Have you ever been truly ill when you have had kids?

[Anonymous]

Yes. I had an illness that required me to spend two days in the hospital. Husband did everything for the kids during that time including arranging for a friend to watch them for a few hours so he could visit me in the hospital.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been a parent for 8 years and have never been truly ill since I had kids. It is one of my biggest fears is being super sick and stuck in bed and having to take care of young kids. I probably haven't been super sick in over 15 years and that was when I was living abroad.

If you are truly sick what do you do? Does your spouse handle everything? What if they have to work?

Your spouse stays home from work. And yes, they handle everything! How is this even a question?!

We've had a few stomach viruses rip through the house. My 3 year old went down first, I stayed with her for the afternoon, but by evening I was sick too. My DH got the 1 year old in bed and stayed with the 3 year old all night on the couch while she puked and slept. I was upstairs throwing up alone. In the morning, I had stopped throwing up but felt like death. I literally crawled downstairs to lay on the couch next to my 3 year old while my DH got the 1 year old up, breakfast and took him to daycare. Then my DH started throwing up. He spent the day in bed upstairs, I stayed with the 3 year old. My mom picked up my 1 year old and dropped him off. We struggled through the night time routine and the next day we were all much better. 1 year old never got it.

You do what you gotta do and your partner OF COURSE HELPS.

[Anonymous]

Oh geeze, wait till you all have the same stomach virus at the same time. Like the Walking Dead.

[Anonymous]

I was unexpectedly hospitalized when my kids were 2 and 5, I’m a SAHM and my MIL flew in the next morning and stayed for a week. We are very lucky she is retired and we could afford a last minute plane ticket.

I have had other less severe but still awful illnesses and really horrible morning sickness with my third pregnancy. I asked for help from friends and neighbors - they took the kids to school and practices. Lots and lots of screen time and relaxed rules - unlimited snacks on the couch in front of the TV for the toddler while I threw up all day every day for weeks. I used Uber eats for meals and had groceries delivered. Had to call a friend once to come over in the middle of the night when DH was traveling and I had food poisoning and passed out and had to go to the hospital. I’m very thankful for our community and always try to help out with child care and meals whenever I can, because I know some days I am the one who needs help!

[Anonymous]

This was one of my biggest fears early on with Covid
If we all got it and it was severe (like, we couldn't get out of bed, I don't mean hospitalization level even), how would we take care of our young kids?

We have been fortunate with grandparents taking care of kids when the whole family was down for the count. But can't count on it and it brings risk to them as they are older and vulnerable as well.

[Anonymous]

I had two potentially lethal thyroid storms before my thyroid was surgically removed. It was horribly stressful and I was out of commission for weeks. Adjusting to having no thyroid took 2 years.

My husband did his best with the kids and took care of me physically, although there was a moment before the diagnosis when we had a huge fight and I collapsed from being hyperthyroid, and he didn't do a darn thing because he was mad. That was psychologically traumatic, given what could have happened. He did end up calling 911 and I was taken to the ER, where I was diagnosed.

[Anonymous]

I got a stomach virus last year that was very bad and had me out of commission. My husband took care of everything including our 2 year old. He has a very demanding job but when there's a virus going around our house, I don't feel it's fair to hire outside help like a nanny or ask a friend/family for fear they'd get sick too. Being truly sick is one of the occasions where your partner has to take the full 100% load and you shouldn't feel bad about it.

We both got sick with a stomach virus once when our kbaby was only a few months old. It was AWFUL. That said, we took turns. I got it first so I went through the peak earlier and he took care of the baby (in front of a TV) while I was dying on the bathroom floor. By that evening, I was through the worst of it and he was directly in it. We switched.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ha yes.

Three options (or a combo of the three):

1. Just basically don’t take care of them. Screens, cereal, no baths, they miss activities, etc.

2. Get help. Spouse takes time off and coordinates getting help, neighbors take them to school, babysitters, hire someone to clean, etc. the trick here is you have to ask.

3. Ship them off to grandparent’s house.

I am not quite sure why you have this anxiety; it seems like an odd thing for a healthy person to be so concerned about. But take heart: your kids will survive!

NP. That's a really privileged response. You're making assumptions that the average parent has family support and/or financial means to supplement family support. Also, you're only healthy until you're not. OP could get clipped by a Metrobus crossing the street, catch a norovirus, have a burst appendix, or a cancer diagnosis.... it's completely reasonable for this to be a concern of anyone who is a caregiver, especially of young children.

[Anonymous]

I'm a single mom and yes I've been sick. I got violently ill a few times when DD was in elementary school and just pushed through to get her to school and back. A couple times as soon as we saw someone from her school on the train I asked them to take her the rest of the way and got off at the next stop and reversed home. I recall one time telling DD "Stay here" and stepping off the train to puke into a trash bin on the platform and then getting back onto the train before the doors closed. I got really nauseous when I took her to Disneyland and we wound up having to go to Disney Hospital for a few hours. I puked into a bag a random man working in a store rushed over to hand me just in time. I handed DD my entire wallet and hoped for the best when she burst into tears on our way out because she hadn't had time to buy ears. When I got Covid she was a teen and handled everything herself, and just yelled to me when she was leaving and had gotten home, and reminded me to stay hydrated.

[Anonymous]

OP, just adding -- probably every mom with multiple kids has experienced this at least once during pregnancy. There are very few unicorn perfect pregnancies with zero sickness. I almost had one but it ended in bed rest.

One thing you can do now to feel more in-control is to make friends with other local moms (at your daycare, in your neighborhood, etc.) so you have people to lean on if you ever need something. And have a roster of a couple good babysitters too. I would be happy to help a friend if she was ill and needed extra hands.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Luckily it’s quite rare - with the exception of covid, I think it’s only been 1-2 times during the 15 years I’ve been raising kids that I’ve been really bedridden from illness. And once I had to have a minor surgery. My husband travels and works long hours, but in those times he has had to step up. There’s no way around it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve currently thrown out my back. I’m nearly completely bedridden and have been for about 2.5 weeks. For the first two weeks, I could only sit or stand for about 10 mins at a time and that was very painful. Now I can stand and walk around with minimal pain for about 45 mins (sitting is still painful).bI can’t lift anything. It’s getting better with intensive physical therapy, but I’ve got probably 1 more week until I’m at my usual mobility, and I won’t be able to lift heavy things for probably another 2-4 weeks after that.

It’s terrible.

My kids are 1 and 2.5. I cannot hold them, get them in or out of their cribs or high chair/boosters, change them, give the baby a bottle, even really watch them (they move too fast and I can’t turn my neck quickly). My husband is doing EVERYTHING. All childcare, laundry, cooking, pet care, cleaning, etc, etc. plus some caretaking of me (though I can mostly take care of myself, at least). We have asked the nanny to come early/stay late once or twice, but we don’t have the money to pay for any significant overtime.

I can at least snuggle with my older kid, and read to him, because he understands he needs to be careful with me, and I can of course talk to him, but can’t even do that with the baby, so we’re completely disconnected.

Honestly, it’s nearly breaking us. My husband is so burned out, and my mental health is plummeting.

Ugh, I am so sorry PP. I threw out my back when my kid was four and it was an incredibly difficult several months. A little easier for me than for you because she was old enough to walk and was in school, but I remember feeling so helpless and limited and struggling just to get through the day.

Have you been to an ortho or started PT? I would really, really encourage you to make appointments today if you haven't. I put it off for a bit because (1) I'd thrown out my back before and it recovered eventually so I figured this would be the same, and (2) I was scared that they'd scan my back and tell me I needed surgery.

But I was wrong. When my back was still painful a full 6 weeks later, I went to the ortho and they gave me steroids that started relieving the pain immediately. I then moved to an anti-inflammatory that kept me more mobile. I went to PT daily for two weeks and then twice a week for the next four weeks. I did strengthening exercises, they walked me through alignment issues, and they gave me a set of exercises I could do at home. They also did several chiropractic adjustments which helped tremendously - I think the combination of the medication and the adjustments have had the longest impact on making me feel better.

It's been almost a year and I'm feeling so good. If this happens again, I'll be at the doctor at the first available appointment. But I actually think it's much less likely to happen anytime soon because I've kept up with my PT (which is essentially yoga/barre and actually my PT told me that a regular barre class will address most of PT issues) and I take the anti-inflammatory anytime I get pain that makes me feel like I can't exercise. One of the biggest things I learned is that movement is the BEST thing for most back injuries, so the goal should pretty much always be to get yourself comfortable to move (safely, without overdoing it -- I still don't run like I used to and probably need additional PT to get myself to that point).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been a parent for 8 years and have never been truly ill since I had kids. It is one of my biggest fears is being super sick and stuck in bed and having to take care of young kids. I probably haven't been super sick in over 15 years and that was when I was living abroad.

If you are truly sick what do you do? Does your spouse handle everything? What if they have to work?

I had my knee replaced and could literally do nothing for several weeks. My husband handled everything at the house and took care of me — I was very very sick for the first 10 days post surgery. It was all fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha yes.

Three options (or a combo of the three):

1. Just basically don’t take care of them. Screens, cereal, no baths, they miss activities, etc.

2. Get help. Spouse takes time off and coordinates getting help, neighbors take them to school, babysitters, hire someone to clean, etc. the trick here is you have to ask.

3. Ship them off to grandparent’s house.

I am not quite sure why you have this anxiety; it seems like an odd thing for a healthy person to be so concerned about. But take heart: your kids will survive!

NP. That's a really privileged response. You're making assumptions that the average parent has family support and/or financial means to supplement family support. Also, you're only healthy until you're not. OP could get clipped by a Metrobus crossing the street, catch a norovirus, have a burst appendix, or a cancer diagnosis.... it's completely reasonable for this to be a concern of anyone who is a caregiver, especially of young children.

It's not a privileged response, it's a response coming from somebody who has an anxiety disorder and knows that when a problem that is unlikely to happen is one of your *biggest* fears, that might be coming from a place of above-normal anxiety. "Normal" fears are ones that have a relationship to a problem that is presently in your life, like if your parents getting are getting closer to aging and there is no plan for elder care, your child is demonstrating symptoms of a special need, you're seeing rising food costs, etc. I think it's reasonable to be a little concerned about childcare issues, but the level of OP's fear does sound unusual to me.

[Anonymous]

Probably the closest was when I had a stomach virus when DS was about 1, called DH to come home in the morning after it hit me hard and fast, then 10 hours later DH got sick violently and without warning. I was not actively throwing up every 10 minutes at that point so I could at least get the kid to bed. Then the next morning we could both manage to walk and get the kid up and fed. Rough day or two.

Realized DS had mild illness a day before, so his bout was a non event. Ours...different story.