Feeling cynical about the IEP: why am I fighting so hard for crappy services?

[Anonymous]

This is why I pulled my kids out of ps. Get full time help and figure it therapists on your own

[Anonymous]

I do think it is important to consider that it is not really a fair comparison. There is a huge difference between the medical model of service provision and the educational model. That being said, it is undoubtedly true that we are asking too much of staff who cannot possibly meet the true need. In most cases staff are caring and motivated, but it is an uphill battle each day and very frustrating to not make the kind of progress that would be made in another setting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree to an extent. I find having an attorney take the lead helps my mental health. It’s an exhausting, emotionally draining experience and it’s nice to have someone detached to handle some of it.

I agree with this, even though I also agree that the $$ spent on lawyers is actually money that could be spent on therapists/treatment. I couldn't afford to keep spending money on lawyers and advocates, so I learned to do the work myself. I found a family member who could reliably accompany me to this meetings - to keep me from punching someone and to keep me from going crazy from the gaslighting! I found that there was also, frankly, a lot of misogyny at the meetings (even when most participants were other women). Even when I was making statements that were 100% grounded in the law and in the neuroopsychological evidence, I would be dismissed as an emotional woman/mother who couldn't accept that her special snowflake wasn't special. In these instances, it helped to have a man with a professional degree or professional experience come into the meeting -- so I did occasionally hire advocates or attorneys (or threaten to).

I worked really hard to keep the IEP and keep demonstrating that the services provided were lies because it gave me leverage to make sure that the accommodations were provided with 100% accuracy. It became easier for the school to give in on my challenges to the failure to provide accommodations when they knew that I could file a complaint about so much more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I stared teaching 28 years ago, OP, and I have taught in one really terrible school system and two of the best. I can say with near certainty that what you are paying does not justify any possible outcome it could produce, simply because the money is just not there in public schools to adequately staff and service so many high needs kids. It is just not possible. Caseloads are impossibly high. If you have a child on the autism spectrum, unless you think the child is in a wholly inappropriate placement or is receiving no support and being actively hurt by it, I would focus your money toward paying direct providers of services to your child. I’ve seen parents spend thousands of dollars in legal support for changes that resulted in changes in goals or slight servicing hours that realky didn’t make that big of a difference since school staff were still just as constrained by current staff availability. So a child was maybe added to another small group for supper in math with an IA for 20 more minutes daily or something like that. But that same exact $$& could have done directly to a certified SpEd teacher to tutor your child for an hour daily, 1-1, with much higher impact. Or to hire an in-home therapist 3x/wk.

I mean this as no bash to SpEd teachers or programs in general (except the one truly bad school where I spent one year, which was malpractice all around.) The vast majority of staff are already shortening their lives with stress trying to help your kid. And the fact is that changes in an IEP, if you’re child is already in a team taught class, is not going to magically result in a lot more direct help for your kid, just because the changes IRP doesn’t magically provide the school with more IA’s or teachers.

The only big blanket exception I would say for this would be for advocating for students with emotional disabilities to be in a nurturing, supportive, small-class environment for students with EDs. My former school had a full wrap around program for those students, including art and music therapy, a fully staffed calm-down room, more staffing for social workers and psychologists, etc., and extra in-class support for those students beginning to mainstream for some subjects. Fighting for that kind of placement that might actually be a substantially different *program* might be worth it.

All of this!

[Anonymous]

I'm a new poster and OP I don't want to hijack your thread. Just looking for some clarification as a new mom on this road...

For those that pulled their kids from public school or would go back in time to decline services... what is the alternative? Do the kids go to special schools?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a new poster and OP I don't want to hijack your thread. Just looking for some clarification as a new mom on this road...

For those that pulled their kids from public school or would go back in time to decline services... what is the alternative? Do the kids go to special schools?

My child has inattentive adhd and orthographic dyslexia. His spelling and writing were absolutely awful in third grade. I bought apples and pears spelling program (it’s British). My son did 100 lessons on on one with me everyday over 4 months. I also had him do Kumon math. I pulled him out of most activities and because I work part time I often picked him up from school early during 3rd grade. I found the cheapest private school that had small class sizes and structure- textbooks, workbooks, every in class assignment and homework assignment was listed by Saturday morning for the following week. We aren’t even that religious but that was the only thing we could afford. They accepted him for fourth grade and even though it was tough for my son to get used to the structure he thrived. He got more help there than the public school. Both his first and third grade teacher told me they couldn’t do anything for him unless we put him on meds. His 504 plan was useless and we refused an offer to assess him for special Ed because the special Ed teacher there was really awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a new poster and OP I don't want to hijack your thread. Just looking for some clarification as a new mom on this road...

For those that pulled their kids from public school or would go back in time to decline services... what is the alternative? Do the kids go to special schools?

For our kid with dyslexia, we hired a tutor five days a week. We ultimately moved to a different part of the country and put him an a SN school for a couple years. He’s back in in a public MS now and only has some accommodations and is doing well.

[Anonymous]

I came to this conclusion years ago. My middle had a severe LD, phonological disorder and a hand weakness. While his IEP was valuable for accommodations, there was never any real intervention. He got group ST which I supplemented with private. He got OT (never the promised hours) which I supplemented with private. He got zero help for the LD beyond a few minutes of pull out a week where the teacher changed his writing for him. I spent thousands on advocates. A complete waste. My youngest has apraxia and is now in HS. He’s always had an IEP but beyond group speech (not appropriate to his diagnosis) in the early years, zero intervention. In MS, the only thing offered was co-taught classes where the other teacher was actually a para who was unhelpful. Now in HS, we have a good case manager and will revisit services at our upcoming meeting. But until now, any money I’ve spent hasn’t been worth it for any of them.