies. I know some are covered by involved grandparents/aunts who watch sick kids, but many don't have that either. And they somehow figure it out. So, I was hoping to get some practical advice, but maybe people in this forum are too wealthy to have this problem?

The families you describe, if they’re not relying on extended family, do exactly what you’re doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t have a family option. You say you don’t have a nanny option. You don’t want to not work. He doesn’t want to not work. I’m not sure what other options you have. I watch a friends kid sometimes, she has a permanent 3 day per week nanny share and her parents fill in the other 2 days. On days they can’t do I help out if I’m not at work because my kid is school age. I wouldn’t want to do if if he was sick though. If you’d kid is too sick for daycare there is prob no one else who wants to watch them either.

OP here. The majority of families with kids have 2 working parents, and the majority of those don't have nannies. I know some are covered by involved grandparents/aunts who watch sick kids, but many don't have that either. And they somehow figure it out. So, I was hoping to get some practical advice, but maybe people in this forum are too wealthy to have this problem?

The families you describe, if they’re not relying on extended family, do exactly what you’re doing.

+1

(Op, your husband sounds like a huge jerk.)

[Anonymous]

Either a nanny or college students

[Anonymous]

Her husband sounds like a jerk in how he is communicating with OP. But, I can try to see things from his point of view. He is earning 75% of the income and likely is feeling the stress of being the breadwinner. It sounds like OP made a choice to take a "dream job with a crap salary" and also was pushing for the second child, which maybe he felt they couldn't afford. OP's husband doesn't want to take more time off work for career reasons probably, and he might be right - they NEED him to keep this higher earning salary.

OP some other things that might help would be to contact your child's preschool and school, or better yet have your HUSBAND connect with the parents and administrators (because of sexism, concern from a dad always carries more weight, I'm sorry but it is true) and have HIM reach out to other parents, the PTA, the principal etc and express his concern about constant child illness, and see if people could be encouraged to bring back masking for a while, or look into all the other strategies child care used in the past ( like spacing for lunch, etc). Surely other parents also are having trouble with needing to take constant days off for sick children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think White House Nannies will fo some sick coverage. Pricey, but less expensive than a full time nanny or quitting your job or a divorce.

+1 OP, you could also look on care.com and see if you could find an occasional sitter that would do sick days. I found someone like this when my baby was in the sick all the time phase. I know it's tough but it doesn't last forever.