I never had all these, should I pretend or make up stories?

[Anonymous]

Don't pretend! These are "different families have different traditions" moments. No reason for them to think everyone celebrates all the same holidays and believes in the same things. The lesson is that we don't tell other people that what or how they celebrate is wrong or isn't real.

[Anonymous]

There are differences even among families in the same geographical area. My grandparents all grew up not only in the same state, but even in the same county within that state. One of their families didn’t make a big deal out of Thanksgiving, but the others had big family dinners. One family has always made a big fuss over Memorial Day (Decoration Day before that), and goes all out, visiting the graves of multiple generations of deceased relatives and decorating them by planting flowering plants. My mom grew up in a more rural area than I did, so there weren’t very many houses to visit for trick or treating. As a result, the local kids made up a different homemade costume each night and trick or treated at local houses every night for a week!

You shouldn’t make up answers to your kids’ questions. They’re asking because they want more information about you, specifically. They obviously have a sense that you may have grown up with different traditions or they wouldn’t have asked in the first place.

[Anonymous]

No. Just be honest. Santa and the Tooth Fairy didn't used to travel to Asia when you were a kid but now they do.

[Anonymous]

I think explaining that different people have different traditions is a good thing. We said something similar when our kids asked for a pet from Santa ... knowing that their friend had received a dog from Santa. We just said that our deal for our family is that Santa doesn't bring pets.

[Anonymous]

OP: My 9 yr old has a friend who's parents are Asian. She does not have those traditions here and they talk about it. My child has convinced herself that you have to believe to get the benefit and she's holding on to TF and Santa for as long as her little girl logic will allow.

That other child does come over to our house to decorate the tree and enjoys that tradition. Her mom doesn't want us giving her gifts though. In their particular culture, I don't think they like "owing" anyone anything.

[Anonymous]

^^ she's also asked for red envelops of cash and I told her I'd give her one if she could explain the tradition. crickets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ she's also asked for red envelops of cash and I told her I'd give her one if she could explain the tradition. crickets.

Not sure anyone can adequately explain traditions like that. Can you explain why you believe a fat man in an airborne sleigh powered by reindeer slides down chimneys to deliver gifts? Does anyone know why that's a tradition?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think explaining that different people have different traditions is a good thing. We said something similar when our kids asked for a pet from Santa ... knowing that their friend had received a dog from Santa. We just said that our deal for our family is that Santa doesn't bring pets.

I'm Jewish and agree with this strongly. OP, it was really uncomfortable for me as a kid to encounter kids who thought that EVERYONE celebrated Christmas. They tended to assume that my family was bad or something because we didn't. This will happen to your kid too if you make stuff up - they'll encounter someone from an Asian tradition that doesn't do Santa and they'll be confused because "even my mom had Santa in Asia!" Just explain that different people have different traditions, and you didn't have Christmas but their dad did (I assume? otherwise why are you celebrating it now?) so your family now celebrates it.

[Anonymous]

Kids do not ask this. Op, you are talking about having no experience, being different. You are making this an issue.

[Anonymous]

I grew up overseas and my mom “adopted” the holidays she didn’t have in the US so that I wouldn’t feel left out with my peers at the local school. It’s a modern faux-pas to ask international citizens to adopt American customs, but it’s nice for the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the child of immigrants and I don't recall ever asking my parents if they had tooth fairy/Santa Claus/etc. when they were children, so one thing to consider is that they won't remember your explanation so it doesn't have to be a good one. They might have just said "oh we didn't have that" or something like that.

You also don't *have* to do all of the stuff you mentioned. My parents did the tooth fairy and half-heartedly did Santa Claus, and it was enough.

Also, your way of explaining advent is how my husband (whose father is a pastor) explains it to our kids, for what it's worth

This. My mom let us have all these things, but I don’t remember asking them if they did.

Our family is multicultural now and my kids accept that there are different holidays all over the world. They love that they get to celebrate a range. I recommend the UNICEF children’s book, Children Just Like Me: Celebrations! Definitely pass on the ones you had as a kid. Mine love Lunar new year, etc.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in this country in a non-Christian family. I didn’t have most of that stuff either (except for the tooth fairy). NBD because we had our own traditions and celebrations.

[Anonymous]

My immigrant mother said (and I quote): “that’s just stupid stuff Americans made up. Don’t worry about it.”

Ah, the immigrant experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids do not ask this. Op, you are talking about having no experience, being different. You are making this an issue.

This.

[Anonymous]

My kids know I'm a foreign born and don't know anything. I told them so many, "and in Russian, we..," stories. They finally told me to go you know where with my Russian stories because I'm not even a Russian nor did I grow up in there.
Shortly, they know not to ask. My accent my keep them away from anything to do with America and what Americans do.