City vs. Suburbs - argh!

[Anonymous]

Living the city sucks. I've lived in them my whole live NYC and DC I'm trying to get out now. It's too much. I'm getting older, enoughs, enough. People are leaving in droves for a reason....

[Anonymous]

Which decision is best for your kids, OP? Maybe your kids would be happier outside of the city, and having happy kids is the main goal. Move back to the city when they are grown. They are only little once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:City kids and suburban kids live different lifestyles. Most suburban NYC high schools seem to really emphasize sports. If your kid is a great athlete, that's a good thing. Overall, you're going to find better facilities and more free opportunities in the suburbs than in City schools. It also tends to be the athletes who get into top colleges, at least if you have no other hooks like URM, legacy, potential big donor parents, etc.

There are sports teams in City high schools--especially if your kids are at private schools-- but jocks aren't at the top of the social pyramid. Lots of kids are into performing and visual arts, and more academic/intellectual activities, e.g., chess. Those things also exist at some suburban schools, but they just don't have the social cache sports do at most schools. In the City, sports aren't valued more than the other stuff---in fact, at many City schools they are valued less.

City kids also can get around on their own or with a small group of friends from an earlier age. Drinking and driving during the teenage years are a non-issue in the City. And if your kid does go to a party or other get-together where things get out of control, it's easy to get out of a bad situation by going to the nearest subway or calling Uber or Lyft. There's no need to call for a parent and wait.

Also, don't assume you have to send your kids to private schools. One thing Adams has backed off from is shutting down the gifted and talented programs in public schools. There are good public schools in the City. If your kids are lucky enough to get into the Anderson Program, Hunter Elementary, NEST+m etc. there's no need to go to private school. Lots of local public schools, especially those with gifted and talented, are just fine too. For high school, personally I think that if you've got a smart kid who can get into either one of the test in schools like Bronx Science, Brooklyn Tech, Hunter, Staten Island Tech, Stuy, etc. or one of the top schools using different admissions criteria, like Bard Early College, Townsend Harris, etc. there's no need for private school.

Plus, should the social scene at your kids' schools be less than ideal for them, it's really easy to participate in other ECs and make friends through them. It is my impression--it may vary by suburb--that many more suburban kids lead social lives limited to other kids who attend the same school. The exception seems to be athletes who may become close with other members of their traveling teams. City kids tend to know more kids who attend other schools, either through the neighborhood, participation in a religious congregation, or ECs that involve kids from many schools, e.g., TADA!.

It's a personal/family choice. If I'd had a kid who was a terrific athlete, I think suburbia might have been a better choice. But for a kid whose strengths were in other areas, I don't.

I grew up on Long Island and have at least a dozen cousins going through various school districts in Nassau and Suffolk and have not found the sport thing to be true. Academics and music are bigger than sports in most school districts. Intel science fairs/ competitions, NYSMA, etc. That was the focus when I was a kid, and seems to be the focus of my cousins now, along with community fund raising and school plays. Basketball is bigger than football, but people aren't really into it in a big way. Nobody knows who the cheerleaders are, nobody goes to games unless they're playing in them, etc.

lol maybe in great neck or jericho

[Anonymous]

I prefer living in the city without kids but prefer the burbs now that I have them. Most of the things I liked doing pre kids aren’t exactly kid friendly and they are happier taking a short quiet stroll and playing at the neighborhood park than waiting in crowds and lines all the time. My kids are young; 3 and 5. I think they would actually enjoy the restaurants, museums, etc in the city when they are older but, for now, they don’t care about that stuff.

[Anonymous]

When you raise kids in the city, there is so much you have to explain/discuss when they are so little (homeless people, which leads to addiction and mental illness; crime). I have lived in NYC and the NY suburbs, I would DEFINITELY raise my kid in a place that is safe and "normal" (meaning they don't have a doorman and can attend public school on a bus, drive to the grocery store and have a decent life without being a millionaire). You can still take them into the city for museums and great restaurants, but they don't need to live in a bustling metropolis when they are tiny and weak. Just let them run on the lawn under the sprinkler, with barefeet. Ride a bike safely, drive with you instead of a cab driver. I just think the suburbs are a healthier environment for little humans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We stayed. I don't like driving. My husband was not interested in maintaining a lawn. I would have liked more space, but I prefer this lifestyle. Now that my kids are in middle school and high school, they travel to school, to sports and to meet up with friends on their own.

And I bet they are growing up pretty damn fast, when it comes to sex and drugs.

[Anonymous]

Hate driving and hate yard work. Choice was easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you raise kids in the city, there is so much you have to explain/discuss when they are so little (homeless people, which leads to addiction and mental illness; crime). I have lived in NYC and the NY suburbs, I would DEFINITELY raise my kid in a place that is safe and "normal" (meaning they don't have a doorman and can attend public school on a bus, drive to the grocery store and have a decent life without being a millionaire). You can still take them into the city for museums and great restaurants, but they don't need to live in a bustling metropolis when they are tiny and weak. Just let them run on the lawn under the sprinkler, with barefeet. Ride a bike safely, drive with you instead of a cab driver. I just think the suburbs are a healthier environment for little humans.

This is true. I lived in the suburbs of NYC until I was 14 and then we moved in Manhattan. My parents still live there. One time, when we were visiting them, I was sitting with my daughter (who was then 4) at one of the outdoor tables at the Joe’s Pizza location next to Union Square. There was a homeless man who was clearly mentally ill walking around the sidewalk. I normally wouldn’t have minded, but he looked straight at my daughter and said “that’s a terrible kid. A terrible kid!” She started to cry. We moved inside and I explained to her that he didn’t mean it, and that he isn’t healthy in his brain. It did remind me that I’m glad we’re raising her in the suburbs. There’s a time to teach kids about how to handle aggressive, mentally ill people, but I don’t feel like I need to be doing that while I’m having lunch with my 4 year old.

[Anonymous]

Too many people don’t know when the dance is over and it’s time to leave.

All too often a lot of transplant overspend their time in nyc. Frankly, if you’re not affluent in terms of networks — NOT income, it’s time to gtfo of nyc.

The nyc privates are a beast and for the very very wealthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Too many people don’t know when the dance is over and it’s time to leave.

All too often a lot of transplant overspend their time in nyc. Frankly, if you’re not affluent in terms of networks — NOT income, it’s time to gtfo of nyc.

The nyc privates are a beast and for the very very wealthy.

I meant networth**

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We stayed. I don't like driving. My husband was not interested in maintaining a lawn. I would have liked more space, but I prefer this lifestyle. Now that my kids are in middle school and high school, they travel to school, to sports and to meet up with friends on their own.

And I bet they are growing up pretty damn fast, when it comes to sex and drugs.

ROFLMAO. Sorry to use that old expression, but this is me and no, my kids aren't growing up fast. I went to boarding school, so I am familiar with that situation and am on the lookout for it. Not every kid is like that here, thankfully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you raise kids in the city, there is so much you have to explain/discuss when they are so little (homeless people, which leads to addiction and mental illness; crime). I have lived in NYC and the NY suburbs, I would DEFINITELY raise my kid in a place that is safe and "normal" (meaning they don't have a doorman and can attend public school on a bus, drive to the grocery store and have a decent life without being a millionaire). You can still take them into the city for museums and great restaurants, but they don't need to live in a bustling metropolis when they are tiny and weak. Just let them run on the lawn under the sprinkler, with barefeet. Ride a bike safely, drive with you instead of a cab driver. I just think the suburbs are a healthier environment for little humans.

For that and countless other reasons, I find city kids to be way savvier and worldlier. For better or worse. Drivong to the grocery store is overrated; walking to a good neoghborhood store like Trader Joe's or Whole Foods is better, imo.

[Anonymous]

Everyone idealizes NYC. It is fabulous but Let’s be honest, your 3 and 5 year old don’t give two craps about visiting museums. Chances are you will do that one every 3 month and you can just drive in from the suburbs. Also, unless you have a driver and are really wealthy, normal living is a slog (everything takes longer and is effort!) Get a big house with a big yard, have your kids sign up for sports and form a community in the burbs. No brainer!

[Anonymous]

NYC is over. The bloom is off the rose. I’d sell while you still can.

[Anonymous]

Move out when they are 1-12, you can move
Back after that.