Do you feel judged as a mother?

[Anonymous]

I feel it mildly in person, but I don't judge much because there are mostly great parents here. In other communities I often judge the extreme manner type parenting (excuse yourself from table, use mam/sir). Those stiff ready to explode types make me sad for the kids. I do judge marriages. Mine is not perfect but I see too many relationships filled with nagging and belittling abuse. People need to treat their kids and spouse with love.

[Anonymous]

A nanny yelled at me in a music class for talking yesterday. She said I was disturbing her kid and ignoring my own.

Yeah, I was judged and judged harshly and it hurt.

[Anonymous]

Yes, one of our au pairs judged us. We have one easy kid and one who likes to challenge authority (within age-appropriate range of behavior). The au pair confessed that sometimes she wished we'd spanked the not-so-easy kid to make her job easier. We worked really hard to create a calm home environment and teach our kids to be kind and generous, but she said we were too calm and sometimes she wished we'd just spank our kid and get it over with.

Just typing this out makes my heart hurt. Thankfully she didn't last long and we've since had much better experience with subsequent au pairs. But yeah, it's a special pill to swallow to be judged by a young childless person who's never had much life experience, who should not have been working with children to begin with.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand this notion that we we shouldn’t judge.

[Anonymous]

Yes but I don't take it personally.

It is usually from the parents who have easy children. They have no idea what it is like "on the other side."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, one of our au pairs judged us. We have one easy kid and one who likes to challenge authority (within age-appropriate range of behavior). The au pair confessed that sometimes she wished we'd spanked the not-so-easy kid to make her job easier. We worked really hard to create a calm home environment and teach our kids to be kind and generous, but she said we were too calm and sometimes she wished we'd just spank our kid and get it over with.

Just typing this out makes my heart hurt. Thankfully she didn't last long and we've since had much better experience with subsequent au pairs. But yeah, it's a special pill to swallow to be judged by a young childless person who's never had much life experience, who should not have been working with children to begin with.

Don't you judge that au pair for thinking violence is the answer?

[Anonymous]

No. Actually the opposite. Both my mom and my MIL tell me I’m doing a great job pretty often and say they’re proud of me.

[Anonymous]

Not really. I am sure people have judged me but mostly people don’t directly to my face. And I think I am a pretty good mother. So I do really concern myself with the opinions of people I don’t really know n

[Anonymous]

One of kids is 2e (learning disabled and gifted), with medical diagnoses, so I get the judgement from all sides, OP. We push academics because that what he's good at, we didn't enroll him in team sports because he was miserably bad at them and hated it, he has all kinds of medical issues as well... we do the opposite of what most American parents dream for their kids.
My friend's husband thinks we're nuts for medicating his severe ADHD, because "boys will be boys" and ADHD doesn't exist, others think that with his issues we should just be happy he's mainstreamed (and fail to grasp that rigorous academics are his ticket to financial independence), and still others think we should force him into sports because "it will teach him so much" (yeah no, we tried that and it didn't - after PT we did gym and ballet instead). And we don't share his medical issues with anyone, because that's a whole other can of worms and they're really hard to address.

So we socialize with people who are supportive, or at least keep their opinions to themselves.

[Anonymous]

Well, you should feel judged because you are being judged. Whether or not you let it bother you is the question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope, but I’m busy living my life and not worrying what others who are observing it are thinking.

This. Other people’s opinion means nothing to me. Not bothered in the least.

I don’t believe either of you.

But I don't care. See how that works? I care what I think, my husband thinks, our kids doctor thinks, and their teachers. That's about it.

[Anonymous]

I’m sure people are judging me. I just don’t particularly care what they think. I’m very comfortable with my life choices which are often different than what is expected of a mom. My mothering style is more paternal than maternal — if you think about the stereotypes.

[Anonymous]

Yes but I don't care so... That's the beauty of age. You just don't care what people think about you.

[Anonymous]

No, I actually don’t feel judged. I’m kind of in the middle on most judged topics. I have an educated nanny but work a flexible job from home so I’m with nanny and my kids for milestones, events, cuddles, and meals. I easily breastfed both kids with no need for bottles. My kids are bright and well behaved in public (not always in private!). And no one sees what a crap sleeper my youngest is. Older DS is in a preschool not daycare. We easily limit screens and are consistent because we have nanny and DH is involved and I don’t need the break. We’re totally moderate when it comes to food.

We generally don’t do anything typically judge-able, I don’t think.

I try to never judge other mothers because I know how lucky I am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, I actually don’t feel judged. I’m kind of in the middle on most judged topics. I have an educated nanny but work a flexible job from home so I’m with nanny and my kids for milestones, events, cuddles, and meals. I easily breastfed both kids with no need for bottles. My kids are bright and well behaved in public (not always in private!). And no one sees what a crap sleeper my youngest is. Older DS is in a preschool not daycare. We easily limit screens and are consistent because we have nanny and DH is involved and I don’t need the break. We’re totally moderate when it comes to food.

We generally don’t do anything typically judge-able, I don’t think.

I try to never judge other mothers because I know how lucky I am.

Same. If you sort of straddle all parenting choices; have cute, well-behaved kids; and don’t pontificate on your parenting views, most people don’t judge you.