Potty training - stuck

[Anonymous]

My 2.5 year old (33 months) still will not poop in the potty.

It's been a long road. I'm not going to get into the whole journey.

He is fully pee trained - no accidents in weeks. But he poops in his underwear 100% of the time. This has been the status quo for weeks. He gets a M&M each times he pees in the potty (which has been VERY motivating, it’s how we got him pee trained). He knows he’ll get two M&Ms if he poops in the potty, but never has (since a bout of constipation months ago). He knows when he is pooping and announces it. If we try and rush him to the potty, he screams and cries and stops going (which is bad for him) so we stopped doing that a long time back (weeks), and just have taken all pressure off. We even tried offering an M&M for pooping on the bathroom (in his underwear) with no luck (he’s done that twice in probably 4 weeks, but he knows the offer still stands).

He’s very verbal, but cannot tell us why he doesn’t want to poop in the bathroom or on the potty.

I’m so tired of cleaning out poopy underwear 2x a day. Where on earth do we go from here? If we put him in pull-ups or diapers, he’ll regress on pee (btdt) and I hate to lose that progress.

What would you do at this point? Not interested in “you should have” type advice, only where to go from here.

[Anonymous]

Let him put on a diaper to poop. If he knows it is coming and announces it, let him put on a diaper to do it.

BUT

Keep the diapers in the bathroom and he must put it on in the bathroom (while standing, you can help and you will get used to doing it this way). He must finish his business while in the bathroom, then you remove the diaper and drop the poop from the diaper into the potty. You help him wipe in the bathroom with toilet paper and put the paper in the potty. You let him flush the potty. He washes his hands afterwards with you as he would if he pooped in the potty.

Use diapers, not pull ups. Make it kind of annoying to have to go put on the diaper and take it off (diapers are also easier to shake the poop off into the toilet, fyi).

My kid did this for about three weeks and then pooped in the potty. We thought the issue was fear of the big potty but in the end she skipped right over the training potty to use the big one. I think partly it was just a fear of releasing into a toilet (kids get used to going in their diaper, it feels secure) and partly it was learning what position to sit in on the big potty. For the latter, we had to use one of those more elaborate potty inserts with the step stool and the handles on the side (not just a little simple potty insert) before she got comfortable with pooping. But the main thing was moving all pooping activity to the bathroom while still allowing her to poop in a diaper for a little while. We didn't let her wear it around the house or out of the house, just in the bathroom while pooping. I would even bring a diaper with us to restaurants and things and we'd go in a stall, put on the diaper, she'd go, and then we'd clean up as usual. Again, this was a short-lived phase that was intended to just normalize the idea of pooping and potties as things that wen together. Eventually she got tired of the diaper ritual and just used the potty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let him put on a diaper to poop. If he knows it is coming and announces it, let him put on a diaper to do it.

BUT

Keep the diapers in the bathroom and he must put it on in the bathroom (while standing, you can help and you will get used to doing it this way). He must finish his business while in the bathroom, then you remove the diaper and drop the poop from the diaper into the potty. You help him wipe in the bathroom with toilet paper and put the paper in the potty. You let him flush the potty. He washes his hands afterwards with you as he would if he pooped in the potty.

Use diapers, not pull ups. Make it kind of annoying to have to go put on the diaper and take it off (diapers are also easier to shake the poop off into the toilet, fyi).

My kid did this for about three weeks and then pooped in the potty. We thought the issue was fear of the big potty but in the end she skipped right over the training potty to use the big one. I think partly it was just a fear of releasing into a toilet (kids get used to going in their diaper, it feels secure) and partly it was learning what position to sit in on the big potty. For the latter, we had to use one of those more elaborate potty inserts with the step stool and the handles on the side (not just a little simple potty insert) before she got comfortable with pooping. But the main thing was moving all pooping activity to the bathroom while still allowing her to poop in a diaper for a little while. We didn't let her wear it around the house or out of the house, just in the bathroom while pooping. I would even bring a diaper with us to restaurants and things and we'd go in a stall, put on the diaper, she'd go, and then we'd clean up as usual. Again, this was a short-lived phase that was intended to just normalize the idea of pooping and potties as things that wen together. Eventually she got tired of the diaper ritual and just used the potty.

OP here. Thank you. I would be totally fine with this and feel it would be a huge step in the right direction. I’m not sure if we’ll be able to implement though. I think if he says “I’m pooping” and we try to move him to the bathroom, he scream and cry and withhold. I might be able to get him into a diaper if (at least at first) I put it on him in the living room. That might be a place to start.

[Anonymous]

Don't go back to the diaper and have him go to the bathroom every hour and sit on the toilet with a book, tablet or what ever for 5-10 minutes at a time. We did it so you only get the tablet on the toilet.

[Anonymous]

I’d do this: no more diapers (nighttime is ok). If he poops in his underpants then he helps clean it and himself up. As frustrating and difficult as it is it’s showing him the cause and effect of not defecating where he is supposed to. I’d combine this with taking him to sit every hour; again, time consuming for you, but it’s showing him that if he can’t tell you when he needs to poop you need to have him sit and try, I even if it interrupts whatever he had been doing. This combo mag help him see how disrupting it is to his play, meals, outings, etc to have to be so involved with helping cleaning his poop in his clothing and

[Anonymous]

^ submitted before done. The combo of the above may help him see how it is no fun to have to stop everything to clean up or go sit. I would implement the above strategy along with really upping your rewards. Two M&Ms? Make it a matchbox car or a tub of slime or a miniature doughnut. Really make it worth his time to make a change.

[Anonymous]

Can you make cleanup really inconvenient for him?? Slightly different but my daughter at that same age kept going in her overnight pullup- the last time she did it in January, I woke her up at 10 pm for a full bath with all the lights on and everything and I really think she was so inconvenienced, she never did it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let him put on a diaper to poop. If he knows it is coming and announces it, let him put on a diaper to do it.

BUT

Keep the diapers in the bathroom and he must put it on in the bathroom (while standing, you can help and you will get used to doing it this way). He must finish his business while in the bathroom, then you remove the diaper and drop the poop from the diaper into the potty. You help him wipe in the bathroom with toilet paper and put the paper in the potty. You let him flush the potty. He washes his hands afterwards with you as he would if he pooped in the potty.

Use diapers, not pull ups. Make it kind of annoying to have to go put on the diaper and take it off (diapers are also easier to shake the poop off into the toilet, fyi).

My kid did this for about three weeks and then pooped in the potty. We thought the issue was fear of the big potty but in the end she skipped right over the training potty to use the big one. I think partly it was just a fear of releasing into a toilet (kids get used to going in their diaper, it feels secure) and partly it was learning what position to sit in on the big potty. For the latter, we had to use one of those more elaborate potty inserts with the step stool and the handles on the side (not just a little simple potty insert) before she got comfortable with pooping. But the main thing was moving all pooping activity to the bathroom while still allowing her to poop in a diaper for a little while. We didn't let her wear it around the house or out of the house, just in the bathroom while pooping. I would even bring a diaper with us to restaurants and things and we'd go in a stall, put on the diaper, she'd go, and then we'd clean up as usual. Again, this was a short-lived phase that was intended to just normalize the idea of pooping and potties as things that wen together. Eventually she got tired of the diaper ritual and just used the potty.

OP here. Thank you. I would be totally fine with this and feel it would be a huge step in the right direction. I’m not sure if we’ll be able to implement though. I think if he says “I’m pooping” and we try to move him to the bathroom, he scream and cry and withhold. I might be able to get him into a diaper if (at least at first) I put it on him in the living room. That might be a place to start.

I let my toddler poop in a diaper for several months (I messed up with potty training timing — too soon after she got a sibling and went through some other big changes). What I did was put her in diapers for naps and about an hour before bed, letting her poop where ever for a while (this wasn’t actually intentional, she just snuck the poop in whenever I was dealing with the baby lol). This let us both regain some equilibrium and after a while I started asking if she needed to poop when I thought she did and verbalizing “seems like you’re pooping now” type things when she was and talking about how poop was supposed to go in the potty. Then one week I read a post on DCUM about doing all the pooping/diaper change/etc in the bathroom and thought what the heck let’s try that. I had to bribe her to poop in the bathroom the first day (a raisin seemed a small tax to pay) but after that she took herself to the bathroom to do her pooping (in diaper) without fuss for the rest of the week. So I decided to up the stakes and offered her a marshmallow for pooping on the potty. It only took two nights of that before she tried to withhold a little bit so she could poop on the potty multiple times a night (and get multiple marshmallows surely!) so she got switched to one marshmallow per night for any successful number of poops. The we ran out of marshmallows (intentionally) over the weekend and my child was fully potty trained. Anyway, this is just to let you know that the process can be somewhat involved and still successful, OP. I hate cleaning up poop and I hope you move past this stage soon!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let him put on a diaper to poop. If he knows it is coming and announces it, let him put on a diaper to do it.

BUT

Keep the diapers in the bathroom and he must put it on in the bathroom (while standing, you can help and you will get used to doing it this way). He must finish his business while in the bathroom, then you remove the diaper and drop the poop from the diaper into the potty. You help him wipe in the bathroom with toilet paper and put the paper in the potty. You let him flush the potty. He washes his hands afterwards with you as he would if he pooped in the potty.

Use diapers, not pull ups. Make it kind of annoying to have to go put on the diaper and take it off (diapers are also easier to shake the poop off into the toilet, fyi).

My kid did this for about three weeks and then pooped in the potty. We thought the issue was fear of the big potty but in the end she skipped right over the training potty to use the big one. I think partly it was just a fear of releasing into a toilet (kids get used to going in their diaper, it feels secure) and partly it was learning what position to sit in on the big potty. For the latter, we had to use one of those more elaborate potty inserts with the step stool and the handles on the side (not just a little simple potty insert) before she got comfortable with pooping. But the main thing was moving all pooping activity to the bathroom while still allowing her to poop in a diaper for a little while. We didn't let her wear it around the house or out of the house, just in the bathroom while pooping. I would even bring a diaper with us to restaurants and things and we'd go in a stall, put on the diaper, she'd go, and then we'd clean up as usual. Again, this was a short-lived phase that was intended to just normalize the idea of pooping and potties as things that wen together. Eventually she got tired of the diaper ritual and just used the potty.

OP here. Thank you. I would be totally fine with this and feel it would be a huge step in the right direction. I’m not sure if we’ll be able to implement though. I think if he says “I’m pooping” and we try to move him to the bathroom, he scream and cry and withhold. I might be able to get him into a diaper if (at least at first) I put it on him in the living room. That might be a place to start.

I let my toddler poop in a diaper for several months (I messed up with potty training timing — too soon after she got a sibling and went through some other big changes). What I did was put her in diapers for naps and about an hour before bed, letting her poop where ever for a while (this wasn’t actually intentional, she just snuck the poop in whenever I was dealing with the baby lol). This let us both regain some equilibrium and after a while I started asking if she needed to poop when I thought she did and verbalizing “seems like you’re pooping now” type things when she was and talking about how poop was supposed to go in the potty. Then one week I read a post on DCUM about doing all the pooping/diaper change/etc in the bathroom and thought what the heck let’s try that. I had to bribe her to poop in the bathroom the first day (a raisin seemed a small tax to pay) but after that she took herself to the bathroom to do her pooping (in diaper) without fuss for the rest of the week. So I decided to up the stakes and offered her a marshmallow for pooping on the potty. It only took two nights of that before she tried to withhold a little bit so she could poop on the potty multiple times a night (and get multiple marshmallows surely!) so she got switched to one marshmallow per night for any successful number of poops. The we ran out of marshmallows (intentionally) over the weekend and my child was fully potty trained. Anyway, this is just to let you know that the process can be somewhat involved and still successful, OP. I hate cleaning up poop and I hope you move past this stage soon!

Off topic but this trying to milk the marshmallows is hilarious.

[Anonymous]

I'm not convinced he is ready.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you make cleanup really inconvenient for him?? Slightly different but my daughter at that same age kept going in her overnight pullup- the last time she did it in January, I woke her up at 10 pm for a full bath with all the lights on and everything and I really think she was so inconvenienced, she never did it again.

OP here.

Unfortunately, the whole "make him clean up and make it inconvenient" thing really backfired. He loves doing chores with us, and was legitimately loving learning to clean out his underwear. And he loves baths, so that would just be a reward.

He does not love the wiping process, and he definitely understands that it would be easier to wipe if he went in the potty, but he doesn't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not convinced he is ready.

OP here.

If that's the case, what would you recommend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't go back to the diaper and have him go to the bathroom every hour and sit on the toilet with a book, tablet or what ever for 5-10 minutes at a time. We did it so you only get the tablet on the toilet.

Tablet might work. He LOVES it and gets very little/nearly no time on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't go back to the diaper and have him go to the bathroom every hour and sit on the toilet with a book, tablet or what ever for 5-10 minutes at a time. We did it so you only get the tablet on the toilet.

Tablet might work. He LOVES it and gets very little/nearly no time on it.

I'm the first PP from the thread (the one who did "bathroom diapers" with my DD) and we allowed YouTube videos for DD during potty training and it helped a lot. Like the crap videos/songs that I hate and would normally never let her watch (the Baby Shark stuff and things from the same producers). This was basically how we got her pee trained and also got her do sit on the potty at designated times (before leaving the house and before bed) for a few months, until it became normal to her. I remember at the time worrying that it would totally screw with our previous screen approach (which was very low and limited to a select group of educational programs). But it didn't. I had totally forgotten about those videos which is why I didn't mention. But it was a really good way to incentivize a kid who was otherwise very reluctant to sit on the potty when asked (she is and has always been very independent).

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't do the iPad. I know kids that say "I have to poop!" And sit for a whole show and never produce poop. It becomes a game.

I would up your incentive though. A new desirable toy. Get 3 of them and put them where he can see them but not get them until he successfully poops in the potty.