If you waited to TTC, do you regret it?

[Anonymous]

If for whatever reason you waited to have babies post 30, do you regret it? why or why not?

We were not ready to TTC until now, at 35, due to career and financial instability. I am very nervous and scared of a. being an older mother and b. potentially having fertility issues. But unfortunately we made 70k total when we married at 29, and now at a HHI of 300K finally feel stable and mature. The income only increased last year.

Advice or stories would be helpful.

[Anonymous]

I had my only child at 45. It’s not what I had envisioned but I’m very thankful to have my child. If you really want to have a baby then start trying.

[Anonymous]

At 35 you’re not at all young to become a mother around here.

[Anonymous]

I feel like this is a question that comes up frequently on these forums. Almost everyone is going to tell you the same thing: That it is totally normal to have kids after 35, that their kids turned out fine, and that they have no regrets.

My child has a genetic condition associated with older mothers. Even though I know it's not my fault, I still carry that guilt. If I could have had my child earlier, I would have, but I was not in a position to.

If you were younger and wondering whether to have kids now or wait, I would say do not wait. But you are where you are, so your question is should you have kids or not. If you think you want kids, go for it. Even with all my child's problems, I have no regrets. And odds are, your child will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Most of my friends were 33-35 when they had their first in this area. Maybe skews a little closer to 35 but personally I would not worry. The pps experience above sounds very difficult (I’m so sorry op that you hold that guilt, I know I would too but it’s not your fault) but it is absolutely not typical. The most likely scenario is things will go well (or if you experience a hiccup it it won’t necessarily be because of age) and you definitely will not feel old around other mothers here. I had my first at 30 and all my friends kids are younger than him which is a bummer but fine - I was the early one for sure by a few years.

[Anonymous]

Sorry I meant for my group maybe skews a little closer to 33 for first, 35 for second

[Anonymous]

Didn’t we all wait, one way or another? Anyway. I had kids both before and after 35. My advice is to assume you’re going to have early losses and get to carefully tracking ovulation immediately.

[Anonymous]

I had mine at 31 and 33 — I vaguely wanted kids at 26, starting seriously planning and saving at 28, and started trying at 30. Unfortunately there’s work that needs to happen between the desire and the reality from a practical and financial standpoint most of us; it is what it is. I luckily didn’t have an significant challenges conceiving but honestly you never know. Good luck, OP! I hope things work smoothly for you.

[Anonymous]

I met my husband at 25, married at 30, first kid at 34 and second kid on the way and will be 35 when they arrive. Covid prevented us from starting a year earlier, but I’m thrilled with where we are now. Both our careers really took off between 30-35. We’re able to pay for childcare, socking away plenty of money into the 529s, fully funded 401(k)s, own a primary home in a fantastic school district, and a rental property in a hot market, with a little left for additional saving. There’s no way we would be there if we started earlier. Sure, I’m tired now and 2 under 2 will be hairy, but I’m thrilled with how all of it played out.

[Anonymous]

You are not old for this area at all. I had my only child at 34 and there were plenty of moms older than me in the first-time mom group I joined. Most of them went on to have a second child as well.

I do think I'd have more kids if I'd started younger. The first one was a tough adjustment and I wasn't interested in a second until 39, which turned out to be too late for me. If you want more than one, don't delay. That said, my reasons for waiting were solid and more kids before then would not have been good, so it worked out.

[Anonymous]

You are definitely not late for having kids in this area. I had my first at 33, second I’ll be 35 (almost 36). May try to have a third. Doctors like to throw around 35 as a scary number (when you become geriatric…eye roll) but your body doesn’t fall off a cliff at 35. If anything, you’ll have access to more specialists, testing and a closer eye on all the things you may be worried about.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Had my first at 35 and second at 36. Zero regrets. I definitely wanted them earlier, but I met my husband at 33 and we married at 34. One benefit is we were definitely 100% over going out. We’re now total homebodies - this is obviously not a prerequisite to becoming a mother, and I completely respect women who keep up a vibrant social life after they have kids. But both my husband and I (he’s 5 years older than me) just love our family unit and are happy doing boring house/kid/family stuff. That wouldn’t have been the case if we’d had kids earlier.

Also as others said at 35 in the DC area you won’t be considered old at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are definitely not late for having kids in this area. I had my first at 33, second I’ll be 35 (almost 36). May try to have a third. Doctors like to throw around 35 as a scary number (when you become geriatric…eye roll) but your body doesn’t fall off a cliff at 35. If anything, you’ll have access to more specialists, testing and a closer eye on all the things you may be worried about.

Good luck!

+1. Had my first kid at 34 and I was one of the younger parents in my kid's daycare class.

We had been married since 27 and waited for several reasons to have kids. No regrets.

[Anonymous]

I do regret waiting until later to start trying to have kids (married in mid-20s, started trying in mid-30s, did IVF and had DS at 37). However, I can't turn back time, and I am glad that we had so much flexibility (to work, travel, socialize and SLEEP) in our late 20s/early 30s. As others have said, mid-30s is certainly not old for a first time parent in the DC area. My only advice would be to start trying soon, and seek RE help if you don't get pregnant w/in 6 months or so (fertility treatments can take time, like, years). Good luck!

[Anonymous]

There are so many what ifs in life and you are essentially worrying about a non-issue at this point. Understandable fears, just don't let them grip you and live your life - it all works out in so many different ways for everyone. As people have said, many in this area don't have kids until after 35. I was 34 with my first and the youngest in my mom group. Had another at 36. I plan to have another around 39 if all works out. If it doesn't, oh well I have been fortunate.

If you're thinking on it, start trying now and enjoy the journey to parenthood.