Do girls with ADHD benefit from being the oldest in their class?

[Anonymous]

My son has ADHD and HFA and we had him repeat first great. It has been easy for him to make and keep friends as he is very innocent and immature. Even now in fourth, other boys are starting the whole tween stuff, and my son is still into playing tag and building Legos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I should have mentioned that my daughter currently attends a Montessori school where she can do her academic work at her own pace, and when moving I would look for another Montessori school or school with a similar approach to kids going as fast or as slowly as they need to. I am well aware that she would be miserable if she weren't academically challenged. The concept of grades doesn't really exist in Montessoris and every class has a huge range of abilities, but with a good teacher, it functions very well. By high school (there aren't many Montessori high schools) I would anticipate she would be in a challenging track at a good public high school, or at a good private school. How many bright kids get bored in either of those? It doesn't seem like it's a big problem at that age.

The neuropsych seemed to think her concept of friendship was really immature for her age, and acted like the fact that she's never really had a "best friend" or huge numbers of playdates was hugely problematic. (I've also never been one to arrange lots of playdates. ) She considered a HFA diagnosis but deferred it because the pandemic has made socializing so strange. So that's mainly why I'm worried about her social skills.

My ADHD daughter, who is now 17, still has never had what I would consider a "best friend". She is social, outgoing, loves to be around people and has lots of friends. She changes friend groups a lot and doesn't seem to form close relationships with any one person. I think she actually prefers it that way, because she just wants to have fun and not put a lot of work into friendships. I don't think this is uncommon in ADHD, especially when they have hyperactive type ADHD. I'm not sure that holding her back would change any of that.