Child academically on par but socially immature for year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A public school teacher will rarely tell you to hold back, but many private school teachers will. Talk to a developmental pediatrician or a professional who has seen it all. Our developmental pediatrician was all for it. Social and emotional maturity matter and the gaps get bigger by highschool. Every boost helps.

Op - dc is in private. However if we moved him it would be likely to public. At which point I could advocate for him to be in heat below I am hoping (but Magen not)

*year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A public school teacher will rarely tell you to hold back, but many private school teachers will. Talk to a developmental pediatrician or a professional who has seen it all. Our developmental pediatrician was all for it. Social and emotional maturity matter and the gaps get bigger by highschool. Every boost helps.

Op - dc is in private. However if we moved him it would be likely to public. At which point I could advocate for him to be in heat below I am hoping (but Magen not)

When is his birthday? Also, what are some specific examples of him being immature and how it impacts his access to learning and friendships?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A public school teacher will rarely tell you to hold back, but many private school teachers will. Talk to a developmental pediatrician or a professional who has seen it all. Our developmental pediatrician was all for it. Social and emotional maturity matter and the gaps get bigger by highschool. Every boost helps.

Op - dc is in private. However if we moved him it would be likely to public. At which point I could advocate for him to be in heat below I am hoping (but Magen not)

When is his birthday? Also, what are some specific examples of him being immature and how it impacts his access to learning and friendships?

Op - birthday is June.
Learning is fine. Immature examples (I must stress some of these are not ‘problems’ they are just pacing differently from peer group)
- trouble sharing and collaborating aged 9. Gets stressed/ bossy
- still enjoys wrestling/ bouncy castle/ stuffy play/ rolling down hill vs verbal sparring and nuanced humor
- trouble putting self to sleep if I’m not there (Eg sleepover)
- v poor emotional regulation (Eg will cry or yell about stuff when 10 yo 4th grade peers have long mastered this)

[Anonymous]

Is he taking adhd medication?

I ask bc I have a daughter born in July who is also adhd. She had a lot of those immaturity gaps. We started medicating her with a low dose in 5th grade and the maturity growth was stunning. The emotional regulation growth was quick, and obvious. She’s now in 7th grade and is socially well adjusted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A public school teacher will rarely tell you to hold back, but many private school teachers will. Talk to a developmental pediatrician or a professional who has seen it all. Our developmental pediatrician was all for it. Social and emotional maturity matter and the gaps get bigger by highschool. Every boost helps.

Op - dc is in private. However if we moved him it would be likely to public. At which point I could advocate for him to be in heat below I am hoping (but Magen not)

When is his birthday? Also, what are some specific examples of him being immature and how it impacts his access to learning and friendships?

Op - birthday is June.
Learning is fine. Immature examples (I must stress some of these are not ‘problems’ they are just pacing differently from peer group)
- trouble sharing and collaborating aged 9. Gets stressed/ bossy
- still enjoys wrestling/ bouncy castle/ stuffy play/ rolling down hill vs verbal sparring and nuanced humor
- trouble putting self to sleep if I’m not there (Eg sleepover)
- v poor emotional regulation (Eg will cry or yell about stuff when 10 yo 4th grade peers have long mastered this)

Those aren't reasons to hold back and not to worry, those other kids will catch up and come preteen/teen will start with the yelling and drama.

He's 9. That kind of play is ok. Let him be a kid.

Holding back isn't going to fix things like sharing and collaborating either.

[Anonymous]

I think the play you describe is fine for 9. He's barely even 9.5. My nephews are that age and all they do is wrestle and run about.

Remember, you're seeing the public behavior of other kids and comparing them to your kid's private behavior at home. My DD10 plays stuffies and Barbies but she'd never admit it to her peers. She'll cry and yell when she gets in a fight with her sister. You're not seeing the whole spectrum of his peers' behavior. If he isn't able to hold it together during the school day, that's concerning, but I don't think it's really unusual for a boy that age.

I wouldn't hold back-- it will be damaging to his self-esteem and academically boring. Focus on the deficiencies you see, and try not to stress so much. Children mature at different rates.