Birthday gift too expensive for girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

OP here. We’re very serious and very much in love. We’re both in our thirties and already having serious discussions about the future. I don’t see us breaking up, but if we do, I wouldn’t care about the money loss.

She goes there and gets its every 3 months or so. I often give her a mass at least once a week or rub her feet. I think she would she would love being able to get a massage twice a month. This place also has multiple massage therapists and different massages that you can switch up at each visit. I just don’t know if a gift like this ( she will know the price) is too much for being together for six months. I wouldn’t question it if it was at the year mark, but I don’t want to come on too strong or make her feel it’s too big of a gift to accept.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I'd go full 6 months right out the gate, as that can be something with a strong personal preference (unless she already goes there and you know she likes it). I'd get her one and if she likes it, then maybe get the membership. I realize that would cost more.

Sorry read the update comment. You're fine there.

The one thing is, if you break up would either of you feel weird she's still using it?

OP here. No. It would be hers. If I bought her necklace, and we broke up, I wouldn’t expect it back, so I wouldn’t expect this back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a great gift, but have you celebrated your birthday yet? My only concern would be that she might feel like she has to reciprocate for your birthday, and if you both are at different income levels that could be difficult for her.

If you've already had your birthday, probably not a concern. Or if you all already have a relationship where you often treat her on dates, etc., also probably not a concern. But if you think she might feel like she has to reciprocate, maybe a 3 month membership?

OP here. We did but it was only 4 months in. She made me a nice home cooked meal and then took me out the next night at a very nice restaurant. I’m not petty like that though and don’t really care about big gifts. I just know it will be something she will love, but I don’t want to make her feel weird if it’s too big of a gift so early on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Just get her one massage.

THIS!
OP, you remind me of my son; always giving too much, too fast😒

[Anonymous]

One massage doesn't sound like enough. 1 massage a month rather than two sounds better. But f us, you are the person who knows here. It's probably fine!!

[Anonymous]

That’s a very nice gift and not too much.

[Anonymous]

I personally can't stand massages but I'm an outlier. As long as you know she would enjoy it, it's a great gift. Perhaps get 3 instead of 6?

[Anonymous]

Practically does she have the time to devote to a massage twice a month for the next six months? I saw you give her weekly massages but massages from a significant other are different than ones from a commercial establishment. It’s not the cost that gives me pause, it’s the frequency and time commitment.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she needs more supportive shoes or a thermo gun massager to use at home?

[Anonymous]

What a nice gift, so thoughtful!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a great gift, but have you celebrated your birthday yet? My only concern would be that she might feel like she has to reciprocate for your birthday, and if you both are at different income levels that could be difficult for her.

If you've already had your birthday, probably not a concern. Or if you all already have a relationship where you often treat her on dates, etc., also probably not a concern. But if you think she might feel like she has to reciprocate, maybe a 3 month membership?

OP here. We did but it was only 4 months in. She made me a nice home cooked meal and then took me out the next night at a very nice restaurant. I’m not petty like that though and don’t really care about big gifts. I just know it will be something she will love, but I don’t want to make her feel weird if it’s too big of a gift so early on.

So far, OP, you sound lovely and supportive. I might go with just once a month for 6 months (then in December for Christmas you can bump it to twice a month for a Christmas present). Since your birthday has already passed, you have time to make sure she knows you don't expect her to spend as much on you.

Or, you can talk to her about gift cost without telling her what the gift is - just ask her how much is too much or would make her uncomfortable. Then follow her lead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I don’t see us breaking up, but if we do, I wouldn’t care about the money loss.

You say that now, but if it happens, you will care. But more importantly, you're doing too much too soon. Dial it down a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We’re very serious and very much in love. We’re both in our thirties and already having serious discussions about the future. I don’t see us breaking up, but if we do, I wouldn’t care about the money loss.

She goes there and gets its every 3 months or so. I often give her a mass at least once a week or rub her feet. I think she would she would love being able to get a massage twice a month. This place also has multiple massage therapists and different massages that you can switch up at each visit. I just don’t know if a gift like this ( she will know the price) is too much for being together for six months. I wouldn’t question it if it was at the year mark, but I don’t want to come on too strong or make her feel it’s too big of a gift to accept.

Aww I think you're a sweet boyfriend and this is a nice gift.

[Anonymous]

Very thoughtful. I’d probably also go once a month because scheduling more can be tricky for some people’s schedules, especially with summer upon us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems a bit much, not in terms of cost as such but in quantity and frequency of the services. But, if you're quite sure she like to have massages on that schedule, ok. Keep in mind that if you don't stay together for at least the next 6 months, the gift will keep on schedule even after you're out of the picture! Could be awkward.

This. Will you even be together in six months, if your relationship is that new?