Would you use donor eggs if you already have a child?

[Anonymous]

I'm wondering if anyone out there on DCUM with secondary infertility has used donor eggs. I'm beginning to consider this and I'd like to hear from other women who have done it or considered it. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

We did. We have an older child and we just had twins using donor eggs. A very personal choice but we are very happy.

[Anonymous]

I know several people doing this. We haven't been able to embrace the idea, though. My DC looks and acts so much like me that I think it would be obvious that we used a donor (and we're private people), plus, I worry about #2 feeling left out or not part of the family, or potential favoritism on my part. My other issue (which I have not told DH) is that I have a better gene pool than he does (his family has some serious health and mental health problems for one) - how can I pass that on to one child and not the other?

Anyway, as I'm writing this I realize that someone might think that my reasons are silly or superficial, but nonetheless I haven't been able to embrace the idea of a donor.

[Anonymous]

PP, It has become impossible to say so openly, but most people feel the way you do about donor eggs and sperm. Getting gametes from someone you know is one thing but paying someone for genetic material is truly disturbing -- exploitation to the max.

[Anonymous]

Whoa, PP!! I find your comments "truly disturbing." One person made an honest commentary on her feelings about why DE isn't right for her in her situation, but in no way suggested that the process of paying someone for genetic material being "truly disturbing." For those of us on this board who have done or are considering doing DE, your comment is unnecessary. It is one option for people to have the family of their dreams and usually comes after much heartache and struggle with infertility. Your ignorance tells me that you haven't faced serious IF issues, so until you do, keep your comments to yourself.

[Anonymous]

agree with 18.25. 16.11 is clueless and has no idea what he/she is talking about.

[Anonymous]

I ended up being more comfortable with adoption than with donor egg (and now have a beautiful baby girl), but I did have a couple doctors recommend it to me. The aspect I couldn't get comfortable with is that the child would only share genetics with my husband and not me, and I was afraid it might feel like the child is more his than mine.

[Anonymous]

I have also thought about DE, but ultimately decided against it. I was worried about how I would react to potential issues (development, looks, personality related, etc.) - would I blame myself if these issues came from the donor? Also, I already have a child too and wondered how I would feel if the second child was prettier, more athletic, more intellignet than our biological child. Tough decision. I am curious if the decision to use donor sperm is easier. It seems like it is much more common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, It has become impossible to say so openly, but most people feel the way you do about donor eggs and sperm. Getting gametes from someone you know is one thing but paying someone for genetic material is truly disturbing -- exploitation to the max.

um 16:11, you do not speak for "most people" that I know.

[Anonymous]

I think having the opportunity to used donor reproductive tissue is a blessing and gives infertile people a chance to have families that they otherwise could not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think having the opportunity to used donor reproductive tissue is a blessing and gives infertile people a chance to have families that they otherwise could not.

amen!

[Anonymous]

I am not saying that the sale -- not donation, let's be honest, folks -- of gametes should be illegal as it is in certain countries but yes, a normal person can be made very uncomfortable about the ethics of selling genetic material.

I personally would never have considered selling my eggs to be joined with sperm that will develop into a person who would be raised by someone I have never met. I would have stopped dating anyone who admitted that he had sold his sperm because I view such actions as grossly irresponsible for someone living in a developed country in which poverty will not likely lead to starvation.

I have nothing but the highest admiration for true donors, people who make a selfless gift of their eggs and sperm to friends and family members in need.

[Anonymous]

i thought i was ready for adoption, but not really.

with adoption, we would be loving a child with no connection to us. at least with a donor egg child, we would be loving a child with my husband's genes and i would have a significant role, too, thanks to epigenetics.

thank god for donor eggs.

[Anonymous]

I am seriously considering donor egg to fulfill my dreams of a child. Having been through numerous IVF treatments (some with complications), I see no issue in compensating an anonymous donor for going through an egg retrieval, since she is manipulating her body with hormones and can have some brutal side effects. I am, however, not as comfortable with the thought of having a friend or family member donate and having them always look at MY child knowing that child is a part of them. Nobody will ever agree on what is right or wrong about donation of eggs and sperm, but everyone ultimately has to make choices on what is right for THEM and none of us are in a position to judge what is right for someone else. And, without the gift (and it is a gift even if not "given" by someone you know) of donor egg and sperm, many, many couples would not have the opportunity to have a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not saying that the sale -- not donation, let's be honest, folks -- of gametes should be illegal as it is in certain countries but yes, a normal person can be made very uncomfortable about the ethics of selling genetic material.

I personally would never have considered selling my eggs to be joined with sperm that will develop into a person who would be raised by someone I have never met. I would have stopped dating anyone who admitted that he had sold his sperm because I view such actions as grossly irresponsible for someone living in a developed country in which poverty will not likely lead to starvation.

I have nothing but the highest admiration for true donors, people who make a selfless gift of their eggs and sperm to friends and family members in need.

Some of us have given the gift of life, even though it was compensated. It is not about the money, though you seem to believe otherwise. If you have neither donated or received donated material, then you have no idea what you are talking about and your opinions are quite meaningless. It is not an easy endeavor and attitudes like yours are offensive.