Restoring spark in marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have DH take TRT

Wow, someone can diagnose low T over the internet without seeing the DH! Magical. Show us your medical degree, PP. We'll wait.

You sound miserable OP. Just get a divorce and let the poor man move on.

You're not responding to OP; I'm not her. But you go right on dispsensing meaningless advice. You didn't even read the OP's post. She said divorce, open marriage etc. is not on the table and they are happy as a couple but need to work on sex. Maybe you need to work on reading comprehension and losing the snark.

You are a truly miserable person. I hope you find peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Like so much in life, we often can't control things that happen. But we can totally control how we look at them.

Get a broader understanding of intimacy and the history of your sexual relationship with your spouse. Understand that what worked when you were in your 20s and 30s may not work now. Bodies change, and you have a lot of history together.

Here's a very good book for starting this thinking process: Couple Sexuality After 60, by Marry McCarthy and Emily McCarthy. Read it together and discuss.

Communicate.

Thanks - will check out that book : - )

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on why the marriage is sexless.

[Anonymous]

My marriage is not sexless because we try to make sex a priority. We have sex 1-3 times a week. That said, ther is no spark. For me, I would be happy with sex once a month probably, but DH needs more and I try to say yes half the time.

We have 3 you g kids, busy work, some money problems, etc. We are stressed, but my husband can easily compartmentalise all the issues and I can’t…

I hope that as the kids get older (and stop having so many activities, birthday parties, sleepovers, teacher conferences, private school applications, needs, wants, etc.) our “spark” will come back.

[Anonymous]

PERIMENOPAUSE, AND SUBSEQUENTLY MENOPAUSE, CHANGES EVERYTHING. for the people in the back.

Read some books. What fresh hell is this by Corinna Henry is one book. There are others. It’s never going to be the same. Young people need to understand this non-negotiable part of life and figure out how to navigate it.

You 40? Get educated about perimenopause. I’m talking to both spouses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My marriage is not sexless because we try to make sex a priority. We have sex 1-3 times a week. That said, ther is no spark. For me, I would be happy with sex once a month probably, but DH needs more and I try to say yes half the time.

We have 3 you g kids, busy work, some money problems, etc. We are stressed, but my husband can easily compartmentalise all the issues and I can’t…

I hope that as the kids get older (and stop having so many activities, birthday parties, sleepovers, teacher conferences, private school applications, needs, wants, etc.) our “spark” will come back.

Just curious,

- when you go on vacation together, is there any spark during that time?

[Anonymous]

Sniff each other's armpits.

[Anonymous]

Read Moody "Witches" [with a b]: The Truth About the Drugs You're Taking, the Sleep You're Missing, the Sex You're Not Having, and What's Really Making You Crazy by Julie Holland. There are some really good tips in there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My marriage is not sexless because we try to make sex a priority. We have sex 1-3 times a week. That said, ther is no spark. For me, I would be happy with sex once a month probably, but DH needs more and I try to say yes half the time.

We have 3 you g kids, busy work, some money problems, etc. We are stressed, but my husband can easily compartmentalise all the issues and I can’t…

I hope that as the kids get older (and stop having so many activities, birthday parties, sleepovers, teacher conferences, private school applications, needs, wants, etc.) our “spark” will come back.

Just curious,

- when you go on vacation together, is there any spark during that time?

Np here and our marriage is like hers only on vacation it's worse because he wants it more and I want to be left alone because it's my vacation too.

It sucks. I read an article about how lesbian marriages become deep intimacy but sexually platonic and I am very jealous

[Anonymous]

Tired 52 y old woman here. Between crazy job, middle school
kids and taking care of elderly parent and even the two animals who sleep
On top of me /depend on me for walks food etc I feel
Like there so little left for sex . I have no initiative yet once I get into it and last the exhaustion and mental block I enjoy it. How do I get out of this mental rut? Not in menopause yet evidently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PERIMENOPAUSE, AND SUBSEQUENTLY MENOPAUSE, CHANGES EVERYTHING. for the people in the back.

Read some books. What fresh hell is this by Corinna Henry is one book. There are others. It’s never going to be the same. Young people need to understand this non-negotiable part of life and figure out how to navigate it.

You 40? Get educated about perimenopause. I’m talking to both spouses.

Please be more detailed instead of this clickbait type of response.

[Anonymous]

Agree with much of the advice already provided:

1. Schedule sex
2. Consider different times then after kids go to bed (especially as they get older) - mornings, especially on the weekends worked well. So did taking a telework day or even a day of leave for afternoon sex while kids are at school
3. Get a babysitter for a weekend afternoon/early evening and get a local hotel room. We did this nearly every Saturday for five years! We earned a lot of hotel points! You can spend based on your income, but a hotel room and takeout cost about the same as a fancy dinner date night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PERIMENOPAUSE, AND SUBSEQUENTLY MENOPAUSE, CHANGES EVERYTHING. for the people in the back.

Read some books. What fresh hell is this by Corinna Henry is one book. There are others. It’s never going to be the same. Young people need to understand this non-negotiable part of life and figure out how to navigate it.

You 40? Get educated about perimenopause. I’m talking to both spouses.

Yeah, I agree with another poster above that this is a bit clickbaity with the shouting headline. We understand, menopause does not get talked about openly enough, if at all.

But it IS navigable, which you note, and not doom and gloom. I posted earlier in this thread: Menopause was the best thing that ever happened to our sex life. Zero concern about pregnancy, no more hormonal birth control (which decreased my libido), better understanding of what we both wanted because we were older and, yeah, it helped that with our kid being much older, we had much more time in the house alone. I fully realize that my individual experience is not universal and I don't claim menopause will be fine for every couple everywhere, but I know that it does not have to be the end of sex, like some threads on DCUM try to claim. I've seen other posters on those threads over the years saying the same thing as me--that after 50 and after menopause sex can be fine or even improve.

Absolutely DO get educated about menopause but don't approach it expecting it to kill all sex or it'll become a self-fulfilling prophecy and it will...kill all sex. Communicate, talk to your doctor frankly and don't panic even before it's happening.