If you felt there isn't an equal balance in their relationship

[Anonymous]

OP has said they are NOT married. Does your child have friends that they socialize with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps your child simply doesn't want to visit with you and uses their fiance as an excuse.

A. Kid is very loving and clearly enjoys visiting.

Perhaps your child has no career aims and is happy to not have a career while they support their spouse.

A. Kid is a high achiever and got a high salary job right after graduation last year.

Perhaps the fiancee is a manipulative and abusive jerk who is keeping your child away from you.

A. No. We haven't met more than a couple of times but he seems nice and decent, just prioritizing their personal needs.

It could be anything. If you must say something, I would stick to questions about their happiness.

A. My kid seems happy but compromising their self interests for mutual interest and covering for partner's shortcomings.

I am not trying to be a jerk, but it is your kid's life to live. Your had your chance to instill the values of self-reliance, independence, professional and civic ambition, and familial values was primarily through adolescence.

You say that your child is an ambitious high earner but is placing their career on the backburner to follow their spouse. I don't see how this is any different from the thousands of DCUMs out there who have made the same choice, albeit this typically happens later when children come along.

BTW, monthly visits are a lot. I only visited my parents quarterly as a young adult. Perhaps your child is looking for a change geographically and could use some distance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP has said they are NOT married. Does your child have friends that they socialize with?

They do have common friends and though I've not talked to any about this, she says everyone likes him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps your child simply doesn't want to visit with you and uses their fiance as an excuse.

A. Kid is very loving and clearly enjoys visiting.

Perhaps your child has no career aims and is happy to not have a career while they support their spouse.

A. Kid is a high achiever and got a high salary job right after graduation last year.

Perhaps the fiancee is a manipulative and abusive jerk who is keeping your child away from you.

A. No. We haven't met more than a couple of times but he seems nice and decent, just prioritizing their personal needs.

It could be anything. If you must say something, I would stick to questions about their happiness.

A. My kid seems happy but compromising their self interests for mutual interest and covering for partner's shortcomings.

I am not trying to be a jerk, but it is your kid's life to live. Your had your chance to instill the values of self-reliance, independence, professional and civic ambition, and familial values was primarily through adolescence.

You say that your child is an ambitious high earner but is placing their career on the backburner to follow their spouse. I don't see how this is any different from the thousands of DCUMs out there who have made the same choice, albeit this typically happens later when children come along.

BTW, monthly visits are a lot. I only visited my parents quarterly as a young adult. Perhaps your child is looking for a change geographically and could use some distance.

I do trust her judgment but also know her habit to put needs of others ahead of her own needs. As far as frequency of visits, she has other friends and family here and many visits are to attend events with them even though she stays at home.

[Anonymous]

We are used to protecting from day one but they can protect themselves once they are grown ups. We cant always be here to do that. Everyone has to carry their own cross.