What's the extent of your relationship with your adult children's significant others?
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Anonymous
| If they aren't married but definitely THE ONE, what's the extent of your interaction with them? Do you invite them on family vacations? Are they part of holidays? Are you friends with their parents? Do you send them gifts? Do you feel the love for them like you feel for your own children? |
Anonymous
| Back off until engaged. Let them decide if they want to ask on family vacations. Gifts, if you spend holidays or birthdays with them. Don’t be over anxious! Follow your child’s lead, you are not part of the equation. |
Anonymous
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We invite (but don't expect) my DS1's live-in girlfriend to all family gatherings, including vacations. This summer we are paying for both of them to join us on vacation. They live locally and DS drops by frequently, sometimes with girlfriend, sometimes without. Sometimes she comes for holidays but not always. This year, she traveled to visit a friend for Thanksgiving (DS was with us), and went home to see her parents for Christmas. DS went with her for Christmas, but then they both joined us for several days after Christmas at my parents' vacation home. I appreciate how willing she is to spend time with us and always try to make it clear that she is always welcome but we have no expectations.
I do buy her birthday and christmas gifts, but so far fewer than I buy my own children. This will change over time--assuming they stay together (they are still pretty young), I will start to even things out. I have never met her parents, but did exchange holiday cards with them this year. I am extremely fond of her and hope she and my son stay together (they seem really good together), but I will never love anyone like I love my own children. |
Anonymous
| I think they make their own place if they are around for long. Its hard not to love people your children love or who love them. As far as vacations, holidays and gifts, you follow your child's lead, whatever they suggest as they know the other person best. |
Anonymous
| Always keep in mind that they may end up having a say in your care in your old age so be nice to them. |
Anonymous
LOL it totally depends on the personality of the SO, doesn't it? |
Anonymous
| Be good and genuine. They'll respect you. |
Anonymous
I am welcoming to them and have few expectations whether they are male or female. My contact is primarily with my kids with the exception of a few group chats regarding specific topics. We don't take family vacations but make sure my kids know their SOs are welcome when we do family activities in the area. I do not send gifts and but have provided small gifts for holidays. They've not spent Christmas with us so it hasn't been an issue. I've met the parents a couple of times, like them, am happy to see them, they are nice people but we're not friends nor do I expect to be. No, I don't love them like my own kids and doubt I ever will but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate having them in my kids' lives and in mine. I let them determine how close of relationship they want with me. |
Anonymous
| If other person doesn't care then you can't do much. |
Anonymous
Yes. One can be a sweetheart and other ice queen so be mindful of how much space they need. |
Anonymous
| It depends on their age and seriousness of the relationship. At 16, be nice, at 25, be nicer and at 35, keep a mother of the bride/groom dress in your favorite store's shopping cart, you dont want them ending up alone after you die. |
Anonymous
And the same thing once they're married. Three of our kids are. One has a spouse who is basically another one of our kids; the other has a spouse who is somewhere in the middle; the third has a spouse who is perfectly fine and in fact prefers having nothing to do with us. We don't care at all and don't take it personally, because that's just the way they are. All we care about is whether they're good to our kid, and all three spouses are. That's the key. So, yea, we invite them to holidays and vacations and aren't offended when they say no. We absolutely send gifts to all. And we're friendly with but not friends with any of the parents. |
Anonymous
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My daughter and her partner have a son together and have lived together for 3 years and we treat him like family and refer to him as our sil. We gift him just like we do our daughters and invite him on all outings. He's not close with his family so he is with us for every holiday and event.
When my husband had surgery not only were my daughters calling me for updates but so was he. |
Anonymous
| Why would you leave their partner out of family gatherings just because they aren't married? That's rude. |
Anonymous
We text sometimes and tag each other on social media for things we think the other would enjoy. No family vacations recently (Covid). They are part of holidays. We are friendly with their parents and see them at events where both kids are present. We do send them gifts. We love them but not like our own children. (Is that even possible?) |