Neighbors seem to think I work for them, incredibly rude, I've had it

[Anonymous]

Say, thank you for your feedback. If you’d like us to change companies, please look into it and get us sooner written proposals and then we can discuss it at our next meeting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Say, thank you for your feedback. If you’d like us to change companies, please look into it and get us sooner written proposals and then we can discuss it at our next meeting.

Our DC HOA is incredibly obstinate. You could spoon feed them better options and they wouldn't seriously consider them.

[Anonymous]

I'm on an HOA too, OP, and have been for a decade. I've had similar experiences with new members not understanding what an HOA board does, and treating the President like a super. It's so rude. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.

I agree with the pp who suggested you recruit these homeowners to join the board. Even considering the issue with the treasurer, it will be good for them, and may be good for the community for them to be more actively involved. Maybe the community would be willing to pay for some additional services; and if not, these folks will learn that directly when they propose a budget and fee increases, which no one will agree to adopt. Let them try and get the votes. Just step aside and let them spin out their energy. Sometimes the best thing you can do is give people rope.

In the meantime, I agree with others who have suggested establishing firmer boundaries. I would come right out and remind them that you are a volunteer, not their super, and that they are welcome to express any concerns or bring new ideas to the HOA at the regular HOA meetings. Don't respond to any message from them that's not a genuine emergency.

You also need to get some additional board members on board asap. January is way too far away. Don't you have rules in your by-laws for filling vacancies?

[Anonymous]

Sorry that you feel pestered Op, but who else would/should they complain to? They are new.

[Anonymous]

OP I'd hand over the position to them so fast and let them deal with it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I'd hand over the position to them so fast and let them deal with it all.

Are you confident that you're making the best decisions? Just because no one else is doing it doesn't mean that you're doing a great job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone comes to you with an issue, thank them for volunteering to lead up the subcommittee looking into the issue. It is after all a community organization of volunteers and it takes a village. Ask them to create a draft report to present to you, and you will consider offering it at the next meeting. Most won't follow through. If they do, return the draft to them with a ton of follow up questions, and ask for an accounting of what this and that will cost.

This, this, this.

"This isn't on our agenda right now, and our contract isn't up until next June but if you would like to take for action looking into the cost of a new landscaping company next spring, I will email you the list of what ours currently does and you can call a few to get competitive quotes."
"Great timing, our waste management contract is up for renewal next month - if you could please contact 3-4 other waste management companies in the area to get quotes plus call their references, that would be very helpful."

That should shut them right up.

[Anonymous]

The next time they complain, you need to flat out tell them that this is an issue to bring up at the next board meeting, and by the way, since they have so many great ideas, you are going to nominate them for an open board seat, which should be great preparation for president the following year since you are planning on resigning to concentrate more on your job and family.

[Anonymous]

You should create a FAQ sheet in new homowner docs.

How does the HOA work?

UNPAID
VOLUNTEER
Dos and Don'ts - DO volunteer for the HOA, do NOT text the HOA members about your blah blah blah
Do thank your HOA members
Do NOT annoy them so that the quit ha ha (but srsly)

etc

[Anonymous]

OP, before you give this position up as a result of this ... set boundaries. The skill just may help you in other areas of your life. It's never too late to tweak this skill. What would work? You call them back later, or email or whatever. You contact them only 2x a month - cluster their complaints into one response. You never speak to them directly, tell them to contact you another way. They take up more of you time than others do --- you don't need to give them -more- of your time than you do others. They just have to wait. Maybe they will cool off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can manage this, OP. You just need to be clear about setting boundaries.

Them: Hey, we’re not happy with how the grass is being cared for. Something needs to be done.
You: That would be something to discuss at the next HOA meeting on Sept 6.
Them: Sure. But this is really annoying. Can you get the guy to cut the grass better?
You: Again, this sounds like something to discuss at the HOA meeting on Sept 6. I’ve got to run now.

Don’t get mad. Just keep repeating where they can park their complaints and exit the conversation. Practice your response and say it every single time whether they email, call or stop you in person. I do this for an annoying colleague at work that just wants to process everything (non-urgent) on the go. I simply refer her to the scheduled meeting. Once I figured that out, my stress level and annoyance dropped dramatically.

I know you are right. I think the mistake I made was in being more willing to answer questions and respond to things when they first moved in because I wanted them to feel welcome. I guess I got lazy about this because I've never had a neighbor who would have take advantage. But you're right, I need to just set clear boundaries.

Ironically, when we had our last meeting, I circulated an agenda and asked if anyone had any other items to add, and they said nothing, and then didn't even speak at the meeting. And literally the next day were texting me about some issue with the trash cans. It's really like they think I'm their personal neighborhood concierge. Some people are so weird.

But I'm going to try your trick, thanks.

It is never too late to set boundaries.

Your stock answer to such issues should be that this is an issue for the board to discuss. You will be glad to add this to the agenda for the next board meeting, but they should be there for the discussion and should be prepared to present the idea to the board for consideration.

If they show up, when you get to the agenda item, you announce "The next item is XYZ and was suggested by Gladys and Abner Kravitz. Gladys and Abner, why don't you give your thoughts on this issue" Put them on the spot and have them present their idea to the HOA board. If they are not willing to say anything say that you'll table the discussion until next meeting in case anyone else has any thoughts on the topic. The second time it comes up you say that since no one has had any thoughts on the topic in two meetings, that you're going to remove the issue from the agenda until someone does have something to add, then you'll add it back to the agenda.

When they approach you outside of the board meetings, essentially let them know that you are NOT the super, but that you are the president of the HOA board. That you will be glad to bring topics to the floor at meetings, but that you don't deal with any issue that has not been addressed by the board and you don't do any actions unless they are approved, sanctioned and requested by the board. So, dealing with contractors after the board had decided that you will be doing A and B work, is in your purview, but doing what is asked by a homeowner without discussing it with the board is outside your purview as president of the board. Also let them know that if they aren't prepared to present their topic to the board for discussion, you are not going to do that either. They can speak up or shut up.

You need to set up boundaries and enforce them so that you are not their doormat.

[Anonymous]

If they are first time homeowners, they really might think you are like a property manager. Really. They might need some explicit coaching to understand that the HOA is all the homeowners, collectively.

[Anonymous]

+100 on redirecting them and managing their expectations.

If they are first time homeowners they really might not know you are a volunteer and how the HOA works.
Spell it out for them - let them know you are a volunteer and do this in your “spare” time out of the goodness of your heart. I served on a condo board for 4 years and agree that it is a truly thankless job.

Also continue to let them know that any issues, feedback, etc should be brought to the meeting. If they email you, a few days later you can respond to let them know that their item is on the agenda for the next HOA meeting (or they can bring it up at the next meeting). See if they show for the meeting and actually say anything. If anything actually needs follow-up from their item immediately assign them. “I don’t have the bandwidth to follow-up on this, Larlo & Larla can you…”

Also as others have said - you need to try to fill the other board positions. Clearly you could use some more help and it sounds like your in really danger of losing your treasurer soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the president of my HOA and have been for the last 8 years. I would have given the position up years ago but no one else wants it. It's a pain sometimes dealing with our service vendors but at this point I can figure that stuff out pretty easily. Dealing with people in the neighborhood has been easy though -- I don't know if we've just been lucky with chill owners or if I'm good at people management (maybe a little of both) but we've never had any major issues.

But we have new neighbors who are terrible! At first I thought it was just a combination of being super enthusiastic and a little nervous about first time home ownership. They were at least very friendly at first. But this has soured over the last few months. They are incredibly demanding, complain about everything (trash pick up, landscaping, parking, you name it). They constantly want to add services to the neighborhood and get angry when people resist because (1) we've never needed that in the past, and (2) our HOA fees are pretty low and we like it that way. We pay for all necessary maintenance so the subdivision looks decent and all services are covered, but we don't spring for a lot of extras. People would rather invest that money into their own homes (and mostly do -- the houses here are very well maintained) and it helps with resale to not have a hefty HOA fee.

The biggest things is that when they come to me with these complaints, it's never "Hey, we noticed this issue and thought you might have more information" or "is this something we can raise at the next HOA meeting." They talk to me like I am their building super and need to respond to their concerns immediately. This is an unpaid position! I mostly do it because we, too, want the neighborhood to look and function well to protect our own investment. In the past people have always been nice about the fact that I handle this stuff and even grateful because they recognize if I didn't do it, one of them would. The new folks don't seem to get this.

I'm mostly just posting this here to vent, but I guess also to say: if you move into a new HOA, maybe lay low for 6 months or so and see how things operate, rather than jumping in to order people around right away. And also, be nice to the volunteers who run the HOA and do things like make sure your trash and recycling get picked up and the street gets plowed and gets trees trimmed off the street, etc. It's a kind of thankless job and most of us actually also have day jobs, plus kids. Say please and thank you and try to be polite and not demanding.

I think I'm probably going to give this position up as a result of this. It's not worth it! Let someone else deal with it. Heck, let the new folks do it for a year and see if they like being texted/emailed every day with random complaints about everything under the sun!

I would consider it volunteer work, it benefits everyone. Just keep clear communication. If you want it done right, its better to do it yourself as not everyone has these leadership and management skills.

[Anonymous]

We have a managing agent and our policy is you only talk to managing agent. No talking directly to board members.

I get them to filter out nonsense and only give me “actionable items”

No owner has my phone number or email.