Assure me I did the right thing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You DID do the right thing. My mother is dead, but for the last decade of her life I basically talked to her about stuff on tv, books, what was going on with Olympic gymnasts, and that's about it. Very VERY surface level. She viewed me as something she owned and anything I told her she felt free to tell any relatives regardless of whether I had a relationship with them or not. Info I gave her was then HERS to do with what she wanted. And she judged everything too.

Did you have any regrets when she passed? I am at the same point with my mom. I question if I should just "suck it up" for the next 5-10 years (she's almost 80) or continue with the "surface level" relationship we have in order to keep my sanity.

[Anonymous]

OP, I’d see this as a win. Her reaction shows you that you saved yourself all those extra barbs, and if she’s feeling hurt and detaching a bit, maybe it means she’s realizing something’s not working. If she brings it up, you able to gently tell her that the reason you didn’t mention it is that she is often so critical of you, you were reluctant to share it with her? Maybe that will sink in a bit.

Regardless of your mom’s attitude, enjoy your trip! Where are you going?

[Anonymous]

Oh, OP, you are an adult. You don’t need to justify how you spend YOUR money. You were right to hold back your planned activity/vacation etc. Think of it this way, if it won’t effect her, why share?