Realistic expectations for large family gatherings per year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband needs to shut it down, and you need to tell your ILs once, if they do it when you're not around, that you don't have enough leave to spend it all with them. And if they bring it up again, say, "I told you I have limited leave, and it's surprising to me that you aren't putting any sort of effort into making the part I spend with you as enjoyable as possible."

If they do it when *he's* not around

[Anonymous]

What does your husband say? Usually this is where the real problem lies, if the spouse WANTS to go that much, or else feels to guilty to tell his mom "no."

[Anonymous]

Another bash the in law thread. So tiresome. I find it really hard to believe that the in laws here cannot understand that OP, having started a new job, has very limited leave.

Stop turning your in laws into monsters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another bash the in law thread. So tiresome. I find it really hard to believe that the in laws here cannot understand that OP, having started a new job, has very limited leave.

Stop turning your in laws into monsters.

Not OP, but it's not about ILs being monsters, it's about them being clueless. It was sweet that my ILs wanted to spend more time with me, but they really could not grasp that I couldn't leave work for a 3-hour lunch or that I didn't have enough leave to join them for a week of their 3-week sojourn in Florida every January. The more they pushed, the more I felt as though they didn't think my job mattered. And that made me much less interested in spending time with them, even if I could have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your in-laws? Go for 2 of the 5 days; let your spouse stay with the kids for the balance of the time.

I just started a new job and literally had no time off. My husband and my kid went to the family Christmas shindig vacay and I stayed home. If you don't have the leave, you don't have the leave. End of story.

I know it’s too late for you, but I am posting this for others. If you have work experience and are taking a new job, it is totally a *thing* to negotiate additional vacation that you would have gotten if you had worked there the whole time. So if you had 5 years’ experience and they offer 5 weeks for people at their firm who have five year’s experience, then you should, as a part of your offer, ask and expect to get 5 weeks vacation. 13 days for an experienced professional is not okay.

That being said, even if you get 5 weeks, you do not have to spend 6-10 of those days with your in laws.