Obsession with perfection

[Anonymous]

This isn't new. My grandmother lived in a tiny apartment in eastern Europe and dusted every morning before going to work. Everything was pristine and had a spot. No clutter anywhere also because the space was very small. Well decorated even with her low budget.

[Anonymous]

I think many of us feel inadequate when we see people who exude perfection. Whether that is in the clothes they wear, the homes the live in or just seeing them in their daily life. I think everyone has something they do well or an area of life they thrive in so try not to let it get to you.
Op, if you are into decorating and keeping the home then enjoy it and do your very personal best. If you aren’t then try not to ruminate on why someone else might be in to keeping their home up to a level that is perfection for them and just do what makes you happy. Your home is your home. It has to suit you and those within. That’s it. 😁 Make it to your liking and try not to focus on what someone is or is not doing. Also try it to judge others that want to go over the top. I hate this saying but the advice is so good….You do you!

[Anonymous]

I like clean homes.

[Anonymous]

It’s quite enough to maintain a reasonably clean and decluttered home, I don’t think anyone is achieving “perfection” without considerable staff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does the state of my house affect you in any way.

The state of your house or any one house doesn’t affect anyone. However, the rise in expectations of how people should live, which for some reason is primarily related to what women shoukd be doing, is terrible and it affects all of us. Somehow we are expected to maintain perfect homes, spend hours every day curating our children’s lives to perfection, while holding down meaningful jobs and making sure our families are eating healthy meals…it’s not a realistic goal. And of course some of us can buck those expectations and still feel good about ourselves, but humans are social creatures and it’s really hard to not care what what other people think because we are innately wired and socialized to care. Too many of us don’t succeed the way it seems like everyone else is and end up feeling insecure or lonely or as if they are failures.the worst part is how hard women are on each other; you can see so much of that on this board. It’s sad, really.

Really? I think there is WAAAAY less pressure to have a perfect home/children/homemaking skills than there was say, 50 years ago. When I was a kid (I was born in '71) it seemed like a lot of moms were far more concerned with cleaning and cooking than having outside interests, working, spending time with their children.

I don’t think OP was talking about cleanliness and organization exactly, more about how everything has to be new and perfect (the Floors! have to match the Furniture! which all needs to look a Certain! Way! and the Appliances! need to be five years old or newer!). It can’t just be a nice clean home with homey furnishings anymore, it has to be immaculate (except for that one room the owners throw everything into because the cleanliness is mostly a sham) and the organized spaces require bins and labels and space between the bins. I don’t think anyone understands what OP was talking about, save 8:38.

It is weird, OP, and it drives more materialism. Even if someone’s home isn’t what we’d consider “insta perfect,” how many people do you know who replace their furniture or kitchen every 3-5 years? I know more than a few and that’s full on bat spit crazy. People have this expectation that everything needs to be new all the time, and if anyone doubts it, read annnnny thread about kitchen renovations. “Can I live with these beautiful but hideous dark cherry cabinets?” “NO, OP, rip them out! You cannot be seen to live with that!! It’s OuTdAtEd!!!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does the state of my house affect you in any way.

The state of your house or any one house doesn’t affect anyone. However, the rise in expectations of how people should live, which for some reason is primarily related to what women shoukd be doing, is terrible and it affects all of us. Somehow we are expected to maintain perfect homes, spend hours every day curating our children’s lives to perfection, while holding down meaningful jobs and making sure our families are eating healthy meals…it’s not a realistic goal. And of course some of us can buck those expectations and still feel good about ourselves, but humans are social creatures and it’s really hard to not care what what other people think because we are innately wired and socialized to care. Too many of us don’t succeed the way it seems like everyone else is and end up feeling insecure or lonely or as if they are failures.the worst part is how hard women are on each other; you can see so much of that on this board. It’s sad, really.

Really? I think there is WAAAAY less pressure to have a perfect home/children/homemaking skills than there was say, 50 years ago. When I was a kid (I was born in '71) it seemed like a lot of moms were far more concerned with cleaning and cooking than having outside interests, working, spending time with their children.

I don’t think OP was talking about cleanliness and organization exactly, more about how everything has to be new and perfect (the Floors! have to match the Furniture! which all needs to look a Certain! Way! and the Appliances! need to be five years old or newer!). It can’t just be a nice clean home with homey furnishings anymore, it has to be immaculate (except for that one room the owners throw everything into because the cleanliness is mostly a sham) and the organized spaces require bins and labels and space between the bins. I don’t think anyone understands what OP was talking about, save 8:38.

It is weird, OP, and it drives more materialism. Even if someone’s home isn’t what we’d consider “insta perfect,” how many people do you know who replace their furniture or kitchen every 3-5 years? I know more than a few and that’s full on bat spit crazy. People have this expectation that everything needs to be new all the time, and if anyone doubts it, read annnnny thread about kitchen renovations. “Can I live with these beautiful but hideous dark cherry cabinets?” “NO, OP, rip them out! You cannot be seen to live with that!! It’s OuTdAtEd!!!”

You keep saying “people feel” this or that but we’re telling you that people DON’T feel like that, you’re just spending WAY too much time on social media. If a thirteen year old told you everyone thinks they need a full face of makeup and long nails, would you tell her she’s right or take away her phone? Take away your phone!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Clean house clean mind.
My mom kept a spotless house when I was growing up, as did her mom. Now I do. I want my kids to have a clean and clutter free environment that they're proud of.

People have way too much clutter. Its anxiety provoking.

Please start a new thread about this clean house mind. I’m about to wake up my kids, but I want to come back later and read about it!

[Anonymous]

Well I imagine you wouldn't be talking about my house since it's consistently messy. However, I do find immense pleasure in designing it. It's a creative outlook for me and it's very important. I have had this interest since I was a little girl and throughout all income levels of my life.

I've had a few occasions where people walk into my home and I can tell they feel self-conscious about their own. I wish they wouldn't. It's just my thing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well I imagine you wouldn't be talking about my house since it's consistently messy. However, I do find immense pleasure in designing it. It's a creative outlook for me and it's very important. I have had this interest since I was a little girl and throughout all income levels of my life.

I've had a few occasions where people walk into my home and I can tell they feel self-conscious about their own. I wish they wouldn't. It's just my thing!

Being self conscious about their own! Nail on the head pp. I believe a lot of this is driven in feelings of inadequacy. I have had people come over to my home and tell me that they would never have me over because their home and cooking skills aren’t up to par. Perhaps it was said to compliment, but it made me feel very awkward. I love to decorate and entertain. It’s a hobby. So I make time for it.

[Anonymous]

I love to have my house clean and organized but I’m fat so I think that helps a lot with making other people feel bad.

[Anonymous]

I think overconsumption has led to the home organizing trend that has taken over social media. But less. If you need systems and containers for literally everything, you have too much stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think overconsumption has led to the home organizing trend that has taken over social media. But less. If you need systems and containers for literally everything, you have too much stuff.

Uhh no. You do need systems for everything! But the way to accomplish that, for most people, is getting rid of stuff. I know because I don’t have systems for everything and it makes my house less functional and I’m pressure sure the problem would be solved by getting rid of some things.

[Anonymous]

If your home is not messy, you are throwing away a lot of your life...

I know, I know, I might regret "I wish I had a clean, well organized, everything in its place home" on my deathbed.

As we speak we have a wooden railway covering half of our living room that DC was putting together... it will be there for a week

Half finished art project in family room and material for a science project spread over the desk of DC2 near kitchen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think overconsumption has led to the home organizing trend that has taken over social media. But less. If you need systems and containers for literally everything, you have too much stuff.

Yeah, this isn’t accurate. After growing up in a cluttered house, I’ve worked my way to being really organized. You don’t need fancy containers. But once you’ve pared down your belongings, a good organization system requires a lot of containers, endless hooks, labels, etc. That’s how you make a place for everything. And that means most things have a place you can STILL SEE/IDENTIFY when the thing is “out.” That makes it much easier/more consistent for things to be put away. Remember how Julia Child outlined her pots and pans on her pegboard so when they are all being used, it’s easy to put them back the same way? Like that. That cost nothing.

People who do have too much stuff tend to buy containers as part of their failed efforts to manage it, like my dear mother. But it’s usually big plastic totes, because they contain a pile and that’s as far as her brain can get tbh. To be clear is she fabulous, successful, and has a lovely home as long as you don’t look behind certain closed doors, which is just fine!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your home is not messy, you are throwing away a lot of your life...

I know, I know, I might regret "I wish I had a clean, well organized, everything in its place home" on my deathbed.

As we speak we have a wooden railway covering half of our living room that DC was putting together... it will be there for a week

Half finished art project in family room and material for a science project spread over the desk of DC2 near kitchen.

Oh please, no one is talking about in progress art projects or train sets as a problem. And you don’t need to insult people who have a “clean, organized” home as part of your humble brag. Maybe just don’t go about your day declaring how other people are “throwing away a lot of their life.”