If you have a mixture of adopted and birth children, is the love feeling different?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom genuinely forgets that her adopted kids are adopted. She'll talk about family resemblances, including things one of us supposedly inherited from a grandmother or something. When I was filling out college enrollment paperwork, I asked her what I should put for "family medical history," and she immediately responded, "Well, your great-grandmother had diabetes, your grandfather had heart issues," etc.

I've done that numerous times. For some reason a bunch of us were talking about when our oldest was born and I blanked and then panicked. Why can't I remember when he was born?! And then I realized: I wasn't there for it.

IDK why but I find this very sweet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom genuinely forgets that her adopted kids are adopted. She'll talk about family resemblances, including things one of us supposedly inherited from a grandmother or something. When I was filling out college enrollment paperwork, I asked her what I should put for "family medical history," and she immediately responded, "Well, your great-grandmother had diabetes, your grandfather had heart issues," etc.

I've done that numerous times. For some reason a bunch of us were talking about when our oldest was born and I blanked and then panicked. Why can't I remember when he was born?! And then I realized: I wasn't there for it.

IDK why but I find this very sweet.

+1,000,000.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well my adopted son grew up to be a senator and he is my favorite. My daughter (non-adopted) is just a teaching assistant at a school for blind kids. She is morbidly obese as well. My son (non-adopted) is actor, but he has struggled with addiction issues and his acting isn’t serious stuff. Mostly sitcoms and an occasional movie, but he is good looking.

I’m still proud of them all, especially with all they have been through since their dad died in a house fire when they were teens.

I feel so sorry for your daughter whom you judge by her weight rather than helping blind children. I bet both your birth children have no use for you either.

PP was being sarcastic. This is the premise for This Is Us.

[Anonymous]

I have both and I’m also an adoptee. I can say honestly that I love them equally. I didn’t bond immediately with either - that took time. In my case, my adopted child is the same race as I am and my bio child is obviously half. No one stands out in my family as being obviously racially different.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 bio kids and my love for each of them is very different. It's not more or less, but different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The better question is whether you regret your adopted kid when they are acting badly or upsetting you. Are you quick to wish you never got them?

With all due respect this question is dumb and could only come from someone who never adopted . No one adopta expecting a perfect child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 bio kids and my love for each of them is very different. It's not more or less, but different.

This. I only have bio kids but have a different relationship with each of them. I feel closer to my younger child because we have similar personalities and he needs me more (he has special needs), but love them both the same amount. I imagine if my older child was adopted I might think that played a role in our relationship, but really it's just our individual personalities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well my adopted son grew up to be a senator and he is my favorite. My daughter (non-adopted) is just a teaching assistant at a school for blind kids. She is morbidly obese as well. My son (non-adopted) is actor, but he has struggled with addiction issues and his acting isn’t serious stuff. Mostly sitcoms and an occasional movie, but he is good looking.

I’m still proud of them all, especially with all they have been through since their dad died in a house fire when they were teens.

When you make a commitment to a child, you got to stick to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well my adopted son grew up to be a senator and he is my favorite. My daughter (non-adopted) is just a teaching assistant at a school for blind kids. She is morbidly obese as well. My son (non-adopted) is actor, but he has struggled with addiction issues and his acting isn’t serious stuff. Mostly sitcoms and an occasional movie, but he is good looking.

I’m still proud of them all, especially with all they have been through since their dad died in a house fire when they were teens.

But they were all there for me at the end equally!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well my adopted son grew up to be a senator and he is my favorite. My daughter (non-adopted) is just a teaching assistant at a school for blind kids. She is morbidly obese as well. My son (non-adopted) is actor, but he has struggled with addiction issues and his acting isn’t serious stuff. Mostly sitcoms and an occasional movie, but he is good looking.

I’m still proud of them all, especially with all they have been through since their dad died in a house fire when they were teens.

I feel so sorry for your daughter whom you judge by her weight rather than helping blind children. I bet both your birth children have no use for you either.

Hopefully, they will all - plus the ghost of the obstetrician who brought them into this world - be there at OP's bedside when she dies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well my adopted son grew up to be a senator and he is my favorite. My daughter (non-adopted) is just a teaching assistant at a school for blind kids. She is morbidly obese as well. My son (non-adopted) is actor, but he has struggled with addiction issues and his acting isn’t serious stuff. Mostly sitcoms and an occasional movie, but he is good looking.

I’m still proud of them all, especially with all they have been through since their dad died in a house fire when they were teens.

You are the best, whoever you are.

[Anonymous]

I don't have any adopted kids, but I was a nanny for 15 years before having my own kids. I was with each family 50-55 hours per week and I cared for:

-One set of twins from 6 days told til 6 years old
-A child from 6 months until 3.5yo
-Another set of twins from their micro premie birth at 26.5 weeks until they were 6yo (was hired on as PP doula and lactation support but then stayed as FT nanny)

I loved all those kids SO much. I absolutely poured my heart and soul into them. When I was expecting my own first, I was fully prepared for this mind blowing love that was exponentially grander than my love for my nanny kids and it just....wasn't. My post party hormones made me feel like I was a bad mom for that but once I leveled out I realized that I truly just loved my nanny kids THAT much, as my own. DH and I have talked about adoption many times and my experience makes me fairly confident that I will love an adopted child as much as my own.

[Anonymous]

^PP here. LOL at autocorrecting postpartum to "Post party". Was 100% not a post party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well my adopted son grew up to be a senator and he is my favorite. My daughter (non-adopted) is just a teaching assistant at a school for blind kids. She is morbidly obese as well. My son (non-adopted) is actor, but he has struggled with addiction issues and his acting isn’t serious stuff. Mostly sitcoms and an occasional movie, but he is good looking.

I’m still proud of them all, especially with all they have been through since their dad died in a house fire when they were teens.

I love this!!!
This is Us for those who didn't get it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have any adopted kids, but I was a nanny for 15 years before having my own kids. I was with each family 50-55 hours per week and I cared for:

-One set of twins from 6 days told til 6 years old
-A child from 6 months until 3.5yo
-Another set of twins from their micro premie birth at 26.5 weeks until they were 6yo (was hired on as PP doula and lactation support but then stayed as FT nanny)

I loved all those kids SO much. I absolutely poured my heart and soul into them. When I was expecting my own first, I was fully prepared for this mind blowing love that was exponentially grander than my love for my nanny kids and it just....wasn't. My post party hormones made me feel like I was a bad mom for that but once I leveled out I realized that I truly just loved my nanny kids THAT much, as my own. DH and I have talked about adoption many times and my experience makes me fairly confident that I will love an adopted child as much as my own.

That's so sweet. SOrry for the PPD.
FWIW I didn't immediately feel love for the child I birthed. It built over time into something enormous. But at the birth I was just like "You put me through so much pain and fear and now I'm hemorraging"