dad wants me to sign estate paperwork without seeing financials

[Anonymous]

My father, a high-powered attorney, is the executor of his mother's estate. He spent decades protecting her fortune, including from multi-million dollar loans to his own siblings, and is understandably going to be relieved to have this whole mess behind him. He told me two days ago that I am a beneficiary of a family trust. He has drawn up paperwork to remove my uncle as co-executor (one of the siblings who took large loans). He wants me to sign these papers ASAP. However, they very clearly state that I have been given access to the financial information about how money has been spent to-date and been able to review them carefully. This is just false.

I have spent years rebuilding a relationship with him after he objected to the man I married (he has come around and now loves him), in addition to issues relating to the way he prioritizes time with his second family. Part of me just wants to sign to avoid the heartache of being accused of disloyalty for asking to see the financials. However, my sister, who he basically stopped parenting in middle school when he left my mom, feels strongly that we should ask to see the financials before signing. I do not anticipate that either of stands to inherit much, but then I have no information. I anticipate that he will view any questions I ask as "disloyalty" or "trouble making" and lash out at me. However, I also suspect that I could be legally liable for signing a false statement, if there is any financial malfeasance.

[Anonymous]

He's an attorney- and he's advising you to sign without you having the opportunity to perform your own due diligence? Legal malpractice. Insist on all the documents, then hire your own counsel to review.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't sign it. If he wants to throw a fit ask if he would advise a client to sign without seeing the the information. Obviously, he wouldn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's an attorney- and he's advising you to sign without you having the opportunity to perform your own due diligence? Legal malpractice. Insist on all the documents, then hire your own counsel to review.

+1

[Anonymous]

No, and have your own attorney review it.

[Anonymous]

OP, your question is not a legal one about whether to sign or not, without the financial paperwork. On that topic, DCUM will be unanimous - don't sign it without reviewing the financial docs. Rather, it is about how to manage your father's expectations. That is the trickier question and DCUM will likely have different opinions on that.

But I would start with this. Take your father out to dinner and have a separate conversation with him, without the pressure of signing the docs. It seems like there is some baggage that both of you have and start doing the hard work of figuring out how to put some of the baggage down. That baggage will get in the way of amicably addressing this estate paperwork.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's an attorney- and he's advising you to sign without you having the opportunity to perform your own due diligence? Legal malpractice. Insist on all the documents, then hire your own counsel to review.

This. Which state are you in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father, a high-powered attorney, is the executor of his mother's estate. He spent decades protecting her fortune, including from multi-million dollar loans to his own siblings, and is understandably going to be relieved to have this whole mess behind him. He told me two days ago that I am a beneficiary of a family trust. He has drawn up paperwork to remove my uncle as co-executor (one of the siblings who took large loans). He wants me to sign these papers ASAP. However, they very clearly state that I have been given access to the financial information about how money has been spent to-date and been able to review them carefully. This is just false.

I have spent years rebuilding a relationship with him after he objected to the man I married (he has come around and now loves him), in addition to issues relating to the way he prioritizes time with his second family. Part of me just wants to sign to avoid the heartache of being accused of disloyalty for asking to see the financials. However, my sister, who he basically stopped parenting in middle school when he left my mom, feels strongly that we should ask to see the financials before signing. I do not anticipate that either of stands to inherit much, but then I have no information. I anticipate that he will view any questions I ask as "disloyalty" or "trouble making" and lash out at me. However, I also suspect that I could be legally liable for signing a false statement, if there is any financial malfeasance.

It doesn’t matter how the money has been “spent to date.” Once you’re the executor, you’re in charge and can see the financials then.

Just sign the papers.

[Anonymous]

I would point out the language to him and ask him his thoughts. If he does not want to show you the paperwork then perhaps the language can be redlined so that you are not signing something false.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father, a high-powered attorney, is the executor of his mother's estate. He spent decades protecting her fortune, including from multi-million dollar loans to his own siblings, and is understandably going to be relieved to have this whole mess behind him. He told me two days ago that I am a beneficiary of a family trust. He has drawn up paperwork to remove my uncle as co-executor (one of the siblings who took large loans). He wants me to sign these papers ASAP. However, they very clearly state that I have been given access to the financial information about how money has been spent to-date and been able to review them carefully. This is just false.

I have spent years rebuilding a relationship with him after he objected to the man I married (he has come around and now loves him), in addition to issues relating to the way he prioritizes time with his second family. Part of me just wants to sign to avoid the heartache of being accused of disloyalty for asking to see the financials. However, my sister, who he basically stopped parenting in middle school when he left my mom, feels strongly that we should ask to see the financials before signing. I do not anticipate that either of stands to inherit much, but then I have no information. I anticipate that he will view any questions I ask as "disloyalty" or "trouble making" and lash out at me. However, I also suspect that I could be legally liable for signing a false statement, if there is any financial malfeasance.

It doesn’t matter how the money has been “spent to date.” Once you’re the executor, you’re in charge and can see the financials then.

Just sign the papers.

OP isn't going to be the executor, she's being asked by the executor to sign papers that state she's already seen the financials. That's not true.

Don't sign, OP. Just tell your father calmly, "I'm sure you wouldn't ask a client to sign a false statement, so I hope you wouldn't ask me. That's not trouble making, it's simply what any intelligent person like you would advise me to do."

[Anonymous]

Divorce him!
Oh, wait...

[Anonymous]

The estate is in Texas. I am not being added as an executor, rather my uncle is being removed. The paperwork specifically says "The Beneficiary has had full and opportunity to inspect the books and records of the Trustee maintained with respect to the Trust" and "The Beneficiary has made such investigation regarding the actions, omissions, and decisions made by the Trustee in its capacity as Co-Trustee of the Trust as necessary to execute this Agreement" and "the Beneficiary has received, or been given the opportunity to review, regular account statements from the Trustee covering the period the Trustee served as Co-Trustee of the Trust."

I very much want to preserve the relationship I have with my dad, but I feel that this is one of the many conditionalities that he places on our relationship. The previous poster who identified the true issue as challenges in our relationship is correct. This is not about money. I feel like I have to make myself smaller to be able to have a relationship with him.

I guess the warmest way to handle this would be to find a time when I am feeling particularly calm and call him to explain that I don't feel comfortable signing without the info I am required to review but that I really don't anticipate any issues.

[Anonymous]

So...what would be the consequences if you refuse to sign? If he's upset, would he block your receiving your trust? Could he revoke it? Obviously I know nothing about this

Dealing with people like your father is always such a pain, OP. I sympathize entirely.

[Anonymous]

I think you should quietly hire an estate lawyer and get his legal advice.

Then I think you discuss with him and your sister how to handle this emotionally with your dad. Not sure but I’d make sure you remain polite.

As an attorney I can understand not wanting to sign a document that says you’ve reviewed something you haven’t

[Anonymous]

I have a feeling that your father is hoping you will be too worried about preserving the relationship to ask to see the info. If he’s going to be offended that you’re asking for the info before signing a legal document, there might be bigger issues here. Is there any chance he misused the funds? Why is he having your uncle removed as co-trustee?

You definitely need to verify whatever it is that you’re signing. Just ask him to send you the info so that you can review and see what he says.