Unwanted gifts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) You should always graciously accept a gift, unless it’s wildly inappropriate.

2) Once it’s yours, you don’t have to keep it.

3) You do not need to reciprocate gifts.

4) You may decide to keep/display gifts and/or reciprocate even if you don’t want to because you think it will strengthen the relationship.


I mostly hate gifts too. It’s just something you have to deal with.

Thanks, Linda. I guess fondling on the Metro, sexual harassment at work and unwanted chest stares from creepy uncles are things we “just have to deal with” too, right? It’s not 1950 anymore. We’re not doing that anymore.

It’s completely fine to tell people you are no longer accepting gifts because you have too much stuff and you have concerns for the environment: tell them you literally will not be accepting gifts, and if they must, please make a donation to the World Wildlife Federation or another green cause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now, with all that is going on with our environment the entiquette has finally changed. You simply state you value people over gifts, you no longer want to do gift exchanges and you don't want to contribute to environmental issues. You do it politely. If you truly love them, let them know and if you truly enjoy their company let them know and make it clear that is the gift.

Don't be surprised if they ignore you. You can say "no thank you" when presented with a gift. The pearl clutchers will gasp, but it is not a gift. You have made it clear you don't want anymore stuff. Now it is an imposition and a boundary violation. It's not your job to find a place to donate or to throw it out and add to the landfill. You said no.

I’m sorry, this is bonkers. I’m a person who hates gifts but “boundaries” are not an excuse to be rude and selfish.

NP. “Rude” and “selfish” would be people continuing to push gifts when someone clearly asks for no more gifts.

No means no. Do you get it?

“I’m sorry, Sylvia, I really did mean I’m not longer accepting gifts. I cannot do so in good conscious, because I have too much stuff already and I am concerned for the environment.”

Just like a vegan or vegetarian shouldn’t “shut up and accept it” if someone makes them a meat pie.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now, with all that is going on with our environment the entiquette has finally changed. You simply state you value people over gifts, you no longer want to do gift exchanges and you don't want to contribute to environmental issues. You do it politely. If you truly love them, let them know and if you truly enjoy their company let them know and make it clear that is the gift.

Don't be surprised if they ignore you. You can say "no thank you" when presented with a gift. The pearl clutchers will gasp, but it is not a gift. You have made it clear you don't want anymore stuff. Now it is an imposition and a boundary violation. It's not your job to find a place to donate or to throw it out and add to the landfill. You said no.

If you state either of these as your reasons, the implication is that the other person values gifts over people and does want to contribute to environmental issues. I'm all for requesting no gifts, but you need to couch it differently. For me, I blame it on our tiny house - we just don't have room for more stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now, with all that is going on with our environment the entiquette has finally changed. You simply state you value people over gifts, you no longer want to do gift exchanges and you don't want to contribute to environmental issues. You do it politely. If you truly love them, let them know and if you truly enjoy their company let them know and make it clear that is the gift.

Don't be surprised if they ignore you. You can say "no thank you" when presented with a gift. The pearl clutchers will gasp, but it is not a gift. You have made it clear you don't want anymore stuff. Now it is an imposition and a boundary violation. It's not your job to find a place to donate or to throw it out and add to the landfill. You said no.

If you state either of these as your reasons, the implication is that the other person values gifts over people and does want to contribute to environmental issues. I'm all for requesting no gifts, but you need to couch it differently. For me, I blame it on our tiny house - we just don't have room for more stuff.

People should just accept a request of "no gifts." If we must explain I think it's fine to be honest. You have a small house. My house is small by some people's standards, but not others, but it's clear we have space for junk. We just don't want it. We care about the environment and we care about social interactions more than stuff. if that offends people then they should have just accepted "no gifts please" and not asked for an explanation. It's a simple boundary and it saves the person money and time, though I know some people have a closet full of stuff/ "last minute gifts" made in China by exploited children. Just no. No more. Think about what you are buying and what it does to the earth and what it does to innocent children in other countries. If you don't want to think about that then just respect people's wishes and don't ask for clarification.

[Anonymous]

Are you in an urban area? Just post it to Freecycle or leave it by the curb if you’re in an area with high foot traffic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you in an urban area? Just post it to Freecycle or leave it by the curb if you’re in an area with high foot traffic.

Not OP, but I live in a suburban townhouse community with an HOA. We are not allowed to leave things on the curb other than trash. Also, do you understand how rude it is to give a gift when somebody said to stop. They shouldn't have to post to Facebook, locate a donation site and move the junk when they asked you to stop. You have to wonder what is wrong with someone who insists on imposing their "gift" on somebody who already set a boundary. It's gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now, with all that is going on with our environment the entiquette has finally changed. You simply state you value people over gifts, you no longer want to do gift exchanges and you don't want to contribute to environmental issues. You do it politely. If you truly love them, let them know and if you truly enjoy their company let them know and make it clear that is the gift.

Don't be surprised if they ignore you. You can say "no thank you" when presented with a gift. The pearl clutchers will gasp, but it is not a gift. You have made it clear you don't want anymore stuff. Now it is an imposition and a boundary violation. It's not your job to find a place to donate or to throw it out and add to the landfill. You said no.

I’m sorry, this is bonkers. I’m a person who hates gifts but “boundaries” are not an excuse to be rude and selfish.

NP. “Rude” and “selfish” would be people continuing to push gifts when someone clearly asks for no more gifts.

No means no. Do you get it?

“I’m sorry, Sylvia, I really did mean I’m not longer accepting gifts. I cannot do so in good conscious, because I have too much stuff already and I am concerned for the environment.”

Just like a vegan or vegetarian shouldn’t “shut up and accept it” if someone makes them a meat pie.

HAHAHAHA. You're insufferable.

[Anonymous]

It's so simple. Be a good person. Be kind. That is a gift. Imposing stuff on someone who politely made it clear they do not want gifts is not generous. It's a violation of boundaries.

In my own family the people who have the hardest time with a "no gifts" policy are the people who have trouble with boundaries in general. They tend to me more entitled and they are the ones who start dramas if you only saif "thank you in person" , but didn't write a card or you wrote a card and it was only 3 sentences or you don't display the gift in your house. The best gifts are free and they are about basic humanity. And really a decent person cares about child exploitation in other countries and cares about the environment. Do better. Respect boundaries and stop junk dumping on people who already said "no more."

[Anonymous]

What do you do about single siblings? My SIL gives nice gifts to my 3 kids and I don’t want to stop giving her gifts. She just doesn’t need to give Dh and i gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you in an urban area? Just post it to Freecycle or leave it by the curb if you’re in an area with high foot traffic.

Not OP, but I live in a suburban townhouse community with an HOA. We are not allowed to leave things on the curb other than trash. Also, do you understand how rude it is to give a gift when somebody said to stop. They shouldn't have to post to Facebook, locate a donation site and move the junk when they asked you to stop. You have to wonder what is wrong with someone who insists on imposing their "gift" on somebody who already set a boundary. It's gross.

Then in your case, just throw it right in the trash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you in an urban area? Just post it to Freecycle or leave it by the curb if you’re in an area with high foot traffic.

Not OP, but I live in a suburban townhouse community with an HOA. We are not allowed to leave things on the curb other than trash. Also, do you understand how rude it is to give a gift when somebody said to stop. They shouldn't have to post to Facebook, locate a donation site and move the junk when they asked you to stop. You have to wonder what is wrong with someone who insists on imposing their "gift" on somebody who already set a boundary. It's gross.

Then in your case, just throw it right in the trash.

That is destroying the environment. That is not a gift. It is disgusting. Just stop with the gifts if someone says not to give them. It's a very simple thing to help end waste.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) You should always graciously accept a gift, unless it’s wildly inappropriate.

2) Once it’s yours, you don’t have to keep it.

3) You do not need to reciprocate gifts.

4) You may decide to keep/display gifts and/or reciprocate even if you don’t want to because you think it will strengthen the relationship.


I mostly hate gifts too. It’s just something you have to deal with.

This.

+2