Does anyone find it difficult to bond with their ILs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also op - they also have an additional Christmas they insist on holding before real Christmas where everyone opens gifts under tbe tree at their house - bc they used to host Christmas and now we do - even though I told mil her extended family is all welcome to come to us. I guess I get it but things like this make me feel a variety of feelings

8:45 again. You are upset that MIL wants kids to open presents at her house? Let this go. When mine were little, they had 3 of these. One at my parents, one at DH’s side and then at our house. I didn’t want everything there at our house since it was chaos. You can’t expect your MIL to bring her entire extended family to your house instead of having her own celebration. She sounds very reasonable and accommodating if she’s doing this early and not insisting everyone is at her house on Christmas. Read the 1 million other DCUM posts.

[Anonymous]

OP, ask yourself if you really need to bond with them.

I have a great relationship with my in laws, cordial and friendly. But I don’t bond with them. What we have in common is DH and the kids, and that is fine. It doesn’t need to be deeper than that.

The pressure you are putting on yourself to connect is making you unhappy. Let it go.

I would take the kids to the park or whatever and leave FIL to “rest” for a couple of hours a day. He doesn’t have to come with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, ask yourself if you really need to bond with them.

I have a great relationship with my in laws, cordial and friendly. But I don’t bond with them. What we have in common is DH and the kids, and that is fine. It doesn’t need to be deeper than that.

The pressure you are putting on yourself to connect is making you unhappy. Let it go.

I would take the kids to the park or whatever and leave FIL to “rest” for a couple of hours a day. He doesn’t have to come with you.

+1 Let go of the pressure you are putting on yourself. If they irritate or annoy you, that’s okay. If you don’t enjoy their company, that’s okay too. It doesn’t sound like you’re acting out on those feelings and there’s absolutely no reason to feel guilty about them.

It’s your guilt or judgment of yourself that’s the problem, not your IL’s.

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone. Honestly I think having permission to hate having them is actually a relief. I’m still going to be super nice and try my hardest - but the pressure to actually enjoy it being off in many ways is a gift to my mental health!

[Anonymous]

You're obviously disgusted with them, how could you ever bond with them when you feel that way about them?

[Anonymous]

Your DH will most likely become his father in 20-30 years. Just FYI!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're obviously disgusted with them, how could you ever bond with them when you feel that way about them?

Oh, STFU, MIL (not OP’s but an entitled MIL nonetheless). Don’t even try to deny it.

[Anonymous]

They’re dead, so yeah. They were dead when I met DH and disconcertingly remain so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're obviously disgusted with them, how could you ever bond with them when you feel that way about them?

Op - yes I am a little disgusted by fil. I don’t think you are seeing something novel here. If I weren’t it would be weird - given all the info I have shared about him. This is the issue

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DH will most likely become his father in 20-30 years. Just FYI!

Fil was this way by 40