How often do you see your local adult children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents can never do it right. If the care, they are suffocating. If they give space, they aren't caring.

Yup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents can never do it right. If the care, they are suffocating. If they give space, they aren't caring.

No. I know plenty of people that have a balanced relationship with their parents. I envy them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents can never do it right. If the care, they are suffocating. If they give space, they aren't caring.

No. I know plenty of people that have a balanced relationship with their parents. I envy them.

DP. Let me guess. You think it’s all on the parents to figure out the exact degree of engagement their kids want, even if it changes from week to week? And that the kids have no role in maintaining the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the child and bummed that my parents don't seem to want to see me much. We have a seemingly good relationship with and live in the same neighborhood, but they never reach out. They are retired so it's not for lack of time. I know people can get more self centered when they get older, so maybe I'm expecting too much...we see them once every 2-3 weeks, almost always initiated by me, and text but don't talk in between.

I have 4 adult kids, and 2 live locally. I try to be respectful of their privacy, so I'd like to see them all the time, but I don't want to be too pushy. I call all my kids on Sundays, so we have a standing phone date. I invite the local kids over for dinner once every couple of weeks, but typically not at the same time (one child is married & the other is single, and I try to give them separate time with us). In addition, we have an ongoing text thread for the 4 kids & my DH & myself, but I'd say I'm the one sending photos & messages 80% of the time.

Then we, as an extended family with my sibs & mom, celebrate holidays all the time with large get-togethers (including minor holidays like Labor Day).

It's tough to know how much space to give, even though we've had the discussion; nobody wants to hurt anyone's feelings. If any of my kids expressed to me what you're saying here, I'd be open & happy to visit & call more often! For my son who lives out in Wisconsin, he flies out probably 3-4 times a year, and we visit him 1-2 times a year.

[Anonymous]

My mom lives about 30 minutes away and we see her about 2x per week, though its often quick. She usually does something to help out with the kids and getting them to activities after school. About 1-2x per month we do more of a proper dinner together.

My husband's family lives a few hours away and we see them probably 2-3 times per year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents rarely reach out to me. We see them maybe 4x a year and they live 10 minutes away. They are invited to all grandkids events and rarely come.

Typical boomers.

Well maybe you are the problem. Our two ADC live a flight away and they visit us two to three times a month (work us into business trips, lol) and we all vacation together for winter and spring breaks every year. But then, we love being around each other and their partners.

Signed, typical boomer parent

[Anonymous]

DHs parents are an hour drive. We see each other ever 2-3 months for a birthday or holiday. It’s just far enough that it requires planning, it can’t be worked into an errand. They are welcome to all DCs’ sporting events, but usually come to those 1-2x per year.

[Anonymous]

I have 2 adult daughters and I see both daily. My 25 year old still lives at home and my 27 year old lives in the apartment above us.

[Anonymous]

I am 59 years old and I play golf with my 29 years old son and 28 years old daughter every Saturday in the morning, weather permitting.  After golf, the three of us met their spouses, grandkids, and my wife for lunch.  We've been doing this after they graduated from college and it is still going strong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every.single.day. I am about to see him in 1 hr. He is still living right above us.

Haha

[Anonymous]

I’m the kid and we see my parents every weekend unless someone is out of town. It’s basically a “Sunday dinner at Grandma’s” sort of thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents rarely reach out to me. We see them maybe 4x a year and they live 10 minutes away. They are invited to all grandkids events and rarely come.

Typical boomers.

Well maybe you are the problem. Our two ADC live a flight away and they visit us two to three times a month (work us into business trips, lol) and we all vacation together for winter and spring breaks every year. But then, we love being around each other and their partners.

Signed, typical boomer parent

Your kids fly to see you 3 times a month? Do they have kids of their own? It seems you are typical boomers bc it’s still all about you.

We bought my typical boomer in laws a $1M house that is 3 minutes from us. They never visit and reach out only when they need something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 59 years old and I play golf with my 29 years old son and 28 years old daughter every Saturday in the morning, weather permitting.  After golf, the three of us met their spouses, grandkids, and my wife for lunch.  We've been doing this after they graduated from college and it is still going strong.

This is a great way to handle it. I think it's best if things are focused around doing something together and it's an easy tradition. Sunday dinner. Saturday golf. Come to all of Joey's baseball games.

OP, do you have kids?

What about a standing weekly dinner?

[Anonymous]

With these people with parents so close by who never reach out, maybe they just don't like you. I know that's harsh, but what other explanation is there?

No guarantee you're going to like the children you raise.

[Anonymous]

I see my daughter quarterly. My son, I see 1-2 times a year. The former lives in the same state, different county, about 1.5 hrs away. My daughter has a newborn and a 7 yr old so she’s admittedly very busy and I still work so I can’t help much with the baby due to scheduling. I always initiate because she is very busy. Kids aside, she also has a demanding job.

My son lives on another continent so I see him when he’s visiting the States or when I’m in his neck of the woods.