Is it ok to act single when you are out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if they’re going out to specifically seek that kind of interaction, it’s problematic. Are they taking off their rings? I had a friend who was out with a group, without her DH, and a guy she was talking to asked for her number. She gave it to him because she felt like she’d led him on (I know, don’t get me started). She didn’t understand why her DH was upset. They divorced a year later.

If you aren’t looking for it and a little banter and harmless joking happens, I think that’s okay if it doesn’t become a habit.

2 women activity seek the attention. They are always drinking, flirting, dancing, dry humping, exchanging numbers with guys. I think they want to know they still have it and being desired is important to them. I get annoyed going out with them because I feel they are out for attention and not to hang out with friends. I have limited free time and watching them act ridiculous is not how I want to waste my time.

I have other friends who are prettier and more attractive. They get attention too but don’t flirt back.

So don’t go out with them? You sound like a disgruntled male poster who is mad the woman at the bar was married.

I guess for the past decade, I have been in mom mode. I used to work and spend all free time with my kids. I’m only recently going out more with adult friends without the kids. Maybe I’ve just been living in baby/toddler life and this is what other adult women do whether they are moms or not.

No plenty of people don’t do this. My actually single friends are also perfectly capable of hanging out with other women to socialize. Stop going out with these women or at least stop going out with them to bars if you don’t like what they want to do. I can’t judge whether what they’re doing is “right” done that depends on them and their partners but it sounds like it’s not right for you so just skip it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if they’re going out to specifically seek that kind of interaction, it’s problematic. Are they taking off their rings? I had a friend who was out with a group, without her DH, and a guy she was talking to asked for her number. She gave it to him because she felt like she’d led him on (I know, don’t get me started). She didn’t understand why her DH was upset. They divorced a year later.

If you aren’t looking for it and a little banter and harmless joking happens, I think that’s okay if it doesn’t become a habit.

2 women activity seek the attention. They are always drinking, flirting, dancing, dry humping, exchanging numbers with guys. I think they want to know they still have it and being desired is important to them. I get annoyed going out with them because I feel they are out for attention and not to hang out with friends. I have limited free time and watching them act ridiculous is not how I want to waste my time.

I have other friends who are prettier and more attractive. They get attention too but don’t flirt back.

So don’t go out with them? You sound like a disgruntled male poster who is mad the woman at the bar was married.

I guess for the past decade, I have been in mom mode. I used to work and spend all free time with my kids. I’m only recently going out more with adult friends without the kids. Maybe I’ve just been living in baby/toddler life and this is what other adult women do whether they are moms or not.

No plenty of people don’t do this. My actually single friends are also perfectly capable of hanging out with other women to socialize. Stop going out with these women or at least stop going out with them to bars if you don’t like what they want to do. I can’t judge whether what they’re doing is “right” done that depends on them and their partners but it sounds like it’s not right for you so just skip it.

Yup this. Seek friends who are more aligned with you. I don’t do any of that stuff either as talking to strange men at bars really stresses me out, but it’s not some kind of moral failing like you’re making it out to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if they’re going out to specifically seek that kind of interaction, it’s problematic. Are they taking off their rings? I had a friend who was out with a group, without her DH, and a guy she was talking to asked for her number. She gave it to him because she felt like she’d led him on (I know, don’t get me started). She didn’t understand why her DH was upset. They divorced a year later.

If you aren’t looking for it and a little banter and harmless joking happens, I think that’s okay if it doesn’t become a habit.

2 women activity seek the attention. They are always drinking, flirting, dancing, dry humping, exchanging numbers with guys. I think they want to know they still have it and being desired is important to them. I get annoyed going out with them because I feel they are out for attention and not to hang out with friends. I have limited free time and watching them act ridiculous is not how I want to waste my time.

I have other friends who are prettier and more attractive. They get attention too but don’t flirt back.

So don’t go out with them? You sound like a disgruntled male poster who is mad the woman at the bar was married.

I guess for the past decade, I have been in mom mode. I used to work and spend all free time with my kids. I’m only recently going out more with adult friends without the kids. Maybe I’ve just been living in baby/toddler life and this is what other adult women do whether they are moms or not.

No plenty of people don’t do this. My actually single friends are also perfectly capable of hanging out with other women to socialize. Stop going out with these women or at least stop going out with them to bars if you don’t like what they want to do. I can’t judge whether what they’re doing is “right” done that depends on them and their partners but it sounds like it’s not right for you so just skip it.

Yup this. Seek friends who are more aligned with you. I don’t do any of that stuff either as talking to strange men at bars really stresses me out, but it’s not some kind of moral failing like you’re making it out to be.

+1- I hated going out even in my 20s and only did it a handful of times. At the time it felt like that was a moral failing. Find your people OP and you will be happier!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if they’re going out to specifically seek that kind of interaction, it’s problematic. Are they taking off their rings? I had a friend who was out with a group, without her DH, and a guy she was talking to asked for her number. She gave it to him because she felt like she’d led him on (I know, don’t get me started). She didn’t understand why her DH was upset. They divorced a year later.

If you aren’t looking for it and a little banter and harmless joking happens, I think that’s okay if it doesn’t become a habit.

2 women activity seek the attention. They are always drinking, flirting, dancing, dry humping, exchanging numbers with guys. I think they want to know they still have it and being desired is important to them. I get annoyed going out with them because I feel they are out for attention and not to hang out with friends. I have limited free time and watching them act ridiculous is not how I want to waste my time.

I have other friends who are prettier and more attractive. They get attention too but don’t flirt back.

So don’t go out with them? You sound like a disgruntled male poster who is mad the woman at the bar was married.

I guess for the past decade, I have been in mom mode. I used to work and spend all free time with my kids. I’m only recently going out more with adult friends without the kids. Maybe I’ve just been living in baby/toddler life and this is what other adult women do whether they are moms or not.

No plenty of people don’t do this. My actually single friends are also perfectly capable of hanging out with other women to socialize. Stop going out with these women or at least stop going out with them to bars if you don’t like what they want to do. I can’t judge whether what they’re doing is “right” done that depends on them and their partners but it sounds like it’s not right for you so just skip it.

Op here. I feel like women get closer when they go out and get wasted? I was never a big drinker but I did enjoy going out and partying in college and my 20s. I spent my 30s having 3 kids.

I have friends who are kind of lame, maybe like me? But those same friends either don’t want to go out at all or legitimately want to stay home to do chores and spend time with their families.

It is not so easy to make new friends in your 40s.

[Anonymous]

I’ve never acted “single” when I’ve been out with my GF’s, which is infrequent, and I make a point of mentioning I’m married. I’m happy to engage a guy in a fun or interesting conversation but flirting or leading him on is not going to happen. A woman whose flirting approaches cock teaser level is looking for trouble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if they’re going out to specifically seek that kind of interaction, it’s problematic. Are they taking off their rings? I had a friend who was out with a group, without her DH, and a guy she was talking to asked for her number. She gave it to him because she felt like she’d led him on (I know, don’t get me started). She didn’t understand why her DH was upset. They divorced a year later.

If you aren’t looking for it and a little banter and harmless joking happens, I think that’s okay if it doesn’t become a habit.

2 women activity seek the attention. They are always drinking, flirting, dancing, dry humping, exchanging numbers with guys. I think they want to know they still have it and being desired is important to them. I get annoyed going out with them because I feel they are out for attention and not to hang out with friends. I have limited free time and watching them act ridiculous is not how I want to waste my time.

I have other friends who are prettier and more attractive. They get attention too but don’t flirt back.

So don’t go out with them? You sound like a disgruntled male poster who is mad the woman at the bar was married.

I guess for the past decade, I have been in mom mode. I used to work and spend all free time with my kids. I’m only recently going out more with adult friends without the kids. Maybe I’ve just been living in baby/toddler life and this is what other adult women do whether they are moms or not.

No plenty of people don’t do this. My actually single friends are also perfectly capable of hanging out with other women to socialize. Stop going out with these women or at least stop going out with them to bars if you don’t like what they want to do. I can’t judge whether what they’re doing is “right” done that depends on them and their partners but it sounds like it’s not right for you so just skip it.

Op here. I feel like women get closer when they go out and get wasted? I was never a big drinker but I did enjoy going out and partying in college and my 20s. I spent my 30s having 3 kids.

I have friends who are kind of lame, maybe like me? But those same friends either don’t want to go out at all or legitimately want to stay home to do chores and spend time with their families.

It is not so easy to make new friends in your 40s.

I feel like there's a lot of space between "stay at home with family and do chores" and "go out and get wasted." I make a lot of my adult friends through hobbies so those often form the basis for our getting together to start with, but we also go out for dinner, go to events, just get together and hang out and talk about our lives. What are your hobbies?

[Anonymous]

I’m married in my thirties and would not ever go out with the intention of flirting with guys/acting single. If it happens, it happens, but I don’t think it’s great form to throw yourself - as a married person - all over strangers. It’s disrespectful of your spouse. How would your friends feel if their husbands went out with the express intention of hitting on women? Just weird.

[Anonymous]

Are you okay with your spouse acting single? Do you draw the line at flirting? Is it okay for them to leave the place they met and go to another bar? Hotel room for a night cap? Get their number? Text them next time they’re out without you? Become social media friends?

See how quickly that spiraled? If you respect your marriage/relationship, it’s better not to toe the line.

I travel 3-4 weeks per month for work and have endless opportunities. I’m female working in a male dominated field, like, an average meeting is 9 men and me. I have easy access to men at every conference I attend. I make sure it’s well known I am not available and not participating.

[Anonymous]

If you act single, you want to be single. Anyone who does that should have the guts to be honest with themselves and with their partners and split up. If you are living a lie, it won't end well.

[Anonymous]

This is not morally OK and you know it, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a few married mom friends who love to go out and flirt and get attention from guys. I admit I used to do this in my 20s before I got married with kids. My friends are in their 40s. They love when younger guys flirt with them. I feel too tired to do this and don’t find it fun at all.

How would you feel if your spouse was out and about flirting and acting single?

I know I would be pissed if Dh and his friends went out to bars and clubs trying to pick up girls.

You are talking about two very, very different things.