If you waited to TTC, do you regret it?

[Anonymous]

That's a normal age for this area. When I had a kid at 27 I was the first in my social circle to have one and I was always the youngest parent at every event for families... which is weird because 27 is really not some crazy young age to have kid in most parts of the country, but here people acted like I was basically a teen mom. Someone even once told me that I'd had a kid "so young!" and "Good for you not letting social norms dictate your decisions!" And I was thinking... is it really that abnormal? The person telling me this had her first kid at 36, I believe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are definitely not late for having kids in this area. I had my first at 33, second I’ll be 35 (almost 36). May try to have a third. Doctors like to throw around 35 as a scary number (when you become geriatric…eye roll) but your body doesn’t fall off a cliff at 35. If anything, you’ll have access to more specialists, testing and a closer eye on all the things you may be worried about.

Good luck!

+1 to the positives of having a child over 35. I will also that in addition to financial stabilityz the best thing about having a child at this stage (rather than age) of life is that my marriage is secure and I have found an amazing and supportive spouse. The question of happiness and fulfillment with a partner is separate from that of childbearing but raising a kid together really teaches me that I married way way up. My spouse is more hands on and dedicated than I could ever hae guessed when we got married, and I already knew then that he was a way better choice than anyone I had met earlier in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's a normal age for this area. When I had a kid at 27 I was the first in my social circle to have one and I was always the youngest parent at every event for families... which is weird because 27 is really not some crazy young age to have kid in most parts of the country, but here people acted like I was basically a teen mom. Someone even once told me that I'd had a kid "so young!" and "Good for you not letting social norms dictate your decisions!" And I was thinking... is it really that abnormal? The person telling me this had her first kid at 36, I believe.

+1 A friend of mine had kids at this age and people in her neighborhood thought she was a babysitter. it's ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

I got pregnant (my one and only) just before I turned 25. I don't really wish I had my DD earlier. It was good to have some time to enjoy travelling with my DH because it is so much harder now with a young child.

But we did have trouble conceiving, though got pregnant pretty fast after starting fertility treatments. I felt so awful and alone when I thought I would not be able to conceive. Then it turned out literally every couple in our friend group needed fertility treatment too (for different issues). Everyone was able to get pregnant. But yeah, people have children later here so these issues come up a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got pregnant (my one and only) just before I turned 25. I don't really wish I had my DD earlier. It was good to have some time to enjoy travelling with my DH because it is so much harder now with a young child.

But we did have trouble conceiving, though got pregnant pretty fast after starting fertility treatments. I felt so awful and alone when I thought I would not be able to conceive. Then it turned out literally every couple in our friend group needed fertility treatment too (for different issues). Everyone was able to get pregnant. But yeah, people have children later here so these issues come up a lot.

LOL I meant just before I turned 35, not 25

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's a normal age for this area. When I had a kid at 27 I was the first in my social circle to have one and I was always the youngest parent at every event for families... which is weird because 27 is really not some crazy young age to have kid in most parts of the country, but here people acted like I was basically a teen mom. Someone even once told me that I'd had a kid "so young!" and "Good for you not letting social norms dictate your decisions!" And I was thinking... is it really that abnormal? The person telling me this had her first kid at 36, I believe.

I had my two at 26 and 29 and I would get scoffed at like a teen mom (not that scoffing at any parent is ok!) even though I had been with DH for 10 years and married for 2.5 years when we had our first. Plus we already owned a SFH and had very much planned for our kids. It was a hilarious dynamic when I joined a new moms group and they all thought I was this young inexperienced heathen, but I'm actually a career doula so it quickly flipped to them asking for my phone number and me getting slammed 24/7 with questions about bathing, swaddling, sleep schedules, latching issues, pumping issues, childcare, transitioning to solids, etc.

[Anonymous]

Just for another perspective, OP -- my DH and I have an age difference of 10+ years so he's an "old parent" and I was a young parent (20s). I have more negative feelings about the timing than he does/did. So you will probably be fine.

[Anonymous]

I had my first at 31 and was considered young by my group of friends/colleagues. Heck, I was even one of the younger moms at my OB practice and at my moms group. Even now, at 35, half of my friends are still unmarried/not likely to have kids anytime soon.

[Anonymous]

We didn’t start trying for our first until I was 30 and DH was 32. No regrets. We were more financially stable and had our house. We had two before I was 35. They are in middle and high school now and most of their friends parents are our age or even significantly older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had my first at 31 and was considered young by my group of friends/colleagues. Heck, I was even one of the younger moms at my OB practice and at my moms group. Even now, at 35, half of my friends are still unmarried/not likely to have kids anytime soon.

This, although it depends a little on where in the DMV you live. I live in the city and had my first at 28 and people looked at me at the OB's office like I was a teenage mom. My OB said she had more patients in their 40s than in their 20s. It's totally normal in the city and close-in burbs to have kids between 35 and 40.

That said, we have some friends that live in further-flung parts of VA where having kids a bit younger is more the norm. Particularly if your community skews religious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not old for this area at all. I had my only child at 34 and there were plenty of moms older than me in the first-time mom group I joined. Most of them went on to have a second child as well.

I do think I'd have more kids if I'd started younger. The first one was a tough adjustment and I wasn't interested in a second until 39, which turned out to be too late for me. If you want more than one, don't delay. That said, my reasons for waiting were solid and more kids before then would not have been good, so it worked out.

I second this. We waited until 38 for our first and now that he’s rounding the corner on two, I’d love a second but I’m not sure it will be in the cards. It does make me sad that we didn’t start earlier — it may still work out for us, but I have some regret about not getting started as soon as we knew we would want kids. Like OP, it took us a while to feel settled enough for that.

[Anonymous]

The only regret I have is that I didn't try to figure out why I was having issues earlier (turned out it was super bad endometriosis and I had a major polyp in my uterus that I had to get surgery to take out). I was so worried something was "wrong" with me that I didn't want to go through the process earlier. I had my first at 37 and my second at 40. I'm now pregnant with #3 and praying all goes well and will be 42 when #3 is born. For the first two we went the IUI route and the third was a 'surprise'. lol. I guess I wish we had done things sooner mainly from an energy perspective. I think I'm in pretty decent shape but these kids will get you going ( who are now almost 1 and 4).
If you know you want kids, do not delay. Do not worry about money--- you will figure it out, I promise.