What makes a grandmother dislike a certain granddaughter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My grandmother hated me, for no apparent reason. All my life, I tried to understand it, but no one will ever know. It wasn't a gender thing. I'm guessing it was a personality thing. Her favorite grandchild was my cousin who was kind of the opposite of me. I was independent, perceptive, sensitive, followed my own path, in my own world, tomboyish, strong while my cousin was the exact opposite. I think my grandmother needed to feel needed, and she probably misunderstood my lack of people pleasing, perceptiveness, and refusal to be "cute and adorable" as evil. She would literally take my favorite foods off my plate and put it on my sibling's plate, or the clothes out of my closet to give to my cousin.

Wow. I'm so sorry your grandmother was actually evil.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd call her out every time she makes her preference known. Every single time.

Sometimes it's just chemistry. But as an adult, she should know better and do better.

+1 I don't know why you 'delicately' point this out to her. I'd be in her face about it.

Agree. She needs to make a change. Be sure you are sticking up for your kids, OP.

[Anonymous]

Your mom sounds not very mature and has regressed to the behavior she experienced when she was young. Not much self reflection there OP.

Would assume your dd reminds your mom of a relative she doesn't like, or maybe your dd is more like your dh, or your dd just doesn't jump when your mom says "how high." Could be any number of things, but your mom should be the adult in the situation.

[Anonymous]

OP my MIL is like this

She did it to her daughters and tried it with mine

Oh no, Cut her off. Sorry she did it to herself now she is alone 83 years old no relationship with any of her grandchildren. My SIL did the same as me.

[Anonymous]

Probably reminds her of her MIL

Work with your DH to shut this down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP my MIL is like this

She did it to her daughters and tried it with mine

Oh no, Cut her off. Sorry she did it to herself now she is alone 83 years old no relationship with any of her grandchildren. My SIL did the same as me.

What a horrible thing to do to her. There was really no other option?

[Anonymous]

What's YOUR relationship with your mom like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP my MIL is like this

She did it to her daughters and tried it with mine

Oh no, Cut her off. Sorry she did it to herself now she is alone 83 years old no relationship with any of her grandchildren. My SIL did the same as me.

What a horrible thing to do to her. There was really no other option?

DP. Spare me. A parent's priority is to ensure the well being of their child. The natural consequence of a relative displaying such blatant favoritism is to eliminate opportunities for that favoritism to be displayed. It makes no difference what the age of the relative is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are the “petty things”?

Grasping at straws for perceived slights, daughter’s fashion choices, how daughter phrases things, just the silliest pettiest things. She isn’t cruel to my daughter’s face but she’ll complain later to me and to other family about my daughter. She also thinks we spoil her, while my nieces her same age live a far more pampered lifestyle. It’s basically exactly what my grandmother used to do and what my mother complained about 40 years ago!

My daughter is normal and even tempered, a good student, so there isn’t some extreme personality issue. She adores my son and she adores my other nieces, so there doesn’t appear to be much rhyme or reason to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP my MIL is like this

She did it to her daughters and tried it with mine

Oh no, Cut her off. Sorry she did it to herself now she is alone 83 years old no relationship with any of her grandchildren. My SIL did the same as me.

What a horrible thing to do to her. There was really no other option?

DP. Spare me. A parent's priority is to ensure the well being of their child. The natural consequence of a relative displaying such blatant favoritism is to eliminate opportunities for that favoritism to be displayed. It makes no difference what the age of the relative is.

Another DP. I think what PP was suggesting was a less extreme intervention. It’s off putting that they chose to only call cutting her off a horrible thing to do, with no mention of how harmful it is to play blatant favoritism with the grandkids. However they do have a point. It’s worth at least trying to protect the grandkids by sticking up for them and not allow that kind of behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are the “petty things”?

Grasping at straws for perceived slights, daughter’s fashion choices, how daughter phrases things, just the silliest pettiest things. She isn’t cruel to my daughter’s face but she’ll complain later to me and to other family about my daughter. She also thinks we spoil her, while my nieces her same age live a far more pampered lifestyle. It’s basically exactly what my grandmother used to do and what my mother complained about 40 years ago!

My daughter is normal and even tempered, a good student, so there isn’t some extreme personality issue. She adores my son and she adores my other nieces, so there doesn’t appear to be much rhyme or reason to it.

My guess is she doesn’t think your daughter is well mannered enough for a girl. She probably gives your boys a pass because they are boys. Do the other girls in the family have more traditional manners?

Regardless, it’s annoying. To me it sounds like not so much that she doesn’t like her, but rather than she doesn’t like how you are raising her and that she is trying to influence how you raise her through criticism of her to you.

[Anonymous]

Something in your daughter triggers her- maybe she reminders her of herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP my MIL is like this

She did it to her daughters and tried it with mine

Oh no, Cut her off. Sorry she did it to herself now she is alone 83 years old no relationship with any of her grandchildren. My SIL did the same as me.

What a horrible thing to do to her. There was really no other option?

DP. As stated, the MIL did it to herself. A better question is "What happened when you cut her off? Did she understand it was a consequence of her actions, and did she try to change and make amends?"

[Anonymous]

My grandmother hated one of my siblings because the kid was a brat and a bully. To this day the sibling is still angry about it and they are still a bully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There must be something causing her to have such different reactions to the grandkids.

Dementia?