What's the extent of your relationship with your adult children's significant others?

[Anonymous]

Adult son and GF plan to move in together once he finishes grad school. We follow their lead - she is always welcome and we see them a few times a year but not every time he comes home. She followed me in social media first and I followed back. I gave her a small Christmas present and she gave me nothing which was fine but besides that I let them determine the rules in most cases. He asked us if she could join us on a family vacation this summer and we are excited to have her. Baby steps….I think she’s the one but my role is just to be nice and welcoming and support whichever direction it goes.

[Anonymous]

My sons gf is icy to me so I give her gobs of space but invite to everything and don’t take it personal if she declines. What does bother me is that my son gets an invitation for her family’s vacation , but nothing on the holidays. I mentioned it once to him but left it alone after that. What is that ? She is from the south so I thought her folks would be more hospitable, but I was wrong. Doesn’t stop me from being hospitable though to her. I also went through two traumatic situations this year and no mention from her at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sons gf is icy to me so I give her gobs of space but invite to everything and don’t take it personal if she declines. What does bother me is that my son gets an invitation for her family’s vacation , but nothing on the holidays. I mentioned it once to him but left it alone after that. What is that ? She is from the south so I thought her folks would be more hospitable, but I was wrong. Doesn’t stop me from being hospitable though to her. I also went through two traumatic situations this year and no mention from her at all.

May be they don't want to create a conflict by inviting him for holidays?

[Anonymous]

Most young women want to keep their distance from MIL. To be fair, historically and statistically, MIL have a terrible track record.

[Anonymous]

OP here
Thank heavens I have a daughter as well, which lessens my frustration in having a close relationship with my sons GF. I simply want him to be happy and welcome in his GF family, so the GF family being non reciprocal makes me sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here
Thank heavens I have a daughter as well, which lessens my frustration in having a close relationship with my sons GF. I simply want him to be happy and welcome in his GF family, so the GF family being non reciprocal makes me sad.

Its more important for two of them to be happy with each other than their families. If its matter to them, they'll find a way to get more or less involved with one or the other or both families. You need to offer what you can and avoid judging or criticizing her family.