I said some things to my mom

[Anonymous]

“Gee mom, I learned how to care for family members by your example”.

I know you won’t say that but it’s ok to think it. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

You owe her nothing. I’m sorry you had two terrible parents. Do not be sorry for speaking the truth to an abusive, manipulative, neglectful person who does t deserve the title of mother.

[Anonymous]

Ivana Trump died because of a fall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ivana Trump died because of a fall.

Yup. She died on her own terms. She didn't want more help than an aide during the day. She could have gone to the most luxurious residential facility, but didn't. Maybe it was best that way. She could still, walk, talk, eat the best foods and enjoy life up until the end. Are we better off declining into someone incapable of even the most basic forms of independence while being angry and even aggressive before that? Is that better? I say this as someone who has seen parents decline into misery with dementia.

[Anonymous]

Block her posts on Facebook for a while and step back a little. No need to ignore or neglect her if you don’t want but don’t be the one who always takes the initiative and keep communications bland (like the weather or a show you watched on tv). Distance without all the emotions can give you some perspective on how to handle going forward.

[Anonymous]

Narcissists are good at making people feel sorry for them. Until the people try and help, then they are good at making people miserable. "I need help; come close so I can bite you."

[Anonymous]

Stay off Facebook.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Narcissists are good at making people feel sorry for them. Until the people try and help, then they are good at making people miserable. "I need help; come close so I can bite you."

I just choked on my water laughing at this. It's exactly what they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I relate OP. My mother lashed out in such fury when I tried to get her to make plans for aging that don't just include me being at her beckon call. We have some really abusive and dysfunctional dynamics in our family for generations. I've gotten a lot of therapy to deal with aging parents issues, on top of life throwing many stressors our way. Here is what helps me besides therapy:

1.) My husband and I have many inside jokes about it all and we watched shows like "Arrested Development" because the mother is so much like our mothers (but much more endearing than our moms)

2.) exercise and eating healthy

3.) Accepting this is my life. I didn't ask for it. I am not responsible for her happiness. I cannot be her target. I just set boundaries and keep stepping back. I run things as much as i can from beside the scenes and get paid strangers involved with her so she behaves.

4.) Don't share with people who don't get it. Some people have empathy, some assume it must be your fault. Don't waste energy on those who don't get it.

5.) Break the cycle...which i am sure you are.

6.) Step back and observe. I almost go outside my body when mom rages or sends a nastygram by text. I make my boundaries clear, but I also from a distance look at it and think about how utterly disturbed she is. I used to put her on a pedestal and blame myself. Now I see her more like one of those really yappy, irrational dogs who hates everyone, growls and can't cope with dog life. I want to be the dog that greets everyone in a friendly way and just enjoys life.

I'm sorry, but you sound incredibly heartless and mean in your description of your mother. How have you "broken the cycle"? Or do you mean it's not okay for your mom to be mean, but it's okay for you? Sounds more like the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

[Anonymous]

My mother used to beat the snot out of me with belts, hangers, towel rods, and anything within reach. My earliest memory of this was when I was 5. Not to say it would have been OK to beat a snart-mouthed teenager, but that wasn't it.

Anyway I cut her out of my life when I left home and she called me crying, with terminal cancer, 30 years later. I ignored the call.

Live your own life.

[Anonymous]

Your Mom abused you (or didn't stop it)
Op, you should not be involved with her
The answer to your problem IS NOT difficult