Hope after divorce

[Anonymous]

My wife quit after 20 years. TBH it was obvious that she didn't like me; often she'd look right through me, or wouldn't even look up from her phone when I came home.

It was brutal. But I rebuilt, and now am in a wonderful relationship. Not remarried, but I'm open to seeing where it goes.

Life evolves. It's far from over with a divorce.

But the one thing I'd offer is I don't think you'll do yourself any favors by holding out marriage as a goal. I's suggest the things you describe as liking in being married ought to be the goal, and if it happens that the person you build this with is a fan of marriage so be it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d like to remarry one day,

Why? If you don't want to have more kids, what's the point?

Why does marriage only have to be for having kids? It's not 1950, we can have sex outside of marriage now.

Yes, you don't need marriage for sex, either, so marriage is even more pointless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I’m 40. I want to remarry because I enjoy the companionship and stability that a good marriage can provide. I enjoy doing family activities, etc.

I don't see why marriage is necessary for companionship and stability, either.

If you're divorced, you already know that marriage does not guarantee stability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. I am divorced with kids. I also thought I wanted to be remarried for the reasons you cite. I have been in a long term relationship with a fantastic man who also has kids. We don't live together. While we do 'family things' all together, we maintain our own homes and care for our own families and make time for our relationship without the pressures of "family blending'. It's incredibly freeing to feel that connection but still be solo. So yes, there is hope. You'll be ok alone. Remarriage is not the answer always.

DP. But it's also ok to want to be in the same space, to have that family unit that was lost in the divorce. I do think blended families are a different situation, but I WANT to share a home with a new partner one day.

DP. You'll never have back the family unit that was lost in divorce. You may only get a different unit, and it's important to remember that.

To the OP, I remarried at 35 when my kids were 6 and 8, and then I had another baby at 40. I am 49 now, still married to my second husband, and this marriage us much better than my first. This is a first marriage for my husband, so I don't have to deal with any blended family issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I’m 40. I want to remarry because I enjoy the companionship and stability that a good marriage can provide. I enjoy doing family activities, etc.

Hi OP. You can do all those things without being married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d like to remarry one day,

Why? If you don't want to have more kids, what's the point?

Why does marriage only have to be for having kids? It's not 1950, we can have sex outside of marriage now.

Yes, you don't need marriage for sex, either, so marriage is even more pointless.

Then don't get married. OP wants to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I’m 40. I want to remarry because I enjoy the companionship and stability that a good marriage can provide. I enjoy doing family activities, etc.

Hi OP. You can do all those things without being married.

Just like that one PP wrote about. You need to think about life a bit differently post divorce. You may remarry but you may also find happiness a bit differently. And it's OK!!!! I am here to tell you that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d like to remarry one day,

Why? If you don't want to have more kids, what's the point?

Why does marriage only have to be for having kids? It's not 1950, we can have sex outside of marriage now.

Precisely because you can have sex outside of marriage. There is no point in doing it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d like to remarry one day,

Why? If you don't want to have more kids, what's the point?

Why does marriage only have to be for having kids? It's not 1950, we can have sex outside of marriage now.

Yes, you don't need marriage for sex, either, so marriage is even more pointless.

Then don't get married. OP wants to.

OP needs to think more carefully about why she wants to.

[Anonymous]

I'm a divorced empty nester and I don't want to get remarried. I love the house I had built and being able to do what I want. Dating is great but I don't need to live with someone. Plus it's keeps the relationship fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d like to remarry one day,

Why? If you don't want to have more kids, what's the point?

Why does marriage only have to be for having kids? It's not 1950, we can have sex outside of marriage now.

Yes, you don't need marriage for sex, either, so marriage is even more pointless.

Then don't get married. OP wants to.

OP needs to think more carefully about why she wants to.

She doesn't need anyone to tell her this, she's a grown woman and has been married before. I feel like there is nothing anyone can say to you to convince you marriage after divorce and kids is OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a divorced empty nester and I don't want to get remarried. I love the house I had built and being able to do what I want. Dating is great but I don't need to live with someone. Plus it's keeps the relationship fun.

Exactly this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d like to remarry one day,

Why? If you don't want to have more kids, what's the point?

Why does marriage only have to be for having kids? It's not 1950, we can have sex outside of marriage now.

Yes, you don't need marriage for sex, either, so marriage is even more pointless.

Then don't get married. OP wants to.

OP needs to think more carefully about why she wants to.

She doesn't need anyone to tell her this, she's a grown woman and has been married before. I feel like there is nothing anyone can say to you to convince you marriage after divorce and kids is OK.

Marriage after divorce is fine. But I think it sounds like OP is trying to recreate something dangerously too close to a failed marriage without much thought to her child. Why can't we help by showing her that there is hope after divorce but that it may not look like another marriage???

[Anonymous]

OP here. It’s really offensive that I haven’t given thought to my child simply because I want to remarry. My child is very vocal about wanting me to remarry. I know I personally benefited greatly from having a step parent, though I know not all situations like this are great. I want to be able to model a happy healthy marriage for my child, that is an enormous gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d like to remarry one day,

Why? If you don't want to have more kids, what's the point?

Why does marriage only have to be for having kids? It's not 1950, we can have sex outside of marriage now.

Yes, you don't need marriage for sex, either, so marriage is even more pointless.

Then don't get married. OP wants to.

OP needs to think more carefully about why she wants to.

She doesn't need anyone to tell her this, she's a grown woman and has been married before. I feel like there is nothing anyone can say to you to convince you marriage after divorce and kids is OK.

Marriage after divorce is fine. But I think it sounds like OP is trying to recreate something dangerously too close to a failed marriage without much thought to her child. Why can't we help by showing her that there is hope after divorce but that it may not look like another marriage???

Uh where did OP say that? Is no one allowed to remarry if they have an 8 year old?