Things your parents say or do which you wouldn't say or do to your adult children

[Anonymous]

Trumpist/racist, transparent transphobia under the guise of “oh I just don’t understaaannnnnnddddd” like you don’t understand people want to be treated with respect.

[Anonymous]

My parents like to go on and on how great they were as parents. They really weren’t, though. They were/are verbally and emotionally abusive, narcissistic and judgmental, critical of everything we did/are doing.

They also do things mentioned in this thread like pointing out flaws in our house, things we need to fix, flaws in our parenting, perceived problems w our kids. They will share every negative and critical thought they have w us, their adult children. They would never make such comments to others: other family members, friends. They think it’s ok to be critical of us bc we’re their kids but if we ever made a similar critical remark to them about their house, etc, they’d be extremely offended and upset.

I’ll never treat my kids like that.

[Anonymous]

When will you forgive your parents? When your own kids take out their laundry list of complaints about YOU that you never thought would exist? Then it will be too late.

[Anonymous]

“But I tried my best!”

[Anonymous]

“I just give, give, give, and you just take, take, take.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When will you forgive your parents? When your own kids take out their laundry list of complaints about YOU that you never thought would exist? Then it will be too late.

Too late for what? It’s never too late to apologize and nurture a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When will you forgive your parents? When your own kids take out their laundry list of complaints about YOU that you never thought would exist? Then it will be too late.

Why should I forgive them when they’re still doing the stuff I’m supposed to forgive them for? They haven’t changed. They’re not going to. I don’t need to forgive them when they’re still purposefully hurting me and my siblings w their verbal abuse and critical remarks.

I’m sure my kids will have complaints about me too. No one is perfect. If/when my kids lodge their own complaints about my parenting, I will listen to them, sincerely apologize for my mistakes, and try to rebuild a relationship learning from my mistakes. I can accept that criticism though im sure it’ll be hard to hear.

But I don’t verbally abuse my kids like my parents did and I never will. It’s incredibly damaging. I still remember being called a b*^%# when I was about 8 and how horrible I felt. I still remember being told I wasn’t smart when I got a C in chemistry in high school. I still remember being called a hussy for wearing nail polish. And I’ve endured tons more of negative and hurtful comments over the years and still in the present day. I have learned to block it out and not react to it but I’ll never forgive it. They have never acknowledged the hurt and have never apologized so why should I forgive them? They’re not nice people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When will you forgive your parents? When your own kids take out their laundry list of complaints about YOU that you never thought would exist? Then it will be too late.

There’s always at least one comment like this on threads like this. You sound like a bitter parent of adult children who expects forgiveness despite never admitting they did anything wrong and never apologizing (in a meaningful way) to your adult kids.

[Anonymous]

My ILs question our parenting decisions whenever they disagree woth our decisions. "When our kids were little we __________ and they all turned out ok."

I'd like to point out that back in their day there were not car seat mandates or seat belt mandates and some kids/people died, but I don't, I hold my tongue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When will you forgive your parents? When your own kids take out their laundry list of complaints about YOU that you never thought would exist? Then it will be too late.

You’ll note that this thread is not about some childhood grievance but about continuing behavior. So the answer is - when the parents stop doing these things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When will you forgive your parents? When your own kids take out their laundry list of complaints about YOU that you never thought would exist? Then it will be too late.

There’s always at least one comment like this on threads like this. You sound like a bitter parent of adult children who expects forgiveness despite never admitting they did anything wrong and never apologizing (in a meaningful way) to your adult kids.

Don't you wish. No, you are creating your own list of things your kids hate about you -- and teaching them to hate you for it, just like you do to your parents.

There's a sick, sick culture on DCUM where everyone gets to be the child forever. You are adults now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When will you forgive your parents? When your own kids take out their laundry list of complaints about YOU that you never thought would exist? Then it will be too late.

Allow me to blow your narrow mind: I simultaneously forgive them, recognizing that they did their best, AND I’m learning from my mistakes. I have the self-awareness to not only know that I make mistakes as a parent, but to actively try to do better. Do you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When will you forgive your parents? When your own kids take out their laundry list of complaints about YOU that you never thought would exist? Then it will be too late.

Too late for what? It’s never too late to apologize and nurture a relationship.

Your parents will be dead or in a nursing home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When will you forgive your parents? When your own kids take out their laundry list of complaints about YOU that you never thought would exist? Then it will be too late.

Allow me to blow your narrow mind: I simultaneously forgive them, recognizing that they did their best, AND I’m learning from my mistakes. I have the self-awareness to not only know that I make mistakes as a parent, but to actively try to do better. Do you?

I guarantee you are doing things to your kids that they will grow up to say they will never, ever do or say to their own kids. Never. Ever. I can tell because your post is braggadocious and mean, and otherwise lacking substance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have this dynamic where my mom cheated on my dad and is still with her AP. My dad is remarried to someone who he met later. And she's always insisting that we're a happy modern family and that these things "just happen in some families" and that she and my dad's wife are friends, etc. Meanwhile, my dad's wife does not like her and will sh*t-talk her to anyone who will listen, including me. My mom is always offering to come over to my dad's house for dinner-- that's right, she's inviting herself-- so that she can "spend more time with the kids", even though the kids hate dinner and sit at the table for max 10 minutes.

If I object to any of this, decline to validate her beliefs, or show any sign of stress while traveling with small children, I'm "carrying negative energy". So that's what I'll never do to my adult children.

It does sound like you ARE carrying around negative energy. Those things do happen – people splitting up and going off with someone else – and it doesn’t mean your mom is a bad person. It sounds like she tried to make the best of the situation. The person who sounds pretty awful is your dad’s wife, really poor behavior to bad talk your own mother in front of you.