Child academically on par but socially immature for year

[Anonymous]

Ds (9) has adhd and difficult temperament. He is young for year and academically on par or maybe even ahead - but socially immature and I’m concerned it’s going to lead to difficulties. He has some friends now but you can see the delta (and I think his friends can see it too). We may be moving and changing schools anyway - should I hold him back a year if we do?

[Anonymous]

I would not. Having to sit through material he already knows AND being immature is not a good mix.

Also, be wary that you are projecting your own anxieties onto this situation. You’ve stated nothing specific that would lead anyone to think he is struggling. No reports from teachers or coaches or therapists. You “think” his 9 year old friends can “see it.” Who are these socially advanced kids because I’d love to meet them.

[Anonymous]

No. We prioritized academic fit. DS is now a senior and applying to selective colleges. He has severe ADHD and his brain doesn't work the same way as his peers'... and that's something we've all had to accept. No amount of holding back would have changed it.

[Anonymous]

Another perspective-in highschool being socially immature and behind becomes a bigger problem. In middle and highschool you can take honors and high school even AP to advance so he will be plenty challenged. Also, the more emotional maturity you have the better as you deal with peer issues. I would repeat the year.

[Anonymous]

Don't hold them back. Academic fit is important and holding back isn't a guarantee to increase maturity. Kids grow and develop at their own rate so instead of holding back worth with them on the things you are concerned with.

[Anonymous]

Depends, does he do sports and could holding him a year back help with confidence? Is he young or old for his grade?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ds (9) has adhd and difficult temperament. He is young for year and academically on par or maybe even ahead - but socially immature and I’m concerned it’s going to lead to difficulties. He has some friends now but you can see the delta (and I think his friends can see it too). We may be moving and changing schools anyway - should I hold him back a year if we do?

What does this mean

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ds (9) has adhd and difficult temperament. He is young for year and academically on par or maybe even ahead - but socially immature and I’m concerned it’s going to lead to difficulties. He has some friends now but you can see the delta (and I think his friends can see it too). We may be moving and changing schools anyway - should I hold him back a year if we do?

What does this mean

Delta means difference/gap.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you could ask his teacher what they would recommend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another perspective-in highschool being socially immature and behind becomes a bigger problem. In middle and highschool you can take honors and high school even AP to advance so he will be plenty challenged. Also, the more emotional maturity you have the better as you deal with peer issues. I would repeat the year.

Kids who are doing AP and honors classes are generally mixed grades so either way they will be in mixed grades so holding back doesn't make sense. Kids take algebra generally between 7-10th grade so all the classes are mixed age now. You could also cause more issues by holding back wifi the child is against it.

[Anonymous]

Can you give us examples of his immature behavior? From your description -- he has friends and is doing well academically, I don't see any reason to hold him back.

[Anonymous]

Agree with asking the teacher, if you trust her opinion. I was considering holding my DD back for the same reasons, but her teacher said her peers who are a year younger wouldn’t be LESS challenging for her (socially), they would just be challenging in different ways from her same age peers. She strongly suggested going ahead and advancing her a grade and giving her supports.

[Anonymous]

A public school teacher will rarely tell you to hold back, but many private school teachers will. Talk to a developmental pediatrician or a professional who has seen it all. Our developmental pediatrician was all for it. Social and emotional maturity matter and the gaps get bigger by highschool. Every boost helps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A public school teacher will rarely tell you to hold back, but many private school teachers will. Talk to a developmental pediatrician or a professional who has seen it all. Our developmental pediatrician was all for it. Social and emotional maturity matter and the gaps get bigger by highschool. Every boost helps.

Most public schools do not hold back, so why would a teacher recommend you do something that is not an option?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A public school teacher will rarely tell you to hold back, but many private school teachers will. Talk to a developmental pediatrician or a professional who has seen it all. Our developmental pediatrician was all for it. Social and emotional maturity matter and the gaps get bigger by highschool. Every boost helps.

Op - dc is in private. However if we moved him it would be likely to public. At which point I could advocate for him to be in heat below I am hoping (but Magen not)