Would you use donor eggs if you already have a child?

[Anonymous]

"...If you have neither donated or received donated material, then you have no idea what you are talking about and your opinions are quite meaningless. "

I am not the PP you are referring to (am a NP), and this is a tangent, but I just want to chime in because I see comments like yours above on many threads, and think that such an attitude of "if you haven't precisely experienced exactly whatever it is that we are talking about then your opinions are worthless" is a truly silly, unhelpful concept. Obviously everyone has opinions formed by many things (personal experience, reading, experiences of friends/loved ones, etc.), and personal experience is not the only factor, nor even necessarily the most important factor. By your logic (or rather, illogic), then no one who hasn't had an abortion, for example, could ever have an opinion on such, nor could any man ever have an opinion on anything childbirth-related like the rate of C-sections or whatever, SAHMs couldn't have an opinion on the merits of daycare vs. a nanny, etc., etc.--well, you get my point.

[Anonymous]

So, someone not experiencing donor sperm or eggs can truly appreciate the complicated emotional and ethical issues surrounding them?

This is not as simple as the daycare vs nanny debate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, someone not experiencing donor sperm or eggs can truly appreciate the complicated emotional and ethical issues surrounding them?

This is not as simple as the daycare vs nanny debate.

You are missing the point--the point is that YES, people who haven't experienced things can legitimately have oinions and join the discussion. (And donor eggs may be more complicated than daycare vs. nanny, but not more than the abortion issue, or capital punishment, or stem cells, or any one of a myriad of complicated ethical, philosophical issues.) Bottom line: to pretend to limit the discussion only those with direct personal experience to the issue at hand, is counterproductive, impossible, and unserious to boot.

[Anonymous]

another thread that has taken off in all directions rather than op's question.

[Anonymous]

Those with donor egg/sperm and or surrogate experience don't go around saying it is "selling" or make similar assumptions about it being for profit.

[Anonymous]

This is OP and I just wanted to thank those of you who shared experience using or considering donor eggs, particularly those who considered it despite already having a child. I would still love to hear from more of you who considered or pursued this option. Thanks again.

[Anonymous]

I'm 11 weeks pregnant with donor eggs. We've been trying for multiple years since our first child was born, and it evidently wasn't going to happen otherwise. I feel very comfortable with this decision. I know this is the baby we were meant to have.

[Anonymous]

The IVFconnections boards have a good donor egg board that may be helpful. I remember reading a really sweet post there a while ago by someone who had a second child using DE and just loved her to pieces -- same as she loved DC#1.

As for whether you can have opinions about this stuff before you have been through it -- obviously you can. But they mght not be the same opinions you'll have if you do face this issue. I never thought that I'd do DE, but after 3 failed IVFs, I seriously considered it. Basically, if you are infertile, there are no perfect options. Even adoption is complicated (just read that recent New Yorker article).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The IVFconnections boards have a good donor egg board that may be helpful. I remember reading a really sweet post there a while ago by someone who had a second child using DE and just loved her to pieces -- same as she loved DC#1.

As for whether you can have opinions about this stuff before you have been through it -- obviously you can. But they mght not be the same opinions you'll have if you do face this issue. I never thought that I'd do DE, but after 3 failed IVFs, I seriously considered it. Basically, if you are infertile, there are no perfect options. Even adoption is complicated (just read that recent New Yorker article).

Thanks for the tip on IVFconnections. It seems the board isn't accepting new registrations.

I'm going to look for the New Yorker article. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not saying that the sale -- not donation, let's be honest, folks -- of gametes should be illegal as it is in certain countries but yes, a normal person can be made very uncomfortable about the ethics of selling genetic material.

I personally would never have considered selling my eggs to be joined with sperm that will develop into a person who would be raised by someone I have never met. I would have stopped dating anyone who admitted that he had sold his sperm because I view such actions as grossly irresponsible for someone living in a developed country in which poverty will not likely lead to starvation.

I have nothing but the highest admiration for true donors, people who make a selfless gift of their eggs and sperm to friends and family members in need.

. Go back under the bridge troll. Big words from someone not faced with infertility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not saying that the sale -- not donation, let's be honest, folks -- of gametes should be illegal as it is in certain countries but yes, a normal person can be made very uncomfortable about the ethics of selling genetic material.

I personally would never have considered selling my eggs to be joined with sperm that will develop into a person who would be raised by someone I have never met. I would have stopped dating anyone who admitted that he had sold his sperm because I view such actions as grossly irresponsible for someone living in a developed country in which poverty will not likely lead to starvation.

I have nothing but the highest admiration for true donors, people who make a selfless gift of their eggs and sperm to friends and family members in need.

How's the view up there on your high horse?

[Anonymous]

The view from my fine mount is lovely, thanks. I think the UK experience is instructive. As soon as they outlawed payment for gametes, the number of "donations" plummeted. In that country, at least, the motives appear to have been less altruistric.

I never said donating eggs was easy. For the rates charged there must be considerable discomfort. I do not have to be infertile to be able to form an opinion about this but agree that it is inappropriate for me to continue to post on this thread as the only input desired must be wholly uncritical.

I take my leave of you at this juncture.

[Anonymous]

good riddance!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not saying that the sale -- not donation, let's be honest, folks -- of gametes should be illegal as it is in certain countries but yes, a normal person can be made very uncomfortable about the ethics of selling genetic material.

I personally would never have considered selling my eggs to be joined with sperm that will develop into a person who would be raised by someone I have never met. I would have stopped dating anyone who admitted that he had sold his sperm because I view such actions as grossly irresponsible for someone living in a developed country in which poverty will not likely lead to starvation.

I have nothing but the highest admiration for true donors, people who make a selfless gift of their eggs and sperm to friends and family members in need.

.

I just figured out that you are saying you would not date anyone who had sold their sperm unless they happened to be starving at the time. You are so weird. I mean really this is a really weird thing to say.

[Anonymous]

Back to OP's question: I have a child and am considering donor egg. Maybe my DC is just a true miracle and I simply don't have the eggs to have another. I loved being preg and want that again. Adoption sounds wonderful, but it's so public, involves another family into my already disfunctional one, and altho DH and I would treat our second blessing like the first, I sincerely doubt our families would. I have a SIL w/ 2 adopted kids, and our mutual family *definitely* treats those 2 grandkids/cousins differently than they treat my DC.