How to help without helping?

[Anonymous]

This would definitely be in my adult children's wheelhouse of issues to handle. If they think it's a problem that they're single, THEY will take steps to find someone (or multiple someones) to date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Should i just stay out of it?

You offer what you are willing to do, and you respect what she decides.

But understand that if you have discussed this before, you should drop it. Otherwise she will think you are disappointed in her as a daughter, or that you think there is something wrong with her.

(Consider the possibility that Your views on woman and marriage may be limited/constrained by your age and cultural background.)

[Anonymous]

I wasn't match-making but let DD know her parents did not think she needed to complete her degree before getting married. This was a professional doctorate. We would still give her support ($) for her education, if married. Saying that didn't have an impact but I felt better having expressed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Should i just stay out of it?

You offer what you are willing to do, and you respect what she decides.

But understand that if you have discussed this before, you should drop it. Otherwise she will think you are disappointed in her as a daughter, or that you think there is something wrong with her.

(Consider the possibility that Your views on woman and marriage may be limited/constrained by your age and cultural background.)

I don't want her to limit herself to fit my constraints or to fulfill my dreams.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wasn't match-making but let DD know her parents did not think she needed to complete her degree before getting married. This was a professional doctorate. We would still give her support ($) for her education, if married. Saying that didn't have an impact but I felt better having expressed it.

My messaging has been you finish graduate school before you get married. So much harder for the women in my grad school cohort who were married than single and my parents struggled mightily with my dad in grad school with a wife and child. My mother got a masters degree, but never used it.

[Anonymous]

Imho, few men are marriage material until they hit 30. I'd keep that in mind

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What would you do in my shoes?

If my daughter expressed frustration about her current dating prospects, I would ask, ONCE, she would like to be set up the next time she’s home. If she says no, I would drop it, now and forever.

If she didn’t tell me there was a problem, I would assume there wasn’t one.

Try to remember, most people need high quality relationships to have a happy life. Those relationships too not have to include a marriage and kids. Friends, family, god children, nieces and nephews and friends with benefits may make her happier in the long run than a meh marriage and kids she feels pressured to have.

It goes without saying to stay out of the “how do you get your sexual needs met” issue. That’s her business.