From an Independent School Coach--Do's and Don'ts for Parents

[Anonymous]

6. DO pay attention to overuse issues. Playing the same sport 300 days a year can overstress joints, tendons etc., not to mention burnout. Consider having your child try a "new" sport or play multiple sports for the school -- your future Mia Hamm might turn out to be a whiz at cross - country or crew or lacrosse or field hockey or track and field. Same goes for your future Hopkins laxer-- maybe he would enjoy football or wrestling too

I actually don't agree with this one. My husband who played professional baseball had to focus on baseball by hs as some of the other sports could potentially cause problems with his shoulder muscle memory--he was a pitcher. Now most kids are not going to be in the big leagues but..if you have a child who is really showing promise in a certain sport...I would say that sometimes you do have to focus on that sport by hs..not talking five year olds but older kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:6. DO pay attention to overuse issues. Playing the same sport 300 days a year can overstress joints, tendons etc., not to mention burnout. Consider having your child try a "new" sport or play multiple sports for the school -- your future Mia Hamm might turn out to be a whiz at cross - country or crew or lacrosse or field hockey or track and field. Same goes for your future Hopkins laxer-- maybe he would enjoy football or wrestling too

I actually don't agree with this one. My husband who played professional baseball had to focus on baseball by hs as some of the other sports could potentially cause problems with his shoulder muscle memory--he was a pitcher. Now most kids are not going to be in the big leagues but..if you have a child who is really showing promise in a certain sport...I would say that sometimes you do have to focus on that sport by hs..not talking five year olds but older kids.

cool. btw, (big-league) pitchers are known to play golf on off days. did he?

[Anonymous]

I think "paying attention to potential over use" is not inconsistent with a talented athlete specializing; but it's smart to be aware of the possibility of overuse and, even more, burnout. It is anecdotal only but I've seen a lot of specialist kids burn out on their sport (and others who are blissfully playing on). Seems like it's a reasonable thing to think about on balance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I coach at the high school level at an Independent school in the area. I know many on this board have younger kids, but it is worth putting out there for future parent generations So here are some thoughts from the coaching sidelines, in handy "do's and don'ts" format:
1. DO come to some games/matches if your schedule permits-- your kid will really appreciate it even if they don't tell you.
2. DO cheer. But . . . Not with props like a cowbell or drum or horn-- your child will be mortified.
3. DON'T hassle/berate/boo the officials. Why? Check out these reasons and pick one that appeals! Very few parents know the rules well enough to truly critique some of the more technical calls. Not every call against your team is a bad one (Law of averages supports this novel thought). The officials on the field are sometimes screened from the vantage point that sideline fans have. It is the coach's role, not the players' or fans,' to "work" the officials if they feel it necessary. Parent bodies who scream at officials does not put your school in a good light. It is tough to teach the kids sportsmanship if their parents whine/moan/protest about officiating. The officials are not highly paid, and many are trying to give back something to a sport they care about.
4. DON'T contact the coach about your kid's playing time--if you must be involved, perhaps before or after the season you can discuss with the coach your child's potential and off-season strategies for improvement. (Still don't recommend it.) If you want strong, self-reliant kids, they need to (1) occasionally deal with some disappointment in their lives; and (2) learn to have those conversations ("I feel like I could contribute more/is there a way I could improve so I can help the team more in competition") directly with the coach.
5. DON'T buy into DCUM - type conspiracy theories about the team (rich kids don't get cut! Etc) Coaches make their own decisions and want to win--they often don't know "who" the parents are in terms of stature etc.
6. DO pay attention to overuse issues. Playing the same sport 300 days a year can overstress joints, tendons etc., not to mention burnout. Consider having your child try a "new" sport or play multiple sports for the school -- your future Mia Hamm might turn out to be a whiz at cross - country or crew or lacrosse or field hockey or track and field. Same goes for your future Hopkins laxer-- maybe he would enjoy football or wrestling too.
7. DON'T assume that it is a bad experience just because your kid's team didn't win the league or (GASP!) even have a winning season. You don't see what goes on at practice, for one thing. The coach that shouts in games may be an incredibly encouraging teacher in a practice setting. And as for the total experience? Did your child get exercise? Make good friends on the team? Improve in skills? It is not all about the "W"s ( at this level, anyway!).
8. DON'T make the experience all about getting into college. That is a valid reason to pursue a sport at a high level but make sure you and your family enjoy the experience for itself.
9. DO give yourself credit for making the sacrifices you've made (tedious Saturday afternoons, long drives, cutting up the proverbial half time oranges) ton help your child be involved in athletics at any level. It is worth it!

Bumping this with all the sports focus lately on DCUM. Good advice here.

[Anonymous]

Bumping and removing the quotation feature because it is easier to read:

I coach at the high school level at an Independent school in the area. I know many on this board have younger kids, but it is worth putting out there for future parent generations So here are some thoughts from the coaching sidelines, in handy "do's and don'ts" format:
1. DO come to some games/matches if your schedule permits-- your kid will really appreciate it even if they don't tell you.
2. DO cheer. But . . . Not with props like a cowbell or drum or horn-- your child will be mortified.
3. DON'T hassle/berate/boo the officials. Why? Check out these reasons and pick one that appeals! Very few parents know the rules well enough to truly critique some of the more technical calls. Not every call against your team is a bad one (Law of averages supports this novel thought). The officials on the field are sometimes screened from the vantage point that sideline fans have. It is the coach's role, not the players' or fans,' to "work" the officials if they feel it necessary. Parent bodies who scream at officials does not put your school in a good light. It is tough to teach the kids sportsmanship if their parents whine/moan/protest about officiating. The officials are not highly paid, and many are trying to give back something to a sport they care about.
4. DON'T contact the coach about your kid's playing time--if you must be involved, perhaps before or after the season you can discuss with the coach your child's potential and off-season strategies for improvement. (Still don't recommend it.) If you want strong, self-reliant kids, they need to (1) occasionally deal with some disappointment in their lives; and (2) learn to have those conversations ("I feel like I could contribute more/is there a way I could improve so I can help the team more in competition") directly with the coach.
5. DON'T buy into DCUM - type conspiracy theories about the team (rich kids don't get cut! Etc) Coaches make their own decisions and want to win--they often don't know "who" the parents are in terms of stature etc.
6. DO pay attention to overuse issues. Playing the same sport 300 days a year can overstress joints, tendons etc., not to mention burnout. Consider having your child try a "new" sport or play multiple sports for the school -- your future Mia Hamm might turn out to be a whiz at cross - country or crew or lacrosse or field hockey or track and field. Same goes for your future Hopkins laxer-- maybe he would enjoy football or wrestling too.
7. DON'T assume that it is a bad experience just because your kid's team didn't win the league or (GASP!) even have a winning season. You don't see what goes on at practice, for one thing. The coach that shouts in games may be an incredibly encouraging teacher in a practice setting. And as for the total experience? Did your child get exercise? Make good friends on the team? Improve in skills? It is not all about the "W"s ( at this level, anyway!).
8. DON'T make the experience all about getting into college. That is a valid reason to pursue a sport at a high level but make sure you and your family enjoy the experience for itself.
9. DO give yourself credit for making the sacrifices you've made (tedious Saturday afternoons, long drives, cutting up the proverbial half time oranges) ton help your child be involved in athletics at any level. It is worth it!

[Anonymous]

I wonder what it would be like to have a team where everyone plays. If you're good enough to make the team, the team needs you for the win. No drama over coaches playing favorites. No exhausted, spent players. There are rested teammates ready to go. Players supporting each other. At the high school level, I think it's gotta be better than how most coaches handle teams now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder what it would be like to have a team where everyone plays. If you're good enough to make the team, the team needs you for the win. No drama over coaches playing favorites. No exhausted, spent players. There are rested teammates ready to go. Players supporting each other. At the high school level, I think it's gotta be better than how most coaches handle teams now.

Are you one of those "everyone deserves a trophy moms??"

[Anonymous]

Volleyball season just got over and it was truly sad to see how many parents do not come to the matches. And many have SAHM's that have no excuse. I would say out of a team of 12, there were 1-3 moms a game and 2 different Dads the whole season.

So I agree with #1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Volleyball season just got over and it was truly sad to see how many parents do not come to the matches. And many have SAHM's that have no excuse. I would say out of a team of 12, there were 1-3 moms a game and 2 different Dads the whole season.

So I agree with #1

That is sad, and surprising. My DC plays HS soccer at a public school and certainly for all home games, and most away games, nearly all the parents were there. Many parents showed up even for pre season scrimmages. We also had a pretty large student crowd for home games and a loyal group of students for away games.