Friend complains about stepsister siphoning off money from parents. How to respond or support?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask her why she is complaining to you? Does she want advice? My advice would be for her to talk to her father. He is the one that can change the situation.

OP. My friend and I were out with three other friends when she mentioned it. She wasn't asking for advice. I think she just wanted a little rant. We all said it must be hard or something along those lines.
Friend said she doesn't visit her father and his wife often. In her own words, her father thinks his stepdaughter is 'wonderful'. That may have something to do with it ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your friend isn't wrong about what her step-sister is doing but the fact that she cares about this at 62 years old is crazy. It isn't her money, she needs to just let it go.

And before someone bashes me, I am a ACOD, my father is remarried and I have a step-sibling and a half-sibling on my father's side. I expect to inherit exactly $0.00 from him and that is fine with me.

To be fair, it's a new situation. It's not like she is upset that the stepsister got her college paid for and she didn't.

But yeah I agree, I mean, as long as she isn't going to be on the hook for financially supporting her father, this isn't really her battle. I'm sure it's painful and she needs support but she needs some perspective.

(And I'm also an ACOD)

The more money that goes out the door to the stepsister, the more likely she *is* going to be on the hook for it-- and maybe for supporting the stepmother too. And the stepsister doesn't seem to be able to support herself, so what's she gonna do when the cash runs out?

You are all making a ton of assumptions here. I can conjure a different set of assumptions that paints the stepsister as altruistically helping the parents and caring for them while OP's friend lives distantly and isn't helping at all. Whatever, who knows. OP is the one asking the question and she isn't even related to these people. Obviously all she can do is offer a listening ear for her friend. The friend can't control anything, so certainly OP cannot. And yeah, not that it matters, but I am also speaking as an ACOD.

Yes, the situation could go either way. And an ACOD doesn't necessarily know whether it's a good thing or a bad thing or a weird combination of help and exploitation at the same time. Sometimes you only find out this stuff when your parent actually runs out of money and comes to you for help, or when you're tasked with settling the estate.

[Anonymous]

Maybe this is a strategy to transfer assets in case the father needs Medicaid some day? I know someone who did that and it worked. But in that case the new place should be jointly owned by all the children.