dad wants me to sign estate paperwork without seeing financials

[Anonymous]

My father just passed away. He was an accountant and a meticulous record keeper. He did estate planning and I know thought everything was clear and simple...yet it is not. Maybe we were not listening that well. Maybe that magic paper was lost. Anyways...tell your Dad you need to know all the details now while he can answer your questions.

[Anonymous]

Your father and his whole family seem untrustworthy. Time to hire your own attorney. Don’t sign anything yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The estate is in Texas. I am not being added as an executor, rather my uncle is being removed. The paperwork specifically says "The Beneficiary has had full and opportunity to inspect the books and records of the Trustee maintained with respect to the Trust" and "The Beneficiary has made such investigation regarding the actions, omissions, and decisions made by the Trustee in its capacity as Co-Trustee of the Trust as necessary to execute this Agreement" and "the Beneficiary has received, or been given the opportunity to review, regular account statements from the Trustee covering the period the Trustee served as Co-Trustee of the Trust."

I very much want to preserve the relationship I have with my dad, but I feel that this is one of the many conditionalities that he places on our relationship. The previous poster who identified the true issue as challenges in our relationship is correct. This is not about money. I feel like I have to make myself smaller to be able to have a relationship with him.

I guess the warmest way to handle this would be to find a time when I am feeling particularly calm and call him to explain that I don't feel comfortable signing without the info I am required to review but that I really don't anticipate any issues.

I would just be business-like and state that you need to review the documents before signing that you have seen the documents. If he throws a fit, I’m not sure you have really lost anything. Tell him he can be mad but you aren’t going to sign a false statement. He’ll come around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The estate is in Texas. I am not being added as an executor, rather my uncle is being removed. The paperwork specifically says "The Beneficiary has had full and opportunity to inspect the books and records of the Trustee maintained with respect to the Trust" and "The Beneficiary has made such investigation regarding the actions, omissions, and decisions made by the Trustee in its capacity as Co-Trustee of the Trust as necessary to execute this Agreement" and "the Beneficiary has received, or been given the opportunity to review, regular account statements from the Trustee covering the period the Trustee served as Co-Trustee of the Trust."

I very much want to preserve the relationship I have with my dad, but I feel that this is one of the many conditionalities that he places on our relationship. The previous poster who identified the true issue as challenges in our relationship is correct. This is not about money. I feel like I have to make myself smaller to be able to have a relationship with him.

I guess the warmest way to handle this would be to find a time when I am feeling particularly calm and call him to explain that I don't feel comfortable signing without the info I am required to review but that I really don't anticipate any issues.

I would say that you can't sign something that is false not that you are uncomfortable. The later opens you up to him trying to make you more comfortable. I agree with pointing out to him that he would never advise a client to do this. Plus I definitely think you should get our own lawyer and have she/he advise you.

In talking to your dad, try doing a lot of validating. "I know dealing with this estate has been a ton of work for you and I totally understand why you want it wrapped up quickly." Etc.

[Anonymous]

Last time I heard a parent ask something similiar to this, they had siphoned the money into their own accounts from the children’s. Sign nothing without an estate attorney reviewing the documents.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he’s cutting you and your sister out and prioritizing his new family. Get your own legal advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The estate is in Texas. I am not being added as an executor, rather my uncle is being removed. The paperwork specifically says "The Beneficiary has had full and opportunity to inspect the books and records of the Trustee maintained with respect to the Trust" and "The Beneficiary has made such investigation regarding the actions, omissions, and decisions made by the Trustee in its capacity as Co-Trustee of the Trust as necessary to execute this Agreement" and "the Beneficiary has received, or been given the opportunity to review, regular account statements from the Trustee covering the period the Trustee served as Co-Trustee of the Trust."

I very much want to preserve the relationship I have with my dad, but I feel that this is one of the many conditionalities that he places on our relationship. The previous poster who identified the true issue as challenges in our relationship is correct. This is not about money. I feel like I have to make myself smaller to be able to have a relationship with him.

I guess the warmest way to handle this would be to find a time when I am feeling particularly calm and call him to explain that I don't feel comfortable signing without the info I am required to review but that I really don't anticipate any issues.

I would say that you can't sign something that is false not that you are uncomfortable. The later opens you up to him trying to make you more comfortable. I agree with pointing out to him that he would never advise a client to do this. Plus I definitely think you should get our own lawyer and have she/he advise you.

In talking to your dad, try doing a lot of validating. "I know dealing with this estate has been a ton of work for you and I totally understand why you want it wrapped up quickly." Etc.

I agree with this take except I would say your lawyer won't let you sign it without reviewing the documents, or that those lines about having reviewed the documents need to be struck out.

If you say you're not comfortable, that doesn't close down the conversation, it just tells your dad to push you harder. If you can direct him to a lawyer, it's the best shot of you saving what you can of your relationship with your dad. Good luck, OP.

[Anonymous]

How much $$ are we talking about? Plane tickets are not that expensive right now. Book a ticket and tell him you are coming for 24 hours to review the paperwork and then sign.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much $$ are we talking about? Plane tickets are not that expensive right now. Book a ticket and tell him you are coming for 24 hours to review the paperwork and then sign.

This is what I'd do. Tell him you're happy to help expedite the paperwork, but of course you need to see all the financials before you sign a document staying you saw all the financials -- you learned that from dear old attorney dad!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should quietly hire an estate lawyer and get his legal advice.

Then I think you discuss with him and your sister how to handle this emotionally with your dad. Not sure but I’d make sure you remain polite.

As an attorney I can understand not wanting to sign a document that says you’ve reviewed something you haven’t

This is the answer. You probably don't already have an estate lawyer, so get one now. You don't have to tell your father that you just now did it; just tell him that you passed the documents on to the person who handles these things for you, and there are a few things to clear up.

Calm, pleasant, unemotional. if he reacts strongly, stay calm and a little befuddled -- that's just what you do, right? Have someone trained in the field handle paperwork? This isn't personal. Stay calm, stay pleasant. Youa re just going therough the appropriate motions, and it isn't about him.

If you need a bear, your lawyer can be the bear. It's not about you. It's just business stuff, you know.

[Anonymous]

NP here, so other posters ... are you thinking Op will be at financial risk -owe money somehow - by signing?

To me it seems like Op just won't know how much she could inherit, and that could be an unknown she could live with.

[Anonymous]

Update: he told me to just cross out the parts that aren't true but changed his mind, so he is sending me the financials. Apparently this is part of the estate. I guess I am the beneficiary of part of the life insurance policies. Hopefully that means that reviewing the financials will be straightforward: just regular payments into the policies and then the payment out after my grandparents passed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Update: he told me to just cross out the parts that aren't true but changed his mind, so he is sending me the financials. Apparently this is part of the estate. I guess I am the beneficiary of part of the life insurance policies. Hopefully that means that reviewing the financials will be straightforward: just regular payments into the policies and then the payment out after my grandparents passed.

I'm glad he changed his mind, OP. I was concerned like others that he was up to something, but it sounds like he was just trying to get the paperwork done quickly and realizes he was cutting corners with you.

Don't be afraid to ask questions about the financials if you have any. You don't have to be a doormat about this just to keep your dad from getting angry/annoyed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your question is not a legal one about whether to sign or not, without the financial paperwork. On that topic, DCUM will be unanimous - don't sign it without reviewing the financial docs. Rather, it is about how to manage your father's expectations. That is the trickier question and DCUM will likely have different opinions on that.

But I would start with this. Take your father out to dinner and have a separate conversation with him, without the pressure of signing the docs. It seems like there is some baggage that both of you have and start doing the hard work of figuring out how to put some of the baggage down. That baggage will get in the way of amicably addressing this estate paperwork.

I wholeheartedly agree with your statements -- but unfortunately, he wants her to sign ASAP. If there is a ton of this baggage like you state, I imagine it's filled with resentment & abandonment amongst many other issues... sadly, I don't think that can be solved over one dinner.

He's a high powered lawyer -- so was mine -- they're narcissists for the majority. I don't see him having any openness & empathy towards OP's feelings, rather, she's just another one of his pawns I'm accomplishing whatever it is he wants (and yes, her pushback will be the equivalent of traitorous).

[Anonymous]

* pawns in accomplishing