Moms 35 and Older - When Did You Share Pregnancy News with Friends and Family

[Anonymous]

For my first pregnancy at 38 I told before we got the test results because we were visiting family when I was 9ish weeks and I wanted to tell in person. Also I felt awful and had changed my eating, drinking, and sleeping habits so it was obvious anyway.

With my fourth pregnancy (after 2 MCs) at 41 I waited until after we got test results and I was through the first trimester to say anything to family. We told some close friends early on though.

35 is young and your OB sounds very old fashioned and way out of line. Frankly, I’d be concerned about the quality of care you’re getting and find another provider. This sounds like a doctor who leans more toward “doctor knows best” instead of “informed consent of patient.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why aren't you having the NIPT test done? I did it at 10 weeks and got the results back in 2 days.

The earlier you do the test, the higher the odds that there won’t be a sufficiently high fetal reaction to yield a result. Many practices won’t do the NIPT this early, so it may or may not be an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why aren't you having the NIPT test done? I did it at 10 weeks and got the results back in 2 days.

OP- By blood test I meant NIST. I didn't know you could do it at 10 weeks though. My OB had me do it at 12 weeks before so I assumed that was the earliest you could do it. I also didn't realize that results could be turned around so quickly. I got the results in about two weeks last time, so I assumed that was standard.

For the person who mentioned amnio and CVS testing- I haven't done either test with my previous pregnancies. I was under the impression that it would make sense to do them if something came up during the NIST test, if parents are carriers of the same genetic disorders, or if sibling(s) have something that can be screened for in either test but not the NIST. Why would someone choose to do amnio or CVS testing if there are no indicators of a problem?

Because as explained above, the NIPT is just a general risk assessment. For families who really want to know if their fetus carries certain genetic disorders, they need either an amnio or a CVS.

Certainly true, but if your NIPT comes back as low risk most practices will advise you not to do the invasive testing. It’s true that the NIPT isn’t diagnostic but the point of the test is largely to determine whether further testing makes sense.

[Anonymous]

I told family early, and they told everyone. Then when the NIPT test came back positive for T21, I had to get an amnio and make some tough decisions. Whether you continue or terminate, telling people the diagnosis sucks, and some get quite judgmental. If I get pregnant again, I won't tell anyone until it becomes obvious and I have all the test results.

I also wouldn't recommend an amnio unless your doctor thinks it is necessary. It carries a risk of miscarriage and hurts like hell.

[Anonymous]

I got pregnant at 35 and only told family and friends after 14 weeks, after having the test results. I did tell a few close friends around week 9, in confidence.

[Anonymous]

First pregnancy at 37 was the result of IVF/FET, and our parents knew we were doing a transfer, so we told both my parents and DH’s parents once we had results of the repeat beta. But we are both very close to our parents, and I would have spoken to my mom about any loss, anyway. I also told my lifelong best friend who is like a sister to me. No one else found out until we had NIPT results back at 11 weeks.
Second pregnancy at 41 was a surprise, and I was 6 weeks before I realized I was pregnant. Immediate family was told around 9 weeks. Others were told at 12 weeks, after NIPT came back. I was also already showing at that point, so hiding it much longer would have been a challenge.
I had no plans of doing an amnio either time, unless the NIPT had come back indicating an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I told family early, and they told everyone. Then when the NIPT test came back positive for T21, I had to get an amnio and make some tough decisions. Whether you continue or terminate, telling people the diagnosis sucks, and some get quite judgmental. If I get pregnant again, I won't tell anyone until it becomes obvious and I have all the test results.

I also wouldn't recommend an amnio unless your doctor thinks it is necessary. It carries a risk of miscarriage and hurts like hell.

I'm really sorry you went through this. That really sucks.

[Anonymous]

I lost my pregnancy at 15 weeks so won't be telling anyone until 21 weeks or more if I ever stop miscarrying.

[Anonymous]

Just as a FYI - you can still miscarry after a normal NIPT. That was me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want to terminate and you don't want to share that with everybody (or lie and say you have a miscarriage), don't tell until the first tests come back normal.

I waited until the nuchal translucency scan but by the third pregnancy I didn't care anymore.

This is what you need to decide first. Or, if you reveal you are pregnant, don’t tell people when all the testing is coming back so you can make your own decisions on termination.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told family early, and they told everyone. Then when the NIPT test came back positive for T21, I had to get an amnio and make some tough decisions. Whether you continue or terminate, telling people the diagnosis sucks, and some get quite judgmental. If I get pregnant again, I won't tell anyone until it becomes obvious and I have all the test results.

I also wouldn't recommend an amnio unless your doctor thinks it is necessary. It carries a risk of miscarriage and hurts like hell.

I'm really sorry you went through this. That really sucks.

+1. I'm so sorry PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I lost my pregnancy at 15 weeks so won't be telling anyone until 21 weeks or more if I ever stop miscarrying.

So sorry PP.

[Anonymous]

OP, to answer your question as to why someone would choose to do CVS or amnio when the NIPT is low risk, it is to be extra sure that the fetus is healthy. We are one of those families - did CVS with my daughter at age 27, and now with my latest pregnancy at age 36 (16 weeks today). We did CVS and not amnio for both - yes, there is a miscarriage risk, but it is very low and we made sure to choose a provider that does such testing frequently, thus having a skilled hand. We have to do IVF due to both DH and I having fertility issues, and we wanted to be as sure as we possibly could that we were having a healthy baby after all of the hard work to get there. Yes, the CVS hurts, and I assume the amnio does too, but for us it was worth it to have peace of mind.

We told immediate family around 8 weeks this time, but only our parents. There was one close friend who knew before that because we needed her help watching our daughter during the IVF process, but that’s it. We didn’t start telling others until we had the CVS results back, and we don’t announce anything of social media until the birth. However, that is just how we are - we are pretty private with most things. It is all up to you and your comfort level - I do think your OB may have overstepped a bit.

[Anonymous]

after the anatomy scan. but i also never really understood people's urgent need share pregnancy news unless there's some other nuance involved. they'll still have lots of time to be happy for you.

[Anonymous]

I told my boss right away as I’m in service industry and was concerned about morning sickness during facials. My sister was on phone with me when I tested. A few close friends within first month. I wanted support in case of a loss. We told our parents at Christmas which was before scan. In hindsight that should have waited. All was well but could have not been. I was 41.