How often do you see your local adult children?

[Anonymous]

I'm the child and bummed that my parents don't seem to want to see me much. We have a seemingly good relationship with and live in the same neighborhood, but they never reach out. They are retired so it's not for lack of time. I know people can get more self centered when they get older, so maybe I'm expecting too much...we see them once every 2-3 weeks, almost always initiated by me, and text but don't talk in between.

[Anonymous]

I see my son about that often, and I am the one that reaches out usually. It feels about right, and he is always glad to see me. For me, I don't want to be too needy or bothersome. It may be that your parents are feeling the same way, and just giving you space. Maybe try getting together (you asking) more often and see how they respond. Also, say something when parting about doing something specific next time. You sound like a great "kid"!

[Anonymous]

+1 that the parents may just be trying to give you space to live your own life. They may even assume that they are old and boring to you, and don’t want to impose on you. So if you want to see them more, try telling them so, and let them know it’s ok for them to call or invite you.

[Anonymous]

OP I would assume what others are saying - they don’t want to be needy and bother you. They want you to be free and live your own life.

After my dad passed away I found out from his friends that he’d wanted to spend more time with me but had never initiated because he didn’t want to bother me or disrupt my life. So, I’d definitely not let feelings of resentment keep you from at least letting your parents know that you love their company and would like to get calls/requests to spend time.

[Anonymous]

Weekly. We have a standing day we spend together. Sometimes one of them is a bit late or has to leave a bit early, but generally weekly and they come to us. I go over when they invite me, and we drop off stuff if they're sick. When DD got Covid we dropped off a bag of food and medicine.

[Anonymous]

Every week or two we get together. We text and FaceTime almost daily- mostly initiated by DC. DC moved out in the summer, so we are trying to find our groove.

[Anonymous]

Every.single.day. I am about to see him in 1 hr. He is still living right above us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the child and bummed that my parents don't seem to want to see me much. We have a seemingly good relationship with and live in the same neighborhood, but they never reach out. They are retired so it's not for lack of time. I know people can get more self centered when they get older, so maybe I'm expecting too much...we see them once every 2-3 weeks, almost always initiated by me, and text but don't talk in between.

Can you find something to do together? I have a friend who takes 2x week yoga class with her daughter.

[Anonymous]

Wow, surprised at how frequent many of you are seeing your families. We mostly only see family at holidays, and our children’s events at school/sports. But perhaps that’s because of the phase of life we’re in.

[Anonymous]

My parents rarely reach out to me. We see them maybe 4x a year and they live 10 minutes away. They are invited to all grandkids events and rarely come.

Typical boomers.

[Anonymous]

I don't reach out because my parents called me every single day to talk about their dog or cat (it went on for years) and I don't want to be that needy. But if 2-3 weeks go by and they haven't reached out, I will.

[Anonymous]

My parents are in their early 70s and live 30 min away. I plan something with them every weekend - sometimes an activity,
sometimes just family dinner. They usually come to us for kid’s activities, but we try to go to them when we can. I have to do the planning - they don’t initiate. They claim they don’t want to bother me, but really it’s that my mom gets annoyed if I can’t talk at the exact moment she calls or I don’t like her suggestions.

If my parents lived in my neighborhood, I would expect they would come over for dinner 2-3x a week. Nothing formal, just pop in and hear how the kids’ day went at school. I fantasize about being able to buy them a house walking distance so that when my kids are teens they could go over and take the trash out, mow the lawn or I could take them to appointments, or drop off a hot lunch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the child and bummed that my parents don't seem to want to see me much. We have a seemingly good relationship with and live in the same neighborhood, but they never reach out. They are retired so it's not for lack of time. I know people can get more self centered when they get older, so maybe I'm expecting too much...we see them once every 2-3 weeks, almost always initiated by me, and text but don't talk in between.

Your parents were good parents, Right? Why us it being self centered when your parents want to live their lives? As long as they are seeing you parents have a right to be free. They probably don't want to cramp your life. And being retired dies not mean you aren't busy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents rarely reach out to me. We see them maybe 4x a year and they live 10 minutes away. They are invited to all grandkids events and rarely come.

Typical boomers.

You do know that "boomers" gen x millennial are all made up? Would you want your life to be summed up in one dismissive word?

Of you want to see your parents go see them.

[Anonymous]

Parents can never do it right. If the care, they are suffocating. If they give space, they aren't caring.