Nervous about seeing relative at wake

[Anonymous]

So sorry that you have this added stress on top of your loss.

Try to think about your dad. His life and your relationship.

Lots of good suggestions given here.

If he starts in, don't get angry, but be tired (which is probably how you will feel) and quietly say "Larlo, not today"...and walk away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to make another suggestion no one here has offered, which is hire a babysitter for your baby and 6 year old and don't have them attend the wake. I don't know if it will be open or closed casket, but it can be weird for kids to see dead bodies. Many kids take it in stride, but some sensitive kids do not. You may not really need your kids there to honor your father -- your infant won't remember it and your 6 year old quite possibly won't either. I remember going to my aunt's wake when I was 9 and it messed me up for a while, couldn't sleep for several nights, just laid awake thinking about death and how at one point I'd be dead too and would stop having a physical existence.

Anyway, you could save your kids from dealing with the wake and save yourself from having to deal with some confrontation with your BIL about your son. Not that your BIL should be confronting you and being a dick. But you could fairly easily mostly avoid most of this problem except direct interaction between you and BIL.

Just wanted to thank you for your advice. I took your advice and went to the wake without my kids and it was the best decision I could have made.

I was able to enjoy talking with visitors who knew my dad and I steered very clear of my BIL.

I really appreciate it! Things could have turned out very differently if I had brought my kids.

[Anonymous]

Bulldoze! Do not acknowledge anything. Be polite, smile and move the F on. Do not engage w/ BIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to make another suggestion no one here has offered, which is hire a babysitter for your baby and 6 year old and don't have them attend the wake. I don't know if it will be open or closed casket, but it can be weird for kids to see dead bodies. Many kids take it in stride, but some sensitive kids do not. You may not really need your kids there to honor your father -- your infant won't remember it and your 6 year old quite possibly won't either. I remember going to my aunt's wake when I was 9 and it messed me up for a while, couldn't sleep for several nights, just laid awake thinking about death and how at one point I'd be dead too and would stop having a physical existence.

Anyway, you could save your kids from dealing with the wake and save yourself from having to deal with some confrontation with your BIL about your son. Not that your BIL should be confronting you and being a dick. But you could fairly easily mostly avoid most of this problem except direct interaction between you and BIL.

Just wanted to thank you for your advice. I took your advice and went to the wake without my kids and it was the best decision I could have made.

I was able to enjoy talking with visitors who knew my dad and I steered very clear of my BIL.

I really appreciate it! Things could have turned out very differently if I had brought my kids.

Great news OP! So glad it worked out!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to make another suggestion no one here has offered, which is hire a babysitter for your baby and 6 year old and don't have them attend the wake. I don't know if it will be open or closed casket, but it can be weird for kids to see dead bodies. Many kids take it in stride, but some sensitive kids do not. You may not really need your kids there to honor your father -- your infant won't remember it and your 6 year old quite possibly won't either. I remember going to my aunt's wake when I was 9 and it messed me up for a while, couldn't sleep for several nights, just laid awake thinking about death and how at one point I'd be dead too and would stop having a physical existence.

Anyway, you could save your kids from dealing with the wake and save yourself from having to deal with some confrontation with your BIL about your son. Not that your BIL should be confronting you and being a dick. But you could fairly easily mostly avoid most of this problem except direct interaction between you and BIL.

Death comes to everyone so no need to hide it from anyone. If anything, you didn’t ask to be born or exist so would not having a physical existence anymore really bother you?

[Anonymous]

Gray Rock. Focus in why you are there, not him. He does not matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gray Rock. Focus in why you are there, not him. He does not matter.

The wake already happened.