Potty training - stuck

[Anonymous]

Try tracking his bowel movements on a data sheet for 1-3 weeks. Look for specific times and environments he is more likely to go. Sit him down every 15 minutes for 5-10 minutes starting 1-2hours before the average time he goes. He needs time to let his bowels relax. If that doesn’t work you might have to sit with him in the bathroom and keep him entertained and relaxed until he goes. Try things like reading books, singing songs, etc all on the toilet. The first BM is the hardest to catch. Throw a party when he actually goes the first time. Dance, be silly, tons of praise, tickles, or whatever he likes, special treats, maybe a fun trip out immediately after- reminding him on the way why he gets to go to that special place.

You might also need to find something more motivating than candy or switch up the type of candy. Maybe go to the store and get a new toy (can be cheap but let him pick it out, or pick out several and have a basket) and put it on top of the bathroom shelf where he can see it but not have it until he goes BM. Your first issue is going to be “catching” him going, but you likely need something more than M&Ms that he already gets when he actually goes.

These are general suggestions, not specific to your child. You just have to play around and find what works but it sounds like you need a better motivator. Right now he has nothing to “work for” if he also gets candy for urinating, which at this point sounds easy for him. You might need to move to a sticker chart but that holds it’s own set of issues as you need to pair stickers with preferred items for that to work effectively. You could also try ditching the candy for urine and only use it for BMs.

I’d also teach him clean up routines for when he has BM accidents. This usually acts as a natural consequence to decrease accidents since it decreases opportunities for other fun things like playing. You need to utilize that with a reinforcement strategy though and ensure you are very calm and collected and systematic about steps to cleaning up accidents. Use no verbal prompts other than a simple “you had an accident, time to clean up” or whatever Language sounds natural to you. During clean up say nothing, never get angry about accidents- just hand over hand prompts, gestures, etc done the same way each time.

These are some general things, you know your child best. Oh and be sure to eliminate any medical concerns/reasons with the pediatrician. Pediatrician can also give other ideas if these don’t work. Maybe read some toileting books as well for other ideas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not convinced he is ready.

OP here.

If that's the case, what would you recommend?

I'm not a physician or psychologist. I'm a mom and my youngest is in college. But you asked.... so here goes!

You said you don't want to go back to diapers, but that's where I think the DC should go.

Looking back on the mistakes I made with my kids, forcing things before they were ready is at the top of the list.

[Anonymous]

We had similar struggles with our second son, OP, and it was a long, long road. I would recommend dropping the issue entirely for a couple of months and letting him poop in a pull-up or diaper somewhere that he is comfortable for him. He gets to pick. In our case it was all about control and the only thing that really helped was time and the right motivation. After a year and half of him withholding and refusing to go even when it was obvious that he needed to, we offered the tablet while he sat on the toilet and that fixed everything. He's been a daily pooper for the first time since we started potty training (he's 5 BTW). Soon, we will move to getting tablet time on weekends after a successful week of pooping rather than getting it while doing his business every time.

Trust me, we tried everything and even worked with poop consultants (!!). Sometimes you get one who doesn't fit within the rules and for whom the standard advice doesn't work. You know your child best, forget what all the books say: what does your gut tell you on this one?

[Anonymous]

I read that toddlers don't like to poop on the potty because they feel part of their body is falling out or something. Once I learned that i talked through it with DC and eventually they were comfortable enough to sit on the potty for long amounts of times. in the meantime we switched back to pull-ups. There was some regression but ultimately they got over the fear and now exclusively poop on the potty without any prompting but just need reminders to pee on the potty.